"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Jokes and Games
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 05-02-2012, 01:39 PM   #231
Certified Pretend Chef
 
Andy M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 41,393
Quote:
Originally Posted by taxlady View Post
Well, I've seen cats and dogs wipe.
Must have been Canadian dogs and cats.
__________________

__________________
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
Andy M. is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2012, 04:39 PM   #232
Chef Extraordinaire
 
taxlady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: near Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Posts: 18,893
Send a message via Skype™ to taxlady
My mummy-in-law just sent me this:



It said, in the email, "I e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"
__________________

__________________
May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.
Robert A. Heinlein
taxlady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2012, 05:44 PM   #233
Master Chef
 
Chief Longwind Of The North's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: USA,Michigan
Posts: 9,229
there was an atheist who also happened to be a nature lover, and a photographer. One day he was in a pristine and beautiful forest. The air smelled of water, and ferns, and was moist and cool, with the sun splashing though a canopy of leaves that crowned old growth maple, oaks, and birch trees. Sounds of songbirds filled the air, as did the splashing water of a nearby stream.

The man saw a beautiful elk in the distance. He adjusted his camera on its tripod and prepared to set the camera settings for a perfect shot. As he adjusted the camera dials, the blissful scene was shattered by a great crashing sound behind him. He turned in time to see a huge black bear coming at him like a locomotive. In his hast to run, he sent his camera sprawling onto the ground. The man ran for his life; but the bear ran faster. To his surprise, he was able to increase his speed. He looked back and saw that the animal was still gaining. Adrenaline kicked in, providing a charge of energy that made his legs churn even faster.

The atheist fairly flew across the forest floor. He looked back again. The bear was almost upon him. And then he tripped and found himself spraling on his back. He looked at the great beast that towered over him like the angel of death. As the animal raise one huge paw to deliver a killing blow, the man quickly mouthed "Oh God, don't let him kill me."

Everything stopped. The world became still, frozen in time. There was no sound, not movement. Then, a great voice filled the forest and said; "You have been denying me for all of your mortal existance, and at your time of death, you seek to plead with me."

The man was dumbfounded for an instant, then said; "God, if that's who you are, you are right. At my moment of death, it would be hypocritical of me to cry out for your help, rather than face my doom. But, I would ask one favor, not for myself, but for the great bear that hovers over me.."

"And what is your favor, unbeliever?"

"If I am not worthy to be called - Christian, then for this day, at this time, let the bear take upon himself that Christian belief."

"I will grant you this one favor, unbeliever."

The world became animated once more. To his amazement, the bear backed away a step and stood on its hind legs. It lowered its deadly pause and said; "Thank you father for your bounty. Please bless this food that I am about to eat."

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North
__________________
“No amount of success outside the home can compensate for failure within the home…"

Check out my blog for the friendliest cooking instruction on the net. Go ahead. You know you want to.- http://gwnorthsfamilycookin.wordpress.com/
Chief Longwind Of The North is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2012, 07:01 PM   #234
Chef Extraordinaire
 
Dawgluver's Avatar
Site Moderator
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 24,127
Quote:
Originally Posted by taxlady
My mummy-in-law just sent me this:

It said, in the email, "I e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"
ROFL!

Ah, Chief Longwind, one of my faves! A true classic!
__________________
She who dies with the most toys, wins.
Dawgluver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2012, 07:19 PM   #235
Ogress Supreme
 
PrincessFiona60's Avatar
Site Administrator
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 36,305
Quote:
Originally Posted by taxlady View Post
My mummy-in-law just sent me this:



It said, in the email, "I e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"
I WAS drinking coffee...Shrek is now wearing it.
__________________
PrincessFiona60 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2012, 09:38 PM   #236
Certified Pretend Chef
 
Andy M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 41,393
A wealthy ninety-one year-old man married a smoking hot twenty-six year old blonde of extraordinary beauty. He was blissfully happy during the honeymoon. As they settled down in their new home together, the young bride announced she was pregnant.

Shortly thereafter, the old guy was having his annual check up. He was very proud to inform the doctor he had gotten his new bride pregnant!

The doctor tried to tell the old guy he wasn't the father, it was physically impossible but his proud patient wouldn't hear it. So he told a little story in hopes the message would get through.

He told his elderly patient this story:

An elderly man decided to go hunting. He was distracted as he set out and instead of grabbing a rifle, he took an umbrella. He realized his mistake too late to turn back so decided to turn his hunting trip into a nice walk in the woods.

Lo and behold, he hadn't been walking for more than ten minutes when he came upon a bear cub. He was immediately wary as he knew the mother would be near and very protective of its cub.

No sooner had the thought entered his head when he heard an angry roar and turned to see the mother bear charging towards him.

The old timer figured he was doomed without a rifle and all he had was an umbrella. He figured, "What the Hell" and raised the umbrella, pointed it at the bear and yelled "BANG!" as loudly as he could. The bear fell dead in its tracks. The old hunter was dumbfounded.


The doctor then asked his elderly patient what he thought of the story. He replied, "Obviously, someone else shot the bear!".

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" replied the doctor.
__________________
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
Andy M. is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2012, 09:42 PM   #237
Chef Extraordinaire
 
CWS4322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Rural Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 12,326
Quote:
Originally Posted by taxlady View Post
My mummy-in-law just sent me this:



It said, in the email, "I e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"
__________________
I've got OCD--Obsessive Chicken Disorder!
http://www.discusscooking.com/forums...les-76125.html
CWS4322 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2012, 09:44 PM   #238
Chef Extraordinaire
 
CWS4322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Rural Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 12,326
Quote:
Originally Posted by Addie View Post
Translation: Potential Malpractice Suit.
Yeah--but is another way of saying the person died on the table...or the wrong parts were taken out--"Oh, this was supposed to be an appy? I thought it was a gallbladder surgery!"
__________________
I've got OCD--Obsessive Chicken Disorder!
http://www.discusscooking.com/forums...les-76125.html
CWS4322 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 08:36 AM   #239
Ogress Supreme
 
PrincessFiona60's Avatar
Site Administrator
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 36,305
It would be funny if not so true...
__________________
PrincessFiona60 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2012, 10:12 AM   #240
Chef Extraordinaire
 
Katie H's Avatar
Site Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: I live in the Heartland of the United States - Western Kentucky
Posts: 15,162
Quote:
Originally Posted by taxlady View Post
My mummy-in-law just sent me this:



It said, in the email, "I e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"
OMIGOSH!!!!! I just snorted orange juice all over the place.
__________________

__________________
"As a girl I had zero interest in the stove." - Julia Child
This is real inspiration. Look what Julia became!
Katie H is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

« Song Title Game | - »
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:02 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.