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Old 05-19-2005, 01:52 PM   #1
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New FDA Warnings on Alcohol

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and liquor bottles, such as:

13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an epileptic.

11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to BASH YOUR HEAD IN.

10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to say things like thish.

9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 AM.

8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the **** happened to your pants.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t remember).

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of otherwise inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you are invisible.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing WITH you.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally "disappear."

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

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Old 05-19-2005, 02:12 PM   #2
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cute - I like the dancing one
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Old 05-19-2005, 02:14 PM   #3
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yep! I'm proof that all of the above are true. ( lol... though it was all proven a long long long long time ago.)
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Old 05-19-2005, 02:16 PM   #4
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Artist/Band: Paisley Brad
Lyrics for Song: Alcohol
Lyrics for Album: Other Songs
I can make anybody pretty
I can make you believe any lie
I can make you pick a fight
with somebody twice
your size. . .

Well I've been known to cause a few breakups
and I've been known to cause a few births
I can make you new friends
Or get you fired from work.

(Chorus)
And since the day I left Milwaukee
Lyncheburg Bourbon, France
Been makin the bars
With lots of big money
and helpin white people dance
I got you in trouble in high school
and college now that was a ball
you had some of the best times
you'll never remember with me
Alcohol, Alcohol

I got blamed at your wedding reception
for your best man's emberrasing speech
and also for those naked pictures of you at the beach
I've influenced kings and world leaders
I helped Hemingway write like he did
and I`ll bet you a drink or two that I can make you
put that lampshade on your head . .

And since the day I left Milwaukee
Lyncheburg Bourbon, France
Been makin a fool out of folks
just like you
and helpin white people dance
I am medicine and I am poison
I can help you up or make you fall
you had some of the best times
you'll never remember with me
Alcohol

And since the day I left Milwaukee
Lyncheburg Bourbon, France
Been makin the bars
With lots of big money
(crowd:) and helpin white people dance
I got you in trouble in high school
and college now that was a ball
you had some of the best times
you'll never remember with me
Alcohol, Alcohol
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Old 05-19-2005, 02:16 PM   #5
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lol mish. i'm guilty of about 8 of them.
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Old 05-19-2005, 02:31 PM   #6
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Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to go home.
Then they'll stone ya when you're there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone ya when you're walkin' 'long the street.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to keep your seat.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' on the floor.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' to the door.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

They'll stone ya when you're at the breakfast table.
They'll stone ya when you are young and able.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to make a buck.
They'll stone ya and then they'll say, "good luck."
Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone you and say that it's the end.
Then they'll stone you and then they'll come back again.
They'll stone you when you're riding in your car.
They'll stone you when you're playing your guitar.
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone you when you walk all alone.
They'll stone you when you are walking home.
They'll stone you and then say you are brave.
They'll stone you when you are set down in your grave.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.
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Old 05-19-2005, 03:57 PM   #7
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oh man i remember some of those happening lol.
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Old 05-19-2005, 04:57 PM   #8
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I'm extremly guilty of #5! Well, to be honest I'm guilty of quite a few of those.
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Old 05-19-2005, 05:17 PM   #9
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crewsk you're handsomer than chuck ????? okay i'm worried about you now lol.
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Old 05-19-2005, 05:22 PM   #10
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I was born fortunate. My taste buds say really nasty things to my brain whenever alcohol touches them. I also get sicker than a dog with only a moderate amount of drink. About three beers is three beers to many for my body.

I now belong to a faith that advises against alcoholic beverages. But I quit drinking long before I joined, not because I'm such an incredible person (though I wish the latter was true).

But, on the other hand, too many of my freinds got too drunk too many times. Some got in trouble, some didn't. But the drinking never helped one of them.

My own Father used to drink fairly heavily, but never in our home. But as he and my Mother were divorced and lived on opposite sides of town, I shuttled to his house every weekend. Sometimes he was drunk. And in those days, you didn't get into much trouble with the law for drunk driving. He was literally taking a chance with my life, though I was too young to know it back then. As you can see, I'm just not a big fan of alcohol.

Did you know that it's not just a powerful deppresent, but is a potent poison. There is a particular wild mushroom that when eaten, disables the body's ability to break down the alcohol into less poisonous substances and eliminate them from the body. The alcohol is the damaging element after eating this mushroom, not the fungus itself.

Also, a little alcohol with acetominophen will inhibit the liver's ability to break down the normally safe drug, which will then destroy the liver. It can be fatal.

You shouldn't have brought up the alcohol subject. I can't help myself on this one. I think alcoholic beverages do so much damage to people, even moderate drinkers. And I've heard all of the excuses for drinking. I tried it and found I couldn't do it. Now, with hindsight, I think that was a blessing for me.

Seeeeeya; Goodweed of the North
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