Trouble with Teacher

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RMS

Sous Chef
Joined
Nov 6, 2005
Messages
891
Location
North Carolina
Just wondering,
How do you get your teens to do their homework?:mad:
I'm not having much luck.
Thanks for any suggestions.:)
 
A few questions:
1. How old is the teen?
2. What grades is he/she getting currently?
3. Is he/she involved in any extra-curicular activities?
 
does your school have an on line day to day report of assigned work and
the grades? my school does so i know exactly day to day what has been
turned in and the grade that was given. fortunately my teen is very into
her grades and i am happy each day when i check on her school work. the
one thing i am not happy is wrong information was put on her report she
cheated so i contacted the teacher and he agreed with my daughter the
info was wrong but i am having a hard time getting it changed it is taking
to long. hate to see that everyday makes me wonder if there is other
wrong stuff on the report. i have always sat down with my kids right after
school or when we get home everyday read the paper or helped them with
what they needed help with until it was done. only time i have had problems
is when they forget to bring the homework home.

in grade school i have to sign a sheet each night of what the homework
was and that it was completed or not. the teacher then checks it
to make sure it was signed every morning if not we would be contacted.

in high school the on line seems to really work, for us.

i would suggest sitting at the table with your child until the work is done
or at least in the same room. if that does not work i would take things
away and keep taking things away until they know it is important and you
won't put up with it. an education is very important.

i do think schools give out to much homework. the kids are in school all day
and if they are doing what they are saposed to in school why do they need
more work sent home? in my mind they should be playing and doing kid things.
 
Make them do their homework at the kitchen table so that you can see him/her doing it.

Some schools/teachers post the homework assignments online now so that parents can see what the assignments are. Does your teens school do that? If so, make sure to check it daily and then check their completed work.
 
He's 16 , some of the grades are failing and no he's not in any after school clubs. He ususally does okay (even well) on tests but not doing his homework brings his grades down.
I don't think we have the online thing but I'm going to look into that. I have been emailing with one teacher.
The main trouble is that it seems the more I push him, the less inclined he is to do it.
 
RMS

How much homework does your child have? Perhaps break it down into smaller chunks of time if there is a lot to do. It is a good idea to be informed of exactly what the assignments are. I know that at the school that I teach at we offer after school homework clubs. We have homework hotline and a homework website. Although some kids just really "hate" homework even though they are very bright and do well in all other areas.
 
I have had to restrict my sons activities until his grades improve. He also does will on test but the homework doesn't get turned in. He has been doing alot better lately, as he wants his phone, computer, and social life back. I wish we had the online thing at his school. I could have headed some of this off before it got out of hand.
 
Talk to his teachers. Have them send a note home with him every day with the homework assignment written down and their signature. He needs to give that to you each day. Do not allow him to do anything (TV, video games, sports, playing with friends) until he has finished his assignments.
 
Just thinking, when I have a difficult student at homework club it seems that when I sit with them they work better. I don't know if this is something you could do. I realize that the child needs to have ownership of his/her homework.
 
My son hated school. HATED it with a capital H. Every day from the first day of kindergarten until the end of 9th grade we'd fight about home work. Long hard fights. Nothing would get done... it was horrid. On the day he started 10th grade I sat him down and told him I was finished. I couldn't do it anymore. If he wanted to pass his classes it was up to HIM. He had to do it. He did. The fights ended and when he graduated he only had two missing papers. Maybe your son just needs to take responsiblity for himself? If worked for us.
 
pds & carolaine have the right answer!

I'd tell him that he is responsible for his own grades, and that you won't be hawking him anymore. You can also let him know that if his grades don't measure up, when he is 18, he'll need to find his own appartment, and that he'll need to have a job, as rent & bills can be high.
 
Ultimately YOU can't make him do his homework. You can however offer incentives for work done well and on time, and offer consequences for work NOT done well and on time. Simple as that.

Please, if I may suggest it, do NOT make homework time your one on one time with your teen. Pick something like a games night or a walk or something like that where there is no other focus when you spend time together. Homework is his JOB and he needs to learn the responsibility for it himself.

Know that we are here to support you and help you out. Its a TOUGH spot you are in and many of us know it well.
 
I just wanted to tell you that I was a terrible teen and often did not do homework....although my exam results were good. For example, I did not do any of the course work for my maths GCSE, and it formed 30% of my mark....so I got 70%. No one got on my case about it.....my school did not really care as my grades were good, and my parents said it was up to me. If they had sat with me I think I would have done it diligently.....but they did not have time.

