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Old 12-10-2005, 10:56 PM   #1
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Red Skelton's Recipe for a Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

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Old 12-11-2005, 11:27 AM   #2
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Actually, those are all Henny Youngman jokes. Red was a much kinder, gentler comedian, but don't get me wrong - I loved Henny...and I loved Red too. You know why they called him Henny? Because he laid so many eggs *rimshot*.

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Old 12-11-2005, 11:30 AM   #3
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OUCH! Serves me right to copy and paste stuff off the net, eh! hahahaha! I like Red Skelton too, but have never heard of Henny Youngman!
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Old 12-11-2005, 12:58 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon in KS
OUCH! Serves me right to copy and paste stuff off the net, eh! hahahaha! I like Red Skelton too, but have never heard of Henny Youngman!
Ah, you must be a youngster then. Not a problem - that's how you find out about these things! Of course Red Skelton was as old a comedian as Henny, but more famous. He had his own television show, whereas Henny was a standup comic. Henny's famous for his "Take my wife...please!" joke. He had a fantastic rapid-fire delivery, and I don't think his style changed much from the vaudeville days until the day he passed. Why fool with a good thing?

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Old 12-11-2005, 06:05 PM   #5
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there are three little words that never fail (two versions):

You're right, honey.
I was wrong.
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Old 12-12-2005, 07:38 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mudbug
there are three little words that never fail (two versions):

You're right, honey.
I was wrong.
Mudbug, your great wisdome is praise worthy
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