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Old 08-03-2006, 09:29 AM   #11
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I'm very sorry for your loss, Trip. I can't imagine life without my little Julia. She makes me laugh when I'm down, and greets me at the door whenever I return home. I'd be devastated if something like that happened to her.

Try to focus on all your happy memories of her, and how much she loved you, also.

Hugs to you!

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Old 08-03-2006, 09:29 AM   #12
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Thanks so much for all your support. I appreciate it. I was apprehensive talking about it here, but DH is upset too, and doesn't need me setting him off, my mother seems to feel I should comfort her as she says salem was her fave of my cats, and my grandmother actually seems to be avoiding me. Rest assured that was not my vet, its just my vet (who I like very much) lives almost a hour away and she was bleeding from the tumor and this is a 24 hour pet clinic while my vet closes at 5pm so wouldn't have been able to get them until today.
I was up until 4am... actually called in sick to work... The Iron Chef set me off when I saw them sewing up a duck last night because it reminded me of the needle... I figured it's probibly best not to try to deal with the public today. I appreciate the other perspective about whether or not to fix cats early, especially as my other female was 2 yrs when I took her in so there was not way I could have gotten to her in time, and when I took Salem in it was because she was a kitten and her eyes were still sealed shut but her mother had been killed and she was walking blindly across a city street because she was a stray, at the time I was only making $7 / hour was on my own and it was all I could do to keep me and my 2 cats in food and liter, fixing at the time wasn't an option. I can't help keep wondering if maybe if I had gotten the surgery... there is always a chance, no matter how minute she might have made it... but $500 and prob not... which I would have had to borrow having just gone back to work last month and playing catch up... then there's the fact that I orig thought it was a fat deposit, so with money being tight, didn't bring her straight to the vet, maybe if we had caught it sooner...
I don't know... ignore the self pity fest... I just can't get over the feeling that I killed her.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
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Old 08-03-2006, 10:39 AM   #13
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Trip, stop it!! You didn't kill her, the cancer did. You did nothing wrong!
You took her in and gave her a life and a family that loved her. If you hadn't saved her, she would surely been killed by a car or a bigger animal!! She had a great life because of YOU!!!
It know how it feels to have a pet put down and feel as though you should have done more. I had a dog that was bleeding from both ends, vomiting, not able to eat and was very lethargic. I was 20 years old and it was the first time I had been around a sick dog. My MIL told me that it was parvo, as several dogs in the neighborhood had died from it. She was a dog breeder and knew symptoms very well. I didn't have the money to go to a vet and I had called and asked if they could help me and was told by several that I needed at least $200 to have him seen. At the time, my boys were small and dh was making $8 or $9 an hour and I could not afford it. I had to put my sweet snoopy down. Later that day, after having him put down, dh remembered that he had put ant poison out and that maybe he had somehow found it and eaten it. We looked and it looked like he had dug under the fence where it was. Too late!!! I didn't sleep for a week. I had nightmares and cried everyday about that!!! I still think about him and wish that I had had the money and gone to the vet. I don't know if they could have saved him or not. I'll never know,but, all I could think of at the time was how deathly sick he was and he was suffering. That was horrible and I can sympathise with you, but, you have to see it as we do. You loved the kitty, you took care of her and she lived a good life. Sounds to me that she really would have died if you hadn't taken her from the street that day!! It will get easier and when your guilt diminishes, you will see that you did the only thing that you could for her and kept her from suffering any longer. Wishing you peace of mind!!!
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Old 08-03-2006, 11:44 AM   #14
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TY it's nice to know that others who have to put down their pets understand the guilt and it's not just me.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
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Old 08-03-2006, 11:47 AM   #15
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I'm so sorry.

I agree 100% with Andy M. They Vet is an idiot!!!
He should care as much about the animals as their owners.

Hugs for you!
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
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Old 08-03-2006, 12:53 PM   #16
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what a silly vet.... can't understand what makes him say such things.

It's definetely NOT your fault, don't even think in that direction!
LiGruess cara ~~~ Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
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Old 08-03-2006, 01:16 PM   #17
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We all feel your sorrow. Bless you.
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Old 08-03-2006, 01:16 PM   #18
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I can't imagine losing my cat Trinket, let alone having to make the decision to end her life. My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you. Treasure the memories.
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Old 08-03-2006, 01:28 PM   #19
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I have lost 5 dogs in the last 27 years. I know what you are going through. It sucks. Glad you brought this to the forum. Give your self some time to grieve and then get yourself another kitten. I prefer puppies and parrots. My wife gave me a pup on a fathers day 6 months after one of my dogs died 9 years ago and I cried......thinking about my last dog. I have two nine year old dogs. They are having some health issues now and I know I will end up putting them down in the near future. Ughhh It sucks!
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Old 08-03-2006, 01:32 PM   #20
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Trip even if you had the money for the surgery it wouldn't have helped much. The cancer had already spread. Don't take this the wrong way but if you did have the surgery done you'd be out a cat and a couple hundred dollars.
Please don't feel guilty, you did absolutely nothing wrong honey. Just remember the good times you had with her. In time it'll get easier to deal with. You'll never get over it but you can deal with it a little better.

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