Today's Funny

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A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks.

The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."
 
It is seven a.m. and I am sitting here laughing my head off. Thank you for starting my day off with laughter. :ROFLMAO:
 
I keep telling the DH that there are two things that drive women crazy--leaving the toilet seat up at night is one of them.

I keep telling my wife that their is one thing that drives men crazy, women! i mean, how hard is it to look at the toilet before sitting down? :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO: Ducking very low, with something to protect the head, and running very fast (and yes, I do put the toilet lid down religiously).

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North
 
I'm reminded of a male comedian who said, "Men, put the toilet seat down!"

Then he launched into the explanation. If you don't put the seat down, the wife/gf will get one of those fuzzy toilet tank covers with matching lid cover. Then the seat won't stay up and your goodies are at risk. :LOL:
 
10 best reasons to put the toilet seat down, in no particular order:

1. Your DW is like Lucy from the Peanuts cartoon as she closes her fist, one finger at a time, while counting.

2. Your daughters are the same as DW

3. It makes you seem like a thoughtful guy (in reality, you're afraid of the Lucy scenario)

4. You don't want to hear about it for a month.

5. You truly are thoughtful

6. Your DW is the main cook and you want your meals edible

7. Your DW is the laundry expert of the house, and you don't want starch in your shorts, or Tabasco Sauce:ohmy:

8. She sleeps with you, and if you leave the lid up, that's all she'll do with you, is sleep.

9. She takes great pleasure in announcing your inability to put the lid down to all of her female friends, and you know that they will plot something to get even.

10. She's not above hiding your rifle, or bow, or boat keys, or motorcycle keys, etc.

So give me all of the reasons you put the lid down. Men of DC, give it up.

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North
 
I want the lid down, not just the seat. Why, well first, studies have shown (and no, I don't have specific referances and I'm too lazy to look them back up) that flushing the toilet with the lid up sprays micro-particles of what's in the toilet all over the bathroom. Those particles can even end up in your the medicine cabinet. I don't want that stuff on my tooth brush. Second, it's bad enough when the cat puts dry paws on my face because I onow those things have been in the litter-box. Wet paws after having played in the toilet... So yeah, forget the whole I don't want to fall in bit. Put the lid down and keep the toilet contents where they belong.
 

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