Today's Funny

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

My parent to child incident had nothing to do with disciplining one of my children. Rather, one of them was too young, and in the wrong place at the wrong time when older boys struck the entrance hole of an underground yellow-jacket nest. He came running home with one of the little buggers caught in his hair and stinging him repeatedly. So trying to find the critter as quickly as I could, I searched through his hair with my fingers. I found the little wasp and swated it hard with the palm of my hand, right on top of his head. I'm not sure which he resented more, me clobbering him in an attempt to kill the yellow-jacket, or that he had been the innocent victim of other, older boy's actions. I felt bad, but did kill the bug.

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

yup!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

DH had Oral Surgery today and you'd think that the World was coming to an end ...



I felt that this was a very apropos today

 

[Dawgluver]

DH had Oral Surgery today and you'd think that the World was coming to an end ...



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I felt that this was a very apropos today

This is so true, K-girl!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Right Dawg?!

GEEZ LOUISE!
It was just a little thing, put your big girl panties on

 

[Dawgluver]

Speaking of big girl panties, one of my dearest friends manages a convenience store in another state. She put on a pair of skinny-leg dress pants, and got to work with one of her fave employees for about 6 hours. Then she noticed the look of horror on his face as he pulled a lump from the bottom of her pantleg. It was yesterday's granny panties, and she had been dragging them around all day. So what does she do? She puts them on her head, and tells him it's a hat. I suggested that she attach a feather and maybe a couple flowers.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

speaking of big girl panties, one of my dearest friends manages a convenience store in another state. She put on a pair of skinny-leg dress pants, and got to work with one of her fave employees for about 6 hours. Then she noticed the look of horror on his face as he pulled a lump from the bottom of her pantleg. It was yesterday's granny panties, and she had been dragging them around all day. So what does she do? She puts them on her head, and tells him it's a hat. I suggested that she attach a feather and maybe a couple flowers.

 

[taxlady]

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

DH had Oral Surgery today and you'd think that the World was coming to an end ...

View attachment 26791

I felt that this was a very apropos today

Depends on the man. Some of us are made of sturdier stock than others., and I'm not talking fish stock either.



Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

 

[Chief Longwind Of The North]

View attachment 26797

Living where I live, I've assumed that position more than once, and from standing tall to lying on my back, sliding. And I can live to tell about it due to having learned all of thos Judo falling techniques in my youth (true story).

Think man walking with a 6 foot ladder in one hand, and a forty pound bag of tools in the other, on ice. Suddenly one foot slips forward uncontrollably and that man is falling backward. The tools get thrown to one side, while the ladder gets thrown to the other, without thinking about anything as I'm hurtling toward the ground. My head tucks forward, and my arms swing down to slap the ground hard with my forearms, to absorb much of the force. My head never hits the ice, and my back upper back and my forearms spread the force so that no one part hits hard enough to cause injury. And it all happens so fast, with no thought involved that it seems almost instantaneous.

Any of you who have learned falling technique in martial arts class can back me up on this. But I have to tell you, when people see you go down in such situations, women gasp, some yell your name, some squeal. Men rush to your side to see if you're still alive. Then you get up and brush yourself off, completely unhurt, and people tell you that your are so lucky to not have been hurt, and just last week, so and so slipped on ice and broke his/her arm.

A week or so later, it's the funniest story in the workplace. You learn to grin and take the jabs, because you were the one silly enough to lose your footing on slippery ice, and your legend grows.

I've slid down many a slippery slope, just like that bear, and I probably looked just as crazy and helpless. Only one fall ever scared me, and the ice-damn at the edge of my 2nd story roof allowed me to halt my downward plunge to the ground. That one would have hurt.

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North

 

[Addie]

Chief, I was nine months pregnant and two weeks overdue. There was a car crash right in front of my door at night time. There was also black ice on the sidewalk. Hard to see in the dark. So I went out to see if anyone was hurt and if I could help them. I went flying on the ice. It was Christmas Eve. I landed half on my tummy. "Oh great, I guess I will be having a Christmas present. A neighbor came to me while I was still on the ground. "Are you all right? Do you need any help?

"Oh no, I was just checking the under part of the car to make sure they would be able to drive it home."

"Oh, okay. As long as you aren't hurt." And he walked away. Fortunately, someone else came along and helped me up. I went inside and let someone else worry about the car and driver. I had the baby two days later.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

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Where did you get that picture of me with 4 paws in the air? I hate those intersection cameras...

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

 

[Katie H]

View attachment 26806

Yep! But there's no photo showing the canine "protector" directing the thief to where the good jewelry, weapons and silver are stored. For some reason, the words "jewelry, silver, guns, valuables" sound like "treats."

Just sayin'!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Katie, also not shown is the image sound of any cutlery clinking against dishware, the refrigerator door opening, the electric can opener, or loud crunching sounds coming from their humans... the list is endless

 

[dragnlaw]

Well, I think my current companion would not only show them where the silver was but help them carry it out!

One animal trains the next one so it goes on and on and on... how in the world do they know what the sound of that cheese wrapper means? She will ignore the fridge door opening but as soon as she hears that cellophane, she's 2" from my hip.

 

[Addie]

I used to think Teddy's barking every time a neighbor's door was opening was to warn us that someone was near my door. But now I have second thoughts. Every since #211 asked where he was yesterday. She didn't hear him bark when she left her apartment. His barking is not a warning to us, but a big hello to the other tenants.

 

[taxlady]

I used to think Teddy's barking every time a neighbor's door was opening was to warn us that someone was near my door. But now I have second thoughts. Every since #211 asked where he was yesterday. She didn't hear him bark when she left her apartment. His barking is not a warning to us, but a big hello to the other tenants.

You may well be right.

 

[Dawgluver]

We boarded the plane. Directly in front of me, three very large men who didn't know each other were all squished into one row. I offered to give them my shoehorn. Think of three pieces of pizza, point side down.

Thankfully, the flight wasn't totally full, so the slice in the middle got to move. The rather large lady in my row (we had a seat between us!) told them she'd move into their middle seat. Cracked me up!