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Old 03-24-2005, 01:33 AM   #1
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Location: USA, Nevada and California
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Hot off the wire!

>>A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something that was pulling at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind that doesn't come off once it is put on.

Written in large black letters was: "Get well soon !

From the nurse you ticketed last week !"


A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the
entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady
came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''

Got to have a Blond joke

"Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work.
"Hear what" I asked, my curiosity peaked.
"The regional vice president died this morning!"
"What?!" I asked, totally stunned. "What happened?"
"He was working through lunch when he had a heart attack," Jim began explaining. "Everyone was gone except his secretary. You know the one."
"Boy do I. She's that young blonde babe"
"Yeah that's the one. Turns out she isn't too smart, though.""What do you mean?" I asked. "He kept yelling at her to 'call 9 1 1'. She just stood there waiting for him to give her the rest of the phone number.

One more for the "Southerners"

A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge
in GA one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man
ready {fixin} to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said,
"Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father." He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump." She said, "Well, think of your wife and children." He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, think of Robert E. Lee." He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?''

After that She replied,,"Well, just go ahead and jump, you dumb $$$ Yankee."


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Old 03-24-2005, 05:35 AM   #2
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Thanks for these, Hungry, and starting my day off with some good laughs. I especially like the Robert E. Lee one! Every other road around here in Virginny is named after him (or Stonewall Jackson).

Kool Aid - Think before you drink.
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Old 03-24-2005, 07:26 AM   #3
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Thanks for the laugh Hungry!!
"Treat everyone with politeness,even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are."
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Old 03-24-2005, 06:42 PM   #4
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some funny ones, thanks
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Old 03-24-2005, 08:08 PM   #5
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thanks for the laugh
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