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Old 10-21-2012, 11:45 PM   #2321
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LOL!!
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Old 10-21-2012, 11:51 PM   #2322
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funny kitties

Look at these funny kitty cats
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:33 AM   #2323
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Old 10-22-2012, 09:13 AM   #2324
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Good animal jokes guys lol!
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"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass."

"I hear voices and they don't like you "
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Old 10-22-2012, 01:07 PM   #2325
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Little Jacob had a hard time getting use to a new baby in the house. Coming out of his bedroom talking rather loud and being told to be quiet, the baby is asleep, he very seriously said, "Well ya'll better be quiet, cause my foot`s asleep." Submitted by his Grandma
~~~~~
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
~~~~~
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"
Submitted by Zaxgram
~~~~~
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!
Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
Submitted by Qiltmeister
~~~~~
A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child."
Submitted by Zaxgram
~~~~~
One day a guy was driving with his four-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Daddy."
He replied, "How'd you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'JERK' afterwards!"

~~~~~
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"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass."

"I hear voices and they don't like you "
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Old 10-22-2012, 01:11 PM   #2326
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A first grade teacher collected some well known proverbs.
She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

Here are their completions:
Better To Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.
Strike While The... Bug Is Close.
It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of...Termites.
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But... How?
Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.
No News Is... Impossible.
A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.
You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Smell funny in the morning.
Love All, Trust.. Me
The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.
A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's...The Musketeers.
Don't Put Off Until Tomorrow What...you put on to go to bed tonight.
Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You Have To Blow
Your
Nose.
None Is So Blind As...Helen Keller.
Children Should Be Seen And Not...Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind...You better get out of the way. There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Edie.
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"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass."

"I hear voices and they don't like you "
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Old 10-22-2012, 01:14 PM   #2327
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I love them all, but the one about not saying jerk afterwards was my favourite.

I'm reminded of another true story. A couple was putting their son to bed and the son asked if he could sleep with his parents. They said no. He said, "But, you are grownups and you don't have to sleep alone. I'm just a little kid." Guess who got to sleep with his parents that night.
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Old 10-22-2012, 01:15 PM   #2328
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1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
2. A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted. “’Cause your feet ain't empty."
7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
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Old 10-22-2012, 02:49 PM   #2329
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:37 PM   #2330
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Love 'em Patty.
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