"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Off Topic Discussions
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 02-22-2009, 06:25 PM   #1
DC Grandma
 
Dove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: USA,California
Posts: 3,217
Smile They're Back! Church Bulletins:



They're Back! Church Bulletins:
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters misspellings, bad sentence construction or choice of words all make for fun reading. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:"Break Forth Into Joy."
----------------- -------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow..
------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!








__________________

__________________
May I always be the person my dog thinks I am.

Walk towards the Sunshine and the Shadows will fall behind you!
Dove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 08:39 PM   #2
Senior Cook
 
n2cookin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 124
That was funny thanks for the laughs.
__________________

__________________
n2cookin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 09:14 PM   #3
Master Chef
 
texasgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: North Texas
Posts: 9,497
LOL
You did it again Marge, hehe
__________________
texasgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 09:40 PM   #4
Sous Chef
 
bglc32's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 581
I've read most of those before and they still crack me up. Thanks for making me laugh!!!!!
__________________
bglc32 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:02 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.