"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Jokes and Games
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 11-08-2005, 10:54 PM   #1
Certified Pretend Chef
 
Andy M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 41,393
Language Gymnastics

FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE ( or Severe Distortions, thereof )

1. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

2. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before

3. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

4. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

5. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris must be in Seine

6. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

8. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

10. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

11. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

12. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

13. Definition of a will: A dead give away.

14. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

15. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

17. If you don't pay your exorcist, you'll get repossessed.

18. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

19. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

20. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

21. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

22. Every calendar's days are numbered.

23. A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

24. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

25. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

26. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

27. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

28. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

29. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

30. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
__________________

__________________
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
Andy M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2005, 11:16 PM   #2
Traveling Welcome Wagon
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Somewhere, US
Posts: 15,919
I love these! #14 has always been my favorite.

Barbara
__________________

__________________
Barbara L is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2005, 11:31 PM   #3
Head Chef
 
mrsmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 1,645
These are great, I'm cutting and pasting so i can take them to school tomorrow.
__________________
There is no such thing as a little garlic.
mrsmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2005, 12:53 AM   #4
Chef Extraordinaire
 
pdswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 20,308
Send a message via AIM to pdswife Send a message via MSN to pdswife Send a message via Yahoo to pdswife
Talking

Very good!
Thanks for posting this.
__________________
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
pdswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2005, 02:58 AM   #5
Contest Winner
 
Maidrite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Pageland SC
Posts: 3,114
Wink

Andy I always knew you had it in you, Just Kidding I enjoyed all of these, Thank You !
Have a Piece of Pizza Your Hired !
__________________
If you need a smile, take mine, I'll make a new one.
Maidrite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2005, 07:48 PM   #6
Chef Extraordinaire
 
middie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Cleveland,Ohio USA
Posts: 16,264
Send a message via Yahoo to middie
love #2 and 4 lol
__________________
middie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2005, 02:45 AM   #7
Master Chef
 
cara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Hannover, Germany
Posts: 5,763
hey, that's great!
__________________
LiGruess cara ~~~ Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
cara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2005, 10:15 AM   #8
Chef Extraordinaire
 
buckytom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: My mountain
Posts: 18,766
rofl, these are great, thanks andy.
__________________
in nomine patri, et fili, et spiritus sancti.


Meh nom eh noh...doot dooooo do do do.
buckytom is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-12-2005, 07:12 AM   #9
Chef Extraordinaire
 
mudbug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: NoVA, beyond the Beltway
Posts: 11,166
love 'em.
here's one I like, not exactly the same thing, but oh well....

...and lead us not into Penn Station.
__________________
Kool Aid - Think before you drink.
mudbug is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-14-2005, 12:13 AM   #10
Chef Extraordinaire
 
buckytom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: My mountain
Posts: 18,766
lol 'bug. i will be thinking of that the next time i'm on 34th street.

and don't forget. from america the beautiful, "god shares his grapes with thee".
__________________

__________________
in nomine patri, et fili, et spiritus sancti.


Meh nom eh noh...doot dooooo do do do.
buckytom is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:09 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.