Today's Funny
- Thread starter PrincessFiona60
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone that enjoys cooking.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
Thank you. I needed that. Today is in the 40's. Sshh. I don't want to say it too loud or the mercury will plummet.
bakechef
Executive Chef
The indoctrination to the Costco cult is complete.
Today I'm wearing Kirkland brand underwear, boxer briefs...
Today I'm wearing Kirkland brand underwear, boxer briefs...
Are they comfy?
bakechef
Executive Chef
Actually quite comfortable, I'd put the quality somewhere between my hanes and nautica. They are excellent quality for the money.
Sent from my XT1080 using Discuss Cooking mobile app
Whiskadoodle
Executive Chef
I wear Kirkland brand Smart Wool Socks. ( very expensive at sporting goods stores) Costco sells them in 4 paks (of course) and calls theirs Outdoor Trail Socks / 70 % merino wool. BC, I bet they don't sell these in your neck of the woods.
bakechef
Executive Chef
Most likely not, they wouldn't see much use here.
Cooking Goddess
Chef Extraordinaire
Taxy, do you think it's possible that U.S. Climatologists determined it to be the warmest winter because of how warm it was where they had their heads? 
Taxy, do you think it's possible that U.S. Climatologists determined it to be the warmest winter because of how warm it was where they had their heads?
Dawgluver
Chef Extraordinaire
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 25,033
Last edited:
Aunt Bea
Master Chef
Aunt Bea
Master Chef
Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question:What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: Nuts!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their dult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question:What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question:What is the bestway to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
Question: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
SERENITY
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied...
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked..
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question:What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: Nuts!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their dult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question:What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question:What is the bestway to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
Question: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
SERENITY
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied...
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked..
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
OP
OP
LOL!
Aunt Bea
Master Chef
Awww, poor bunnies!
Dawgluver
Chef Extraordinaire
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 25,033
Last edited:
Cooking Goddess
Chef Extraordinaire
That's the crabbiest Easter bunny I've ever seen, Dawg! 
