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Old 03-27-2007, 08:15 PM   #1
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We Are Under Attack


Have you noticed that stairs are getting
steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street has become! This extension work was apparently done at night!! Very sneaky stuff..

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the youngsters. They speak in
whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much
older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day, and he has aged so much that he didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor guy while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection ........Well, REALLY NOW-
even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so
fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are
less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 32 pair of pants a 42, or medium shirt as 'extra large? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and neck?

The people who make
bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? Heck ! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the
telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!
Even the font size on my computer has gotten smaller. Maybe the CIA?

All I can do is pass along this warning:
We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyonewill have to suffer these awful indignities.

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Old 03-27-2007, 08:46 PM   #2
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Dang right we are! 100% fer sure
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Old 03-27-2007, 08:53 PM   #3
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Yup, Uncle Bob! Been there. Doing that!
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Old 03-27-2007, 08:56 PM   #4
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We must fight this scourage.

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Old 03-27-2007, 09:28 PM   #5
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Uncle Bob your stairs are steeper because your house was hit by a tornado that straightened them out. Your grocery bag is heavier because your getting more for your money these days. Everything is further away now that we have a Super Walmart. Your street is longer. Didn't you notice that we now have 51 states?
Sorry about the whispering. We have a new noise ordinance. I guess you were a pretty mature kid. Your Captain Kidd cape is still neatly folded from the last time you used it your senior year in high school next to your hair oil. Ole Jimmy laid under that sun lamp while they were botoxing his face and libo sucked his tummy that's why he looks older. It's even hard for anybody to recognize him.
Would you please stop combing your hair in front of the TV screen. That loose hair sticks all over the screen full of static electricity.
When those police people turn on their red & blues, you are supposed to pull over for them. These high speed chases your leading them on may be funny to you.
Those are not your clothes. You picked up the wrong bag at the airport, again. You are not saving any money by weighing yourself on the public scales and deducting 2 tons for your car!
How many times must you be told that there are no telephone numbers in the bible. You have to go on Ancestry.com to get those numbers.
You are under attack Uncle Bob. Please take your medication.
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Old 03-27-2007, 09:41 PM   #6
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See what happens when tiny tots play with the computer..They spilled water in here and now the type has shrunk!!! Why they think I can't hear when they watch cartoons so they stand in front of me and YELL MA, MA just cuz I closed my eyes I tell ya how to get em back though, wait til one of their favorite songs comes on tv and sing along from start to finish, that really makes their eyes bug For the bigger ones in school, take um to school make sure at least 3 buddies are near by, then give um a big ol kiss and hug and yell love ya!! They cower for a week!!!

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Old 03-27-2007, 09:56 PM   #7
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Oh the text size in phone books! This was my main reason for getting reading glasses, and I dont think I need them at all, they just shrank the text size , I think
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Old 03-27-2007, 10:10 PM   #8
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Miss Amber...

What's really fun(??) is when you manage to find the number...go to the phone...dial the area code and prefix and then can't remember the last four numbers...... ...then you gotta find it again!
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Old 03-27-2007, 10:24 PM   #9
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Uncle Bob...you really didn't have to tell all our friends my secrets did you?

Have I invited you to my woodshed yet???
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Old 03-27-2007, 10:25 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Bob
Miss Amber...

What's really fun(??) is when you manage to find the number...go to the phone...dial the area code and prefix and then can't remember the last four numbers...... ...then you gotta find it again!
So true, then I have to find my glasses again because my memory failed me
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