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[font=Verdana,Arial]Mushroom walks into a bar, bellies on up to the bar and orders a beer. Bartender says: "Are you kidding? We don't serve mushrooms here!" Mushroom says: "Why not? I'm a fun-gi(guy)"
Haha. Get it?
[/font] [font=Verdana,Arial][size=+2]Stress Diet[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial] [/font][font=Verdana,Arial]This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. [/font]
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[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial]Mushroom walks into a bar, bellies on up to the bar and orders a beer. Bartender says: "Are you kidding? We don't serve mushrooms here!" Mushroom says: "Why not? I'm a fun-gi(guy)"
Haha. Get it?
[/font] [font=Verdana,Arial][size=+2]Stress Diet[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana,Arial] [/font][font=Verdana,Arial]This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. [/font]
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[*]Breakfast
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast - dry
8 oz skim milk
[*]Lunch
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie
[*]Midafternoon Snack
Rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints of Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
nuts, cherries, whipped cream
[*]Dinner
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large pitcher of beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers candy bars
[*]Late Evening News
entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from freezer [/font]
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[*]If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
[*] When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.
[*] When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.
[*] Foods used for medicinal purposes *never* count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee cheesecake.
[*] If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
[*] Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
Example: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie Rolls.
[*] Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.
[*] If you are in the process of preparing something, foods licked off knives and spoons have no calories.
Examples: peanut butter on a knife and ice cream on a spoon.
[*] Foods of the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples: green salad and Key Lime pie, mushrooms and white chocolate. Note: chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other. [/font]
