Subject: End of the Year Thank You
I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time and trouble to send
me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Extra thanks to whoever sent me
the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to
go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. Also, I have
to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the
people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under
God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
cologne sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to
-A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand