Today's Funny

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Ponder This!

Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke. Go ahead and try it.....

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going? (taxes?)

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change??? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

HOW DID THE MAN WHO MADE THE FIRST CLOCK, KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS?
 
The Lone Ranger's Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger" ...
"In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request???'
The Lone Ranger responds,"I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees,and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"READ MY LIPS!!!!"
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...

"BRING POSSE"
 
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