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Old 05-12-2005, 10:04 AM   #1
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For Lovers Of The English Language

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've
learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!
This little treatise on the lovely language we share
is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English
lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought
it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow
to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And
why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural
of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have
a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat? In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by
ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?


You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in
which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in
which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of
course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

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Old 05-12-2005, 11:05 AM   #2
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I truly admire people that come to this country and pick it up at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-12-2005, 11:16 AM   #3
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So do I elf!
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Old 05-12-2005, 11:17 AM   #4
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Huh????????????
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Old 05-12-2005, 12:11 PM   #5
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You'd think that, since the English language has 2-3 times as many words as just about any other language on this planet, we wouldn't have to use the same words for different things...
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Old 05-12-2005, 01:25 PM   #6
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Wow... no wonder I get confused all the time.
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Old 05-12-2005, 02:13 PM   #7
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did you guys ever see the I Love Lucy episode where Lucy has Ricky read a storybook, to get ready for their baby who was on the way?
Here's poor Ricky, reading words like cough, rough, though, thought and having no luck. Quite a funny one.
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Old 05-13-2005, 11:48 AM   #8
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Yes it is sad that we can't even master our own lauguage. However we haven't been forced to like many that come here. It has been proven during wars or captivity that your learning curve increases. Also we don't speak other languages well because we don't use them except to learn them. If you spoke spanish half the day every day it would be much easier. what would be hard is to learn to write Chinese or Japanese. I have heard they are very hard to learn. But they say English is one of the hardest to speak, can't prove that by me ! Anyway my hats are off to them !
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Old 05-13-2005, 12:02 PM   #9
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not to mention the words like... there, their, and they're. bare and bear. here and hear etc...
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Old 05-16-2005, 04:55 PM   #10
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Try this one, gang:

GHOTI

It spells "fish". How?

"gh" is pronounced as in "rough"
"o" is pronounced as in "women"
"ti' is pronounced as in "nation"
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