Today's Funny

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Charlie’s wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her.
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything like this before.”
The Doctor replied, “Actually, I’ve seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed.”
 
To follow Kayelle's odor problem ....






Curtain Rods

When her husband left for the islands, he told her she had to be out of their house in three days, as He was bringing his new girlfriend home then.....

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day,she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted
on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished,she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps and some shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left..

When her ex husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days; then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning mopping and airing the place out....
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!!

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half,
they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place..


The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would he be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell
was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10 th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home........
And just to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods.
 
Yesterday was not one of my favorite days. A lot of pain. When I came home from LM, I sat down at the computer and the first thing I clicked on was "Today's Funny."

Thank you so much to every one for making the start of my days on the right note. It is hard to feel the pain when you are full of laughter.
 
Kayelle, your joke reminded me of an aunt and uncle's 25th anniversary party that their daughter and SIL held in their basement rec room. The daughter had "framed" one of the wedding photos with a toilet seat and had mounted it on the wall at the bottom of the steps. It was the first thing that you saw as you went down the stairs. [emoji38]
 
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