"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Jokes and Games
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 09-11-2005, 12:02 PM   #1
Head Chef
 
tancowgirl2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,490
Send a message via Yahoo to tancowgirl2000
Beans

If this doesn't make you laugh out loud, nothing will.

Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always have a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."

She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work, since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be
late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still
had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it,she had consumed 3 large orders of baked beans.

All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.

Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to
remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.

He then went to answer the telephone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so
while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood
mill.

She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.

When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was
surprised!

There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!


__________________

__________________
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
tancowgirl2000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2005, 12:10 PM   #2
Master Chef
 
texasgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: North Texas
Posts: 9,497
OMG, can you imagine??
__________________

__________________
texasgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2005, 12:21 PM   #3
Chef Extraordinaire
 
pdswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 20,308
Send a message via AIM to pdswife Send a message via MSN to pdswife Send a message via Yahoo to pdswife
Lol! Great Giggle!
__________________
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
pdswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2005, 12:22 PM   #4
Chef Extraordinaire
 
middie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Cleveland,Ohio USA
Posts: 16,264
Send a message via Yahoo to middie
oh i'd be looking for a rock to hide under for all of eternity lmbo
__________________
middie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2005, 04:24 PM   #5
Head Chef
 
KAYLINDA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: CHERRYVALE, KANSAS
Posts: 1,313
I would be crying as I ran from the room...(but hopefully I could laugh about it later).
__________________
KAYLINDA
You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.
KAYLINDA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2005, 04:28 PM   #6
Sous Chef
 
Ken's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 725
And you promised Alix you'd never tell that story about her!

For shame.....
__________________
"Mmmmmm. Floor pie."
Ken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2005, 04:31 PM   #7
Master Chef
 
texasgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: North Texas
Posts: 9,497
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken
And you promised Alix you'd never tell that story about her!

For shame.....
She's gonna kick your buuuuuttttt
__________________
texasgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2005, 04:35 PM   #8
Contest Winner
 
Maidrite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Pageland SC
Posts: 3,114
Wink

So when did this happen to you Tanis ?

I might have had the happen to me............................. Nope just kidding...................



I think a man would be ok with it, A lady on the other hand would just die.
Thank You for the Laugh!
__________________
If you need a smile, take mine, I'll make a new one.
Maidrite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2005, 07:22 PM   #9
Head Chef
 
tancowgirl2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,490
Send a message via Yahoo to tancowgirl2000
Just die??? Thats it?? Oh My!!! My soul would NEVER rest if that happened NEVER!!!
__________________
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
tancowgirl2000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-12-2005, 06:53 PM   #10
Everymom
 
Alix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 23,184
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken
And you promised Alix you'd never tell that story about her!

For shame.....
I feel some negative karma coming your way!! Or maybe some RICE for dinner!!!
__________________

__________________
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams
Alix
Alix is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:11 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.