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Old 10-11-2012, 10:17 PM   #2141
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Originally Posted by MrsLMB View Post
That will be my new motto
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:48 AM   #2142
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**WARNING** This is a joke, only a joke posted in "Today's Funny" for that reason. If you are offended, don't respond, just don't read it.

Itís tough out there I tell ya, the recession has hit everybody.....

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.



CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Itís tough out there I tell ya!
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:52 AM   #2143
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ROFL! Patty!
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Old 10-12-2012, 01:20 AM   #2144
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PattY1 View Post
**WARNING** This is a joke, only a joke posted in "Today's Funny" for that reason. If you are offended, don't respond, just don't read it.

Itís tough out there I tell ya, the recession has hit everybody.....

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.


CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Itís tough out there I tell ya!
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Old 10-12-2012, 01:21 AM   #2145
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It was funny, but it's a bit too late, after being offended, not to read it.
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Old 10-12-2012, 01:27 AM   #2146
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessFiona60 View Post
Love the Middle Wife! Thanks, Snip!
Out of the mouths of Babes! Most of my funniest real life stories include my kids
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"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass."

"I hear voices and they don't like you "
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Old 10-12-2012, 01:54 AM   #2147
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessFiona60 View Post
I'm taking sparkles to my next appointment in a couple of weeks.

I dare you Fiona!
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Old 10-12-2012, 02:30 AM   #2148
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When I was younger the only place I never wanted to end up was Brakpan, guess where I live now?
You have to be South African to know why, it's the place that is most known for what I guess Amreicans would call Trailer Trash lol!
Anyway here are some Brakpan one liners...

- You know you're in Brakpan when your Grandmother's pregnant.

- When a Brakpanner walks past the dam the ducks throw bread at him.

- Brakpanners can only count to 3, 1 lt brandy, 2 lt coke and 3 lt Ford Cortina,

- The most confusing day in Brakpan is Fathersday.

- Brakpanner's homes all look the same, tinted windows and dropped foundations.

- What is the difference between a Brakpan girl and a moquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

- You know you're in Brakpan when your children think Jack Daniels is a family member.

- In Brakpan the dogs walk in pairs, they're scared the children bight them.

- You know you're in Brakpan when you see children chasing the postman.

- Brakpan pick up line- Are you going to bend or can I trip you?
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Old 10-12-2012, 04:50 AM   #2149
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I dare you Fiona!
Fiona will you know Derek
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Old 10-12-2012, 06:05 AM   #2150
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