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Old 02-13-2015, 06:47 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Kayelle View Post
These are all excellent and well thought ideas.
Let me add one more nobody has mentioned.


When I was widowed not only was I gifted with food, but with cash. I know that sounds a bit crass, but that cash meant the world to me. It turns out my best friend called everyone to offer that suggestion and the outpouring of cards with cash, along with food was overwhelming and took me to my thankful knees. The cost of dieing is a crushing burden in addition to the terrible loss. When I look at his beautiful tombstone I think of all his loved ones who gifted him with it.
Thanks for bringing this up, Kayelle. I, too, was gifted with money. Much more than I could ever have imagined and it was a blessing because when Buck died all our assets were frozen because they were "joint" rather than as "either-or" and he died without a will. There was some untangling to do but the bills still had to be paid. The money I received was the best life preserver that could have been tossed.
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Old 02-13-2015, 07:09 PM   #12
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I am from a family of 8 children and spouses, 15 grandchildren and 14 greatgrand children,
Losing my dad (87 yrs old) this January and going through a week of running around and receiving so many food dishes by freinds and neighbors, made me realize a few things.
We received so many wonderful dishes. We tried to mark items as they came in, but a few got by us. We were running out of coffee cups, paper plates & bowls , paper towels, garbage bags, coffee, juice boxes, bottled water.
Now when I have to bring something to a home that is going through that loss or something else., I will change my thinking.
Use deposable pans for hot items so they don't have to worry about returning it. Go to a dollor store and find a platter or bowls and mark on it no need to return it and my name also on any item so they know who brought the item.
Purchase the items that we were running out of that I mentioned above and make a care package box.
Offer baby / toddler sitting , offer airport pick ups and returns. Take / pick up children at school. (remember to have parents call school with your information to pick up the child.
My mom 82 yrs old got a little run down ended up with a bad cold and no voice. Made me also think to check in with the family 1 week or 2 after, maybe make a meal then for them or if an elderly person, see if they need to go to the store, Drs. etc or just go and spend time with them as I know adusting to change might be difficult.
My mom is doing better , there is 5 of us 8 that live in the area the other 3 are out of state so she has enough of us around.
Just things to think about.
I rather like the American tradition of turning up with food for people who are having a crisis. It isn't done so much in the UK and I think it should be.

For years I've often taken a homemade cake (usually fruitcake) to friends who have been bereaved just so they will have something comforting to eat or to offer to visitors when they haven't time or energy to bother baking themselves. Food often says what we can't always find the words to say ourselves.
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Old 02-13-2015, 07:54 PM   #13
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Thanks for bringing this up, Kayelle. I, too, was gifted with money. Much more than I could ever have imagined and it was a blessing because when Buck died all our assets were frozen because they were "joint" rather than as "either-or" and he died without a will. There was some untangling to do but the bills still had to be paid. The money I received was the best life preserver that could have been tossed.
How very true that is Katie! I was unsettled by their generosity until my friend who made the calls called it "their going away gift to him." I still tear up with that lovely thought.
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Old 02-13-2015, 08:22 PM   #14
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Some other useful gifts:

Yard service for a few weeks - cutting the grass and other routine maintenance tasks can be overwhelming.

Dog walking (if appropriate)
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Old 02-13-2015, 11:26 PM   #15
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I remember when Mom passed, one of my friends made a big batch of cookies. It was the best thing food wise we received. It was so easy to just grab a cookie and not have to be committed to a plate and fork. We could "graze" our way through that when it was overwhelming to dish out all the food people had brought by the house.
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Old 02-14-2015, 12:49 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayelle View Post
These are all excellent and well thought ideas.
Let me add one more nobody has mentioned.


When I was widowed not only was I gifted with food, but with cash. I know that sounds a bit crass, but that cash meant the world to me. It turns out my best friend called everyone to offer that suggestion and the outpouring of cards with cash, along with food was overwhelming and took me to my thankful knees. The cost of dieing is a crushing burden in addition to the terrible loss. When I look at his beautiful tombstone I think of all his loved ones who gifted him with it.
Not crass at all. Here in the town I live in, it is the habit of folks to purchase a "Spiritual" from the Catholic church. They then put cash in it and leave it in a basket at the wake. That cash often pays for the gratuities that are expected. Like you said, it can make a big difference in the immediate expenses that come and overwhelm the one left behind. The money I received when my daughter was killed, allowed me to get four copies of a painting done for her children. They were done from a portrait I had of her. Her oldest daughter received the original portrait. Not only myself, but her children are always grateful for those monies received.
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Old 02-14-2015, 07:18 PM   #17
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Thanks for bringing this up, Kayelle. I, too, was gifted with money. Much more than I could ever have imagined and it was a blessing because when Buck died all our assets were frozen because they were "joint" rather than as "either-or" and he died without a will. There was some untangling to do but the bills still had to be paid. The money I received was the best life preserver that could have been tossed.
What a nightmare! Over here a joint bank account is a godsend when one of the partners dies because the other partner can continue to use the account until things are settled and the account can be changed over to the remaining partner. Ordinary joint accounts don't require 2 signatures for cheques, etc.
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Old 02-14-2015, 07:22 PM   #18
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What a nightmare! Over here a joint bank account is a godsend when one of the partners dies because the other partner can continue to use the account until things are settled and the account can be changed over to the remaining partner. Ordinary joint accounts don't require 2 signatures for cheques, etc.
This depends on state law. It's not the same everywhere.
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Old 02-15-2015, 12:09 AM   #19
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What a nightmare! Over here a joint bank account is a godsend when one of the partners dies because the other partner can continue to use the account until things are settled and the account can be changed over to the remaining partner. Ordinary joint accounts don't require 2 signatures for cheques, etc.
I have my daughter on my accounts. In this state if you die the banks freeze all your accounts unless it is a joint account. What most people in this state don't know is that a lot of banks have some one who reads all the obits in the morning papers and check any names against their accounts. If they find one, they will freeze that account immediately. And some of the really big banks automatically receive notice from the State Medical Examiner's Office as soon as a suspicious death is reported.

Yeah, I was surprised to learn this also. I took a banking course for a nighttime position as a CS, and it was one of the interesting little facts we were let in on. Such as if you write a check for a purchase for less than $10, they will honor it even if you don't have enough monies in your account. They will just collect the missing funds from your next deposit.
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