"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Off Topic Discussions
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 04-04-2006, 11:23 AM   #11
Everymom
 
Alix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 23,184
Oh texasgirl what a hard place you are in. Watching them do self destructive things is the hardest of all. We are here to support you in whatever you decide to do. May I suggest you look for some other closer supports for YOU though? There are lots of parenting groups out there who support each other through stuff like this. It really helps to have someone close by who understands what you are going through and can give you a hug. I'm sending you virtual ones, but the real ones feel better.

Hang in there texasgirl and be strong. He will have to learn to fix things on his own now. No more rescues from Mom. Hugs.
__________________

__________________
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams
Alix
Alix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2006, 11:32 AM   #12
Master Chef
 
texasgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: North Texas
Posts: 9,497
The thing with support groups. DH doesn't believe in depression or needing help. I'm the only one of us 4 girls that didn't lose it when my mom died. My oldest sister just said the other day that momma was more worried about me, because I was only 23 when she died and I did better than anyone. Noone knows about the hysterical crying that went on when I was home alone. I couldn't go to the doctor for depression because of DH. That is just how he was raised and he thinks everyone should be that way. You deal with your own problems. Please don't look down on him for that, it's just normal to him.
So, that one is out of the question. Can't talk to sisters cause the oldest is bad about upping you when talking about problems, it's always, yeah? well, this happened to me. Another one has her own problems and I won't bother her, she is as bad as I am with her grown kids and #3 isn't help either. So, I talk to you guys. It helps, although I sit here crying while reading your reply. LOL.


I really appreciate the support that everyone gives on this forum. This is my support group!!
__________________

__________________
texasgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2006, 11:38 AM   #13
Executive Chef
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: USA,Florida
Posts: 3,834
Many times family members are NOT the best people to help. You really need someone who is more objective and can help you to see what is ahead and direct you along the right path both for you and your son. Whether DH agrees or not, I would suggest that you talk to someone who can lead you to do the right thing. Sometimes people don't believe in help for depression or other psychological problems until they see the benefits themselves. You can see that we all want things to work out for the best and there is someone who can help better than any of us and can be much more experienced and helpful to you.
__________________
Be an organ donor; give your heart to Jesus.
Exercise daily; walk with the Lord.
licia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2006, 11:39 AM   #14
Chief Eating Officer
 
GB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: USA,Massachusetts
Posts: 25,509
TG what kind of people does your son hang around with? Peer pressure can be a good thing when used for positive things and not for bad things. I know you don't have much control over who he hangs out with, but maybe if there are family members or family friends who are close by who are close to his age who act the right way then maybe you could try to get them to spend some time with him and hopefully they will rub off on him.

As far as your husband not believeing in therapy, do YOU believe in it? do YOu think it would be helpful for you? If so then you need to get help regardless of what he believes. Again I am saying things that are a heck of a lot easier to say than to do, but if it is something that you need then get the help. I am very against lying to a spouse (or anyone else for that mater), but if you need to them tell him you joined a cooking club that gets together once a week and use that time to see a professional.
__________________
You know you can't resist clicking
this link. Your eyes will thank you. VISUAL BLISS
GB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2006, 11:46 AM   #15
Master Chef
 
texasgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: North Texas
Posts: 9,497
He doesn't hang around the best people. They aren't going out and steeling and stuff like that, they are mainly LAZY! One is 25, lives at home and works when he wants and mooches off of mom. He was the first roommate that son had that walked out leaving him with the bills nd the one that buys him beer so they can get drunk together. There aren't any relatives his age. I'm so much younger than my sisters that, my nieces and nephews are only a few years younger than me. Only one is the same age and she is not the one to hang around with either. She is as bad as he is.
__________________
texasgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2006, 11:47 AM   #16
Everymom
 
Alix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 23,184
It doesn't have to be a formal therapy group, just maybe a group of Mom's who get together to gab and stuff like that. Support doesn't have to have the stigma of "mental health", it can be just friends. Get some ladies together for a book club, or bridge or something, I will bet $50 that it won't take long for them to start sharing kid stories and to offer support to each other spontaneously. Would your hubby find that a bad kind of thing?
__________________
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams
Alix
Alix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2006, 11:53 AM   #17
Master Chef
 
texasgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: North Texas
Posts: 9,497
The thing is finding anything like that. LOL I don't have friends, Alix, except at DC.
I've never been the kind to just start talking to people :o)
__________________
texasgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2006, 11:57 AM   #18
Everymom
 
