Way off topic, no joke.

[CharlieD]

So my 12 year old son got mad at the teacher today and left the school. Thank G-d they noticed and run after him. He did managed to walk for almost 4 city blocks. He was heading to my mom.

I don't even know what to do with him, should he be punished? My father would beat the, well, you know what out of me, but the times are diferent.

Any sugestions, I am kind of lost here.

 

[Fisher's Mom]

Gosh Charlie, I don't know if this is the right way to handle it, but my sons hate it when I lecture them. So that's what I would do.

I would sit him down and talk about how he's becoming a man and so he needs to learn to control his temper as a man would. Then tell him how many times he'll be in a work situation where his boss will make him very angry and how he will have to learn to bite his tongue and control his anger, even if the boss is totally wrong.

Then I'd talk about the bad things that can happen to young people when they aren't where they are supposed to be and how scared and upset it makes you to think of this.

And then talk about how you trust him to be where he's supposed to be and how it will be hard to trust him if he does this sort of thing. I'd make it a good long talk so that he'll think twice about doing that again just to avoid having the lecture. Good luck. He's almost a teen and this is a time of unpredictable behavior so it's probably not the last time he'll scare you!

 

[Uncle Bob]

IMO he should not go un-punished! As to what type...what ever you know rings his bells the most. My son would have gotten a belt on his bottom as that was the only language he understood! Talking was a waste of time.... My daughter on the other hand...just knowing she had upset me, the talk that I gave her, the "look" that she got was enough to get her attentioin big time!

It doesn't really matter...but what did the teacher do to make him so angry??
That may need addressing as well.

 

[pacanis]

Great advice you guys. And you do have to wonder what made him so angry or pushed him over the edge. That should probably be the first thing you ask so you know what direction to head.
I was involved in something quite the reverse in junior high. Us kids made the bus driver so angry she kicked us all off the bus a couple miles from the school. We ended up walking home and we never saw her again.

 

[Andy M.]

All good advice, Charlie. I agree a punishment is in order. You know your son best so you decide what that should be.

 

[Katie H]

Yes, I believe you son should suffer some consequences for his actions. If there is a special activity he especially likes, you could take that away for a few days. I would also add what Fisher's Mom said. He's going to be a teenager soon, so he needs to begin behaving and thinking like the man he's going to become.

I would also look into what the teacher did/said that set him off. Like a pancake, there are two sides to this situation.

 

[Michael in FtW]

How you respond totally depends on what happened at school! Talk to him and listen to his side of the story before you decide on any form of punishment - and you may also need to talk to the teacher, too. While walking out of school may have been wrong - he may have had justification and at 12 didn't know how else to handle the situation other than head for Grandma's house.

I grew up in a home with the "spare the rod and spoil the child" philosophy ... Dad believed in the "board of education" (a paddle) and "applied psychology" (the paddle being applied to my butt) - but only when it was an appropriate punishment. But, Mom and Dad always checked out the facts before I got "educated".

My kids hated lectures! I would have a talk with them, and make them sit in the corner and think about it until they coould tell me what it was that they did wrong - and why it was wrong. The "Board of Education" was reserved for "capital" crimes - but that was after the lecture and time in the corner. It must have been effective - one time my oldest son did something minor and when I started to sit him down for the "lecture" he walked over to the bookcase, got the paddle, and handed it to me and asked, "Dad, can you skip the lecture and just spank me?"

 

[*amy*]

So my 12 year old son got mad at the teacher today and left the school. Thank G-d they noticed and run after him. He did managed to walk for almost 4 city blocks. He was heading to my mom.

I don't even know what to do with him, should he be punished? My father would beat the, well, you know what out of me, but the times are diferent.

Any sugestions, I am kind of lost here.

In a quiet tone, I would ask him why he was upset and left. Explain why he shouldn't leave the school by himself, and let him know you & his mom will always be there for him. (Does he have a way to contact you & Mrs Charlie?) Then, act accordingly. (I would go with a warning the first time.) Is he okay?

