"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Jokes and Games
Click Here to Login
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-16-2005, 09:53 PM   #1
Chef Extraordinaire
pdswife's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 20,332
Send a message via AIM to pdswife Send a message via MSN to pdswife Send a message via Yahoo to pdswife
Talking A New Twist on the Creation Story....

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the
Earth and populated the
Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach,
green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would
live long and healthy

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben
and Jerry's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want
chocolate with that?" And
Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as
you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep the figure that

Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white
flour from the wheat, and

sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman
went from size 6 to size

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan
presented Thousand
Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast
on the side. And Man
Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep
fried fish and chicken
fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And
Man gained more weight
and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named
it "Angel Food Cake,"
and said, "It is good." Satan then created
chocolate cake and named it
"Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His
children might lose those

extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a
remote control so Man would
not have to toil changing the channels. And Man
and Woman laughed and
before the flickering blue light and gained

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low
in fat and brimming with
nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man
gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume
fewer calories and still

satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's
and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with
that?" And Man replied,
"Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is
good." And Man went
cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.


In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
pdswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2005, 09:59 PM   #2
Certified Pretend Chef
Andy M.'s Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 43,581
Hilarious! I just sent it to all my friends and family!

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
Andy M. is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2005, 10:11 PM   #3
Chef Extraordinaire
middie's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Cleveland,Ohio USA
Posts: 16,263
Send a message via Yahoo to middie
lmao pds. good one
middie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2005, 10:23 PM   #4
Chef Extraordinaire
kadesma's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: california
Posts: 21,372
Oh boy, you've done it again there girl

HEAVEN is Cade, Ethan,Carson, and Olivia,Alyssa,Gianna
kadesma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2005, 09:47 PM   #5
Head Chef
lindatooo's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Portland, Or
Posts: 1,173
Oh my sides hurt! Thank you! I can think of at least a dozen people to send this to!
Cooking is like love, it should be entered into with abandon or not at all. Oregon native transplanted to Chicago....
lindatooo is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:12 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.