Ultimately it was my choice and perhaps those years of no homework were valuable in a differnt way: by the time I was in final year of my undergrad degree I was doing EVERYBODY's homework, lol, even people taking other subjects, and I was awarded a scholarship for my postgrad work in my second year as an undergrad as I was so dedicated to my work....it just took me a while to get enthused about it. Perhaps your son is the same?

I think it depends on you and your kid what you decide to do
 
Thank you to everyone for all of the help and great advice. I think I might try the incentive idea. Taking things from him just makes him angry and defiant which basically defeats my purpose. I have to say that I don't think I should have to offer incentives to a 16 year old but then whatever works, right?
I have told him that he is responsible for himself and his own work but then I get the phone calls or emails from the teacher.
It makes me feel like they think I don't care, which is the farthest thing from the truth. They all say he's bright, he can handle the work. He just doesn't put enough effort into his homework. It makes me crazy.
My older son was different. He'd come to me for help with projects and homework. My youngest is highly independent and won't let me help him.
Thanks again for your help, and support, you guys are great. I'm hoping that like lulu, he comes around on his own eventually. I just hope he doesn't flunk out before he gets there!
 
RMS, good for you! I don't think his teachers think that about you, they are just looking for some support too. Make sure you communicate with them what you are going to do to motivate him and they will appreciate that.

As for not implementing consequences because he gets angry and defiant, well, thats sort of how it goes with every teen. I work with teens who have serious behaviour problems and believe me when I tell you there must be a consequence that MATTERS to them if they don't complete an assignment. The perks need to be good too, but they need to see both ends of the spectrum.

Hang in there! We've had to go so far as to remove everything from a teen's life to get them to start working. (Bare bedroom, nothing fun allowed) BUT having said that, the moment they do something there needs to be a reward. Do something positive=get fun stuff back. He will get it together, he has a good parent who cares!
 
It almost sounds like your son is bored with the homework (it is not challenging enough or doesn't catch his interest) and doesn't feel that it is worth his time to do. Both of my daughters went through the same thing in high school. Incentives can work as can understanding parents and at least one or two teachers. There were consequences if they did not do their work and both girls understood that it was on them if they did not get to do things because of them slacking. With one daughter (she is still into music big time) it was us following through on new CDs as a reward and the teacher having her do extra projects that they knew would pique her interest. The other daughter; it was helping her more with her photography interests as a reward.
 
Thanks Alix
There is a consequence attached to this whole thing. If he doesn't pass enough of his classes, he's not allowed to drive. The school works with the DMV here on that one. He usually pulls through at the end and just passes. I get mad because I know he can do so much better. Maybe I will have to make it a house rule that if he doesn't do the homework, he can't drive. (He's still learning)

PS: I love Terry Pratchett!
 
At 16 he has already formed his basic value system. You do not have much choice about it at this point.
You can be meaner, harder, more powerful and it may be successful- but it will cost you. You can be less directive, more accomodating and passive, etc. but it may cost him and will increase your guilt if he fails.

Tough choice... Of course a lot of your decision depends on the whole family dynamic-pinpoint strategy seldom works- wholistic is better...

All other things being equal- try talking to him (as an adult) and letting him be in charge of things- but make a contract to look at the outcome variables- like grades and feedback from teachers. Then stand back, but look at the agreed upon contract together as scheduled. See what happens.

If things get better- you both win. If they get worse... well that's another story.
Good luck
 
Shunka, he is bored with most of the work. He loves cars and motors and anything that has a motor. Ask him anything about any year car and he can tell you. Give him a math assignment and he wants to fall asleep. He likes writing but not the things they usually want him to write.

Hopz, I like your idea. I could include an incentive in the contract to make it worth his while.

You guys are all so smart and helpful! Thank you all again!
 
RMS said:
Thanks Alix
There is a consequence attached to this whole thing. If he doesn't pass enough of his classes, he's not allowed to drive. The school works with the DMV here on that one. He usually pulls through at the end and just passes. I get mad because I know he can do so much better. Maybe I will have to make it a house rule that if he doesn't do the homework, he can't drive. (He's still learning)

PS: I love Terry Pratchett!

Oh perfect! There isn't a much better consequence than not driving for a teenager! WOOHOO!
 
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