Some of the jokes are kinda kiddy ish but they are still cute. . . actually all of them came from where i work. its interesting to hear what kids know these days. . .
What do you see when the pilsbury doughboy bends over???
What did the fish say when he hit is head?
CHARLIE SAYS: "Daddy, how was I born?"
DAD SAYS: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"
this girl went out to her dad who was watering the garden and said, daddy whats ***, so he thought well if she's old enough to ask she's old enough to be told. So he told her bout the birds and bees. After he'd finished she looked so astonished ans he asked her why she asked him. She said coz mummy asked me to come and tell you thats dinner will be ready in a couple of secs
A blonde walk into barbershop to get her hair cut. So the barber sits her down on the chair, and gets out his clippers and stops for a moment and asks the blonde to take off her head phones, but she says "I can't or else i will die." So he asks her again. But she says the same thing. So in his frustrasion he rips them off her head and she drops dead right on the spot. So in shock he picks up the head phones and puts them up to his ears and he hears "Breath in......Breath out.....Breath in....Breath out"
There was an redhead a brunette and a blonde on the run from the police, they ran down an alley and found three sacks, so they each jumped in one. The police followed down the alley and decided to kick the bags to see if they were in there so they kicked the first one with the redhead in it, "meow" she said, they decided to leave it alone then went to the second one, "woof" said the brunette and so they went to the last sack, when they kicked it the blonde just said "potatoes!
-i was told this one by my neighbor. I thought it was funny so i had to share-
There was this old lady who bought a house, she wanted to name it, so one day she was sitting outside on her porch and heard two boys screaming at eachother, and the one boy said "you big hairy butt", so she named her house Big Hairy Butt. Then the next day she bought a cat, she wanted to name it, then she was outside gardening and stepped on a stick and it went crack, so she named her cat Crack. Then one day she lost her cat, so she went to her neighbors and said "I looked all around my Big Hairy Butt and couldn't find my Crack".
There was these 3 guys walking in the desert and were extremely thirsty. They were about to give up when they saw a genie. Behind the genie was a huge slide. The genie told them to slide down it yelling was they want to land in. The first guy slides down the slide yelling "WAAAAAAATTERRRR!!!" And he lands in a pool of water. The second guy slides down yelling "MIIIIIILLLLLKKKK!!!!!" And lands in a pool of milk. The last guy slides down yelling "WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Fred and Mavis were both Patients at a mental hospital. Mavis jumped in the deep end of the pool, without realising what she was doing, and started drowning. Fred, without thinking, jumped in after her and saved her life. He then gave her the kiss of life and saved her. The next day happened to be his hospital review. Thjey told him they had good new and bad news. They said the good news was because he saved Mavis he would be allowed out of hospital. The bad news was that Mavis had hung herself with the cord of her dressing gown.
"She didn't hang her self" Fred laughed
"I left her there to dry!
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?!" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
A string walked into a bar. He sat down and ordered a beer, the bar tender says "Hey, get the **** out! We don't serve strings in this bar!!" So, the string walks out as his other string friend walks in, and he tells him, "dude, dont go in there, they wont serve you!" and the string says, "watch me!" and he ties himself into a knot and ruffles his hair and goes walkin' in and sits down and the bar tender says , "Hey, wern't you the string that was just in here!!" and the string says, "No, I'm a-frayed-knot!
Three women are about to be executed.
One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!''
Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!''
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!''
Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!''
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out.
The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!''
and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''