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Old 06-19-2005, 12:09 PM   #1
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North and South

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.

The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.

In the South: -- If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
store....do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

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Old 06-19-2005, 07:07 PM   #2
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too funny mish lol
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Old 06-20-2005, 10:09 AM   #3
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I love it mish!!
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Old 06-20-2005, 11:20 AM   #4
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crewsk, I was hoping you'd pop your head in.
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Old 06-20-2005, 05:51 PM   #5
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Loved it!!
Been there done that..LOL
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Old 06-23-2005, 08:36 PM   #6
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i married into a family of iowa transplants, and i'm a native texan. i had to send this to all of them cause they are gonna love it! i don't think a week goes by that i don't hear how much better things are up there...i just smile, cause I know better.

(i might be texas proud!)
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Old 06-23-2005, 10:04 PM   #7
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Quote:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Well, possibly.... yes.
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Old 07-07-2005, 12:35 PM   #8
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I live in Missouri, so some of the north and south things are very familiar to me, but definitely more of the south.

We eat at waffle houses for supper.
My best friend has given scars with her nails.
My grandma LOVED grits.
The sad thing is, my dad is usually one of the ones who pulls the cars out.
2 miles down the road is a store called "Ugo's Bait House." In this store, you find snacks, bait, soda, movies, and a few tanning beds.
If you use "proper" English, you are looked at kinda funny.
I have heard many older men say to new folks, "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
There is a little dish on our stove that we put bacon grease in.
My dad, while reading the newspaper, has said, "He needed killin."
I have to explain quite frequently to people what we say.
My sister got her first gun when she was 10.

See what I'm saying? We're hicks all the way!
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Old 07-07-2005, 01:16 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mish
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.
This is absolutely not a joke! A couple weeks ago I was on a ladies retreat with my church. We decided to leave the grounds and find something to eat. We saw a deli and started to go there. Then we saw the full name of the place. It was something-or-other "Deli and Bait." You really can buy bait in the weirdest places here!

Barbara
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