Alix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 23,184
I think I can safely say that you have TONS of friends here. We are here for you. You keep posting and we will post back, cuz we love you.
__________________
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams
Alix
Alix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2006, 12:55 PM   #19
Sous Chef
 
VickiQ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 863
((((Texasgirl)))I used to have a tiny piece of paper hanging on my fridge that I cut out of a magazine when I was pregnant with Jymm. It said-"The descion to have a child is monumental- it's the decision to have your heart walk around on the outside of your body."When Jymm died I took that scrap of paper off the refridge and tore it into tiny pieces- somehow thinking I could protect my heart from being broken any further- all I had to do was turn around and I see the faces of my younger two kids and know that nothing was farther from the truth-their pain of losing their brother further broke my heart. We can't help it we're Moms.And to think that anyone -in the best of circumstances can do this job alone-has probably never had children!!I know your hubby is against therapy but,there are on-line support groups for EVERYTHING-you are so not alone-other than the wonderful people here who will try to dry your every tear and soothe your pain.The thing I learned from therapy and it took awhile to "hear" it was I did everything I could. Jymm made alot of bad choices in his short life and none of it was my doing.They were HIS choices. We were with him in ALL the family therapy groups,we made all the rehabs possible for him and we DIDN"T enable him- that's a tough one- you want to do everything you can to protect your baby and make it all go away but, they don't learn unless they make the mistakes themselves. Of course, Jymm's situation was alittle different with the bi-polar disease effecting his judgements and then the drugs making it even more warped but, we were told by the professionals constantly that he had to hit rock bottom Believe me this was agonizing , but there were glimmers of hope when he fell and had to figure out how to get himself back up again and he learned from the mistake and he would even have a moment of pride that HE did it.I strongly suggest being HONEST with your son-tell him how you feel and how you will not be part of his destruction-give examples if you have to. Look I know that I did not have the outcome of a child who was healed- I know I live with evry parents nightmare everyday of my life but, Thank God mine is the exception not the norm. I will pray for you and your son. I will be a shoulder to cry on if you need and just an ear to listen if all you want to do is talk.Please know that I am here for you whole-heartedly.Love and energy, Vicki
__________________
VickiQ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2006, 01:44 PM   #20
Chef Extraordinaire
 
buckytom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: My mountain
Posts: 18,748
tg, when i was 19, i failed out of college after just 2 years (drugs, alcohol, girls), so when i moved back home, my dad took me aside and told me that i had 2 choices. to sign up for the military, or to get a job or 2 or 3 by the next weekend, so i was working at least 50 hours +, and pay rent and food costs. my dad said it was what the real world was like, so if i wanted to be an adult in the real world rather than a coddled college kid, he was giving me the option. and he was serious about sticking to it. if i didn't have the money, then i had to do work around the house to make it up. and if there was no car available, i took the bus or rode my bike. it didn't matter how far. and he checked up on me all of the time.

of course i objected and said that i might as well be out on my own if i'm gonna pay such a high rent ($300 a month in 1983 plus food and gas).
he replied that it wasn't one of my choices. i had proved myself a failure, and he was going to teach me about responsibility and life in general under his roof, or the military was going to in a lot less comfortable digs.
i thought i could work on my mom to get dad to back off, but she just repeated what he said, sticking to it.
when my dad put me back down on the ground and let go of my throat, i decided that the military haircut wasn't for me , so i got a job the next day at kmart, and a nighttime job at burger king. it sucked big time, so i negotiated with my dad to pay less rent if i went back to school. he only relented on food money. i eventually ended up in a year long vocational school, learning computer repair. one thing lead to another, and in just 2 years, and many more courses and schooling, i had a decent career and was really able to move out and support myself. it sorta made my dad proud, but also pissed him off that i was making more money than him in just a few short years.
so, you and your hubby are gonna have to work together to get tough. it's brick wall time. the longer it is delayed, the harder it's going to be on all of you.
__________________

__________________
in nomine patri, et fili, et spiritus sancti.


Meh nom eh noh...doot dooooo do do do.
buckytom is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:58 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.