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Old 06-11-2005, 09:13 AM   #1
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Male versus Female War

Okay since I don't know what to do on a rainy day, I thought why not do what most women like to do? TIME TO HAVE A MALE/FEMALE WAR!!!! Okay I get to start.



What did god say after creating man?
I can do better.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business.

What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.

Q: HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER?
A: We don't know... it's never happened!!

A blonde guy was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, he said to himself "oh well!" and turned around and drove home!

Q: It seems that this perfect man met this perfect woman and they got married. One day on December 24 they were driving down the road and they noticed a man stranded on the side of the road. This was no ordinary man, but it was Santa Claus. Being the perfect people that they were they offered Santa a ride because he was in a hurry to get his toys delivered. So the perfect man and perfect woman sped up to deliver Santa to his destination on time. Alas, the roads were slippery and the car got into an accident and 2 of the 3 people were killed. Can you guess who survived?
A: Since Santa Claus and a Perfect Man are both myths...the perfect woman had to survive.

NEXT?

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Old 06-11-2005, 10:02 AM   #2
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I have some , somewhere, {searching...searching} I'll find them!!
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Old 06-11-2005, 10:15 AM   #3
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Icy, I can't post mine. they aren't xrated or anything, but, they are probably r rated with mitch and hamburger, at least, I better not do it, sorry. I can give you this one though.. I have some woman bashing jokes that I think are hilarious that will make the men look bad too, but, I don't think some of the woman would like it much


Q:What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
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Old 06-11-2005, 10:25 AM   #4
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Guys, these are just for fun!! Don't take offense to them. Come on, I know ya'll have some too. My sisters and I do this all the time with dh and the bil's. It gets really funny.
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Old 06-11-2005, 10:33 AM   #5
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Yep yep is just for fun. I know how many women bashing jokes there are out there. Just keep them kid friendly. :) Never know when a little one will be reading over mama's or papa's shoulder.
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Old 06-11-2005, 01:43 PM   #6
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Q: It seems that this perfect man met this perfect woman and they got married. One day on December 24 they were driving down the road and they noticed a man stranded on the side of the road. This was no ordinary man, but it was Santa Claus. Being the perfect people that they were they offered Santa a ride because he was in a hurry to get his toys delivered. So the perfect man and perfect woman sped up to deliver Santa to his destination on time. Alas, the roads were slippery and the car got into an accident and 2 of the 3 people were killed. Can you guess who survived?
A: Since Santa Claus and a Perfect Man are both myths...the perfect woman had to survive.


omg too funny !!
thanks for the laugh icy
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Old 06-12-2005, 12:06 AM   #7
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Ok, I have several of these, but most are repeatable here. Here's this offering. If it's not decent, please feel free to remove it.

Women

I've been married 43 years & many ask my secret. I have decided to share this with those who are interested.

1. It is important to find a woman who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans, and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a woman who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a woman who is dependable and doesn't lie.

4. It is important to find a woman who's good in bed and who loves to have *** with you.

5. It is important that these four women never meet.
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Old 06-12-2005, 03:38 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AllenMI
Ok, I have several of these, but most are repeatable here. Here's this offering. If it's not decent, please feel free to remove it.

Women

I've been married 43 years & many ask my secret. I have decided to share this with those who are interested.

1. It is important to find a woman who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans, and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a woman who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a woman who is dependable and doesn't lie.

4. It is important to find a woman who's good in bed and who loves to have *** with you.

5. It is important that these four women never meet.

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Old 06-12-2005, 04:27 AM   #9
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LOL Naughty Allen :)
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Old 06-12-2005, 08:06 AM   #10
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Why Beer is Better than Women

You can enjoy a beer all month long
Beer stains wash out
You don't have to wine and dine a beer
Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football
When your beer goes flat, you toss it out
Beer never changes its mind
A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer
Beer is never late
Hangovers go away
Beer labels come off without a fight
Beer never has a headache
When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer
After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 10 cents
A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer
If you pour a beer right, you always get good head
You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty
A beer always goes down easy
You can share a beer with your friends
You always know when you are the first one to pop a beer
Beer is always wet
Beer doesn't demand quality
You can have a beer in public
A beer doesn't care when you come
A frigid beer is a good beer
You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good
If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony
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