The Man Rules (as given by my Fiance...)

[deelady]

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story
We always hear 'the rules' from the female side,Now here are the rules from the male side

These are our rules!
Please note... they are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

[NAchef]

hahahahaha

Too funny!

 

[Maverick2272]

I would print this and show it to my wife, but my couch is uncomfortable!

 

[middie]

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

Oh that's great lmao

 

[DietitianInTraining]

*Ahem*......

Sure.. the toilet seat comment has a good point, but *ME* not putting the seat up, means you might have a little mess to clean up... *YOU* not putting the seat down, means me falling into the toilet!! You could still do your business with the seat down... we cannot do ours with the seat up!!

"Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!Just say it!"

- One time, my husband and I were on vacation, and we were looking for a resteraunt to eat supper at. I look over and see Red Robin, and said "Hm, Red Robin sounds good!" a few min. later, feeling rather dissapointed that we were now driving AWAY from the resteraunt, I said "Guess that means we're not eating Red Robin tonight...." He says "I didn't know you wanted to eat there. Why didn't you say so??" ...............aparently we need to draw you men pictures..

"If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. "

- I agree, that one's halarious! lol

And finally, I must disagree with one more........ A girl can never have too many shoes.

Over-all, this was halarious, and I know my husbands going to LOVE it..

 

[Barbara L]

...Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!Just say it!"

- One time, my husband and I were on vacation, and we were looking for a resteraunt to eat supper at. I look over and see Red Robin, and said "Hm, Red Robin sounds good!" a few min. later, feeling rather dissapointed that we were now driving AWAY from the resteraunt, I said "Guess that means we're not eating Red Robin tonight...." He says "I didn't know you wanted to eat there. Why didn't you say so??" ...............aparently we need to draw you men pictures...

I'm never sure where I stand with this! Sometimes I will do the same as you, and he will react the same as your husband. Other times it works fine. And yet other times, I will just look at a restaurant and he assumes I want to eat there! James is actually usually pretty good at reading what I want, but sometimes he is way off.

Barbara

 

[Maverick2272]

*Ahem*......

Sure.. the toilet seat comment has a good point, but *ME* not putting the seat up, means you might have a little mess to clean up... *YOU* not putting the seat down, means me falling into the toilet!! You could still do your business with the seat down... we cannot do ours with the seat up!!

Yer assuming we can aim!

Better to train him to always put the seat down, my mom trained me as a kid and I never fail to put the seat down to this day!

 

[DietitianInTraining]

My husband not only puts the seat down, but he takes toilet paper, and wipe the toilet off, before he puts the seat back down.. lol

 

[pacanis]

Personally, I like #1

 

[LadyCook61]

my hubby doesn't even put the seat up !

 

[babetoo]

i shared a bathroom for several years with my two teenage gs. they had lousy aim . lordy i would get mad when i sat in a puddle. spoke to them about it.
no change. same deal one day and went to grandson's room and really chewed him out in front of his girl friend, now wife. that took care of it.

 

[Barbara L]

Personally, I like #1

Are you talking about the rules or are we still on toilet habits?

Barbara

 

[Andy M.]

...*YOU* not putting the seat down, means me falling into the toilet!!...

Falling into the toilet!?!? Really? Let's see, how many ways can you think of to keep that from happening that doesn't involve another person. I'll start you off with one - OPEN YOUR EYES!

 

[Barbara L]

...*YOU* not putting the seat down, means me falling into the toilet!!...quote]


Falling into the toilet!?!? Really? Let's see, how many ways can you think of to keep that from happening that doesn't involve another person. I'll start you off with one - OPEN YOUR EYES!

Easy enough--if it isn't the middle of the night and either the lights are off, or the eyes just don't want to work right! Fortunately, I don't have that problem with James. He very rarely leaves the seat up.

Barbara

 

[Claire]

Oh, dear, you not only do not want a wife, you never want to have a relationship with another human being!

 

[Andy M.]

Easy enough--if it isn't the middle of the night and either the lights are off, or the eyes just don't want to work right! Fortunately, I don't have that problem with James. He very rarely leaves the seat up.

Barbara

OK, the lights are out and /or your eyes are closed yet you manage to get yourself to the appropriate location and position and you can't manage to reach back and check the seat position?!

Don't get me wrong. I always put the seat down. I was married and raised two daughters. Putting the seat down was a practical necessity for survival. I still do it.

I just don't like that guys haqve to take the heat for your falling into the toilet. You never hear about a guy falling into the toilet because he or someone else left the seat up.

 

[Barbara L]

OK, the lights are out and /or your eyes are closed yet you manage to get yourself to the appropriate location and position and you can't manage to reach back and check the seat position?!

Don't get me wrong. I always put the seat down. I was married and raised two daughters. Putting the seat down was a practical necessity for survival. I still do it.

I just don't like that guys haqve to take the heat for your falling into the toilet. You never hear about a guy falling into the toilet because he or someone else left the seat up.

I'm just not as wide awake when I get up in the middle of the night, I guess! LOL But I also don't make a habit of falling into the toilet. I think that has happened to me once in my life. I always look because I never know who (speaking of the dog and two cats now) might have been drinking out of it and dribbled on the seat. I hate sitting on a wet seat!

I think I told once what happened to my aunt and her step-dad. She didn't want to wake anyone up when she got up during the night, so she didn't turn on the light. She went into the bathroom and sat right on her step-dad's lap! He hadn't wanted to wake anyone up either!

Barbara

 

[Claire]

Hubby was raised in a house where you not only put the seat down, but the lid as well. Many moons ago, Abby or Anne (don't remember which)(surely most of you are old enough to remember who I'm talking about) went to experts. Lid up or down? The experts told her that a toilet flush actually splatters microscopic stuff (hey, I'm no scientist) for something like 10 or 12 feet. That, in fact, not only the seat, but as hubby insists, lid, should be down when you flush. Think about it. Where is YOUR toothbrush?

 

[Adillo303]

First, If two people in cohabitation have to debate the toilet seat, IMHO, way more that that is wrong.

To expect gender, male, to remember to put the seat down, is exactly the same as expecting gender, female to put the seat up. Not checking the seat is an act of forgetfulness, that is gender neutral. Males should bear no more blame than females.

Claire, really has the absolute answer. both seat and lid down, both genders, every time, no possibility for problems. I never thought about splatter and that point is also really good.

P. S. I have two labs and I prefer them drinking out of their water bowls. It's just better that way.

 

[GB]

Hubby was raised in a house where you not only put the seat down, but the lid as well. Many moons ago, Abby or Anne (don't remember which)(surely most of you are old enough to remember who I'm talking about) went to experts. Lid up or down? The experts told her that a toilet flush actually splatters microscopic stuff (hey, I'm no scientist) for something like 10 or 12 feet. That, in fact, not only the seat, but as hubby insists, lid, should be down when you flush. Think about it. Where is YOUR toothbrush?

This is what we do in our house for the exact same reason. It is unsanitary to flush with the lid up. My toothbrush is not out in the open, but even still, I do not want that stuff spraying around my bathroom.