 

[CharlieD]

Sorry Michael, couldn't help to laugh. This is something my kid would do too.
The thing is, he is a really good kid. But I hate these teen years c****, I mean stuff. Just finished with the oldest one (he's 21), now this one. Problem is that the kid likes to learn, but the teacher, though is the nicesest guy I know and my friend, as a teacher is as dumb as it gets. So my kid doesn't like him. Whatever happened I still have to sort it out. But punishment is coming right up.

Speaking of board of education. My father had this belt, still from his army years for me. I would bring the darn thing to him my self. Though it only happened 7 times, obviously memorable, since I still remember all of the. Once, only once it was undesrving.

He's fine Amy, if he really wanted he could have gone to office and ask permision to call.

Thank you folks. I'm still listening.

 

[mikki]

Ask him what happened at school first. If his being angry is justified be understanding but also make him understand how wrong it is to get up and leave school without anyone knowing. When punishing him make sure he knows he's not being punished for feeling angry but for how he reacted.
After everyone is settled down maybe ask him if he can think of better ways he could have handled the situation.

 

[JoAnn L.]

I know a little bit how you feel. My son Michael walked out of school when he was in the first grade. Luckly one of his older brothers saw he and brought him home. I called up to school to tell the teacher were he was. She was crying and said that she had hoped it wasn't something she had said to make him so mad. Well, he got a good talking to, let me tell you. Thank God he never did that again. He is 38 now. When he comes home for Christmas next week, I will have to ask him if he remembers what made him so mad.

 

[Barbara L]

Ask him what happened at school first. If his being angry is justified be understanding but also make him understand how wrong it is to get up and leave school without anyone knowing. When punishing him make sure he knows he's not being punished for feeling angry but for how he reacted.
After everyone is settled down maybe ask him if he can think of better ways he could have handled the situation.

Very well said.

Barbara

 

[LEFSElover]

a famous dr said on the radio today...
kids need stipulations, repetition and consequences.

 

[expatgirl]

Ask my daughter what is punishment---having to listen to Enya on the way to a band concert and back again------she had been told the night before to have everything ready to go to a band concert 30 minutes away---I nagged her repaeatedly and she assured me (nastily I might add) that all was under control and to stop nagging her---sure enough the next day after school she was running all over the house searching for "stuff"--I was yelling and screaming and pulling my hair out in the meantime as we were running late and having to deal with awful HOuston traffic----then when we got in the car she went to turn on her favorite CD---- I said "No Way!" and told her that her punishment was to listen to my Enya CD the whole 30 minutes and the whole 30 minutes back. No beating would have equalled the torture of a teen listening to music that they don't want to.

Charlie, I feel your pain. Hang in there---the teen years don't last forever--yeah, your son should have some consequences---schools do have liability issues to deal with today so I'm sure they weren't happy with him on that point alone. Do try and find out what he and the teacher disagreed on and see if the 3 of you can meet and work the problem(s) out---I used to teach and most teachers want to be helpful if they can---everyone has off days---your son should be allowed to cool his heels in the counselor's office when things get really tough and the counselor should be there to encourage him, if your son needs it, otherwise just to have a place to chill. Leaving campus just has too many liability issues and is serious. I hope that all works out before the end of the week. Best of luck!!!

 

[Fisher's Mom]

I said "No Way!" and told her that her punishment was to listen to my Enya CD the whole 30 minutes and the whole 30 minutes back. No beating would have equalled the torture of a teen listening to music that they don't want to.

This is so funny because it is soooo true. My own sons have been known to refer to "Death by Crow" (Sheryl Crow). It does pay sometimes to be creative when trying to teach grasshoppers a lesson!

 

[Claire]

So much of how you treat this incident depends on your community. I don't have children, but have lived in many communities. It is scary to think of a child his age wandering around in some of the places I've lived. In others (like here) it would be not that big of a deal. Somehow you need to let kids know that the world is a dangerous place, but where do you draw the line? I'm glad I didn't have any. P.S., yes, if I'd have left school my parents would have walloped me, but now that would wind you in jail.