Today's Funny
- Thread starter PrincessFiona60
- Start date
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**WARNING** This is a joke, only a joke posted in "Today's Funny" for that reason. If you are offended, don't respond, just don't read it.
It’s tough out there I tell ya, the recession has hit everybody.....
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
It’s tough out there I tell ya!
It’s tough out there I tell ya, the recession has hit everybody.....
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
It’s tough out there I tell ya!
OP
OP
ROFL! Patty!
Snip 13
Master Chef
It was funny, but it's a bit too late, after being offended, not to read it.
Snip 13
Master Chef
Out of the mouths of Babes! Most of my funniest real life stories include my kids
Snip 13
Master Chef
When I was younger the only place I never wanted to end up was Brakpan, guess where I live now?
You have to be South African to know why, it's the place that is most known for what I guess Amreicans would call Trailer Trash lol!
Anyway here are some Brakpan one liners...
- You know you're in Brakpan when your Grandmother's pregnant.
- When a Brakpanner walks past the dam the ducks throw bread at him.
- Brakpanners can only count to 3, 1 lt brandy, 2 lt coke and 3 lt Ford Cortina,
- The most confusing day in Brakpan is Fathersday.
- Brakpanner's homes all look the same, tinted windows and dropped foundations.
- What is the difference between a Brakpan girl and a moquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.
- You know you're in Brakpan when your children think Jack Daniels is a family member.
- In Brakpan the dogs walk in pairs, they're scared the children bight them.
- You know you're in Brakpan when you see children chasing the postman.
- Brakpan pick up line- Are you going to bend or can I trip you?
You have to be South African to know why, it's the place that is most known for what I guess Amreicans would call Trailer Trash lol!
Anyway here are some Brakpan one liners...
- You know you're in Brakpan when your Grandmother's pregnant.
- When a Brakpanner walks past the dam the ducks throw bread at him.
- Brakpanners can only count to 3, 1 lt brandy, 2 lt coke and 3 lt Ford Cortina,
- The most confusing day in Brakpan is Fathersday.
- Brakpanner's homes all look the same, tinted windows and dropped foundations.
- What is the difference between a Brakpan girl and a moquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.
- You know you're in Brakpan when your children think Jack Daniels is a family member.
- In Brakpan the dogs walk in pairs, they're scared the children bight them.
- You know you're in Brakpan when you see children chasing the postman.
- Brakpan pick up line- Are you going to bend or can I trip you?
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OP
OP
I dare you Fiona!
Shrek has already told me I couldn't take them...darn betcha I will now.
CWS4322
Chef Extraordinaire
I found 4 funnies today...can't decide which one to post...eanie...meanie...miney..moe...
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Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
I've seen that one about the turkey before, minus the pic. I love it.
+1Yes CWS...more please
CWS4322
Chef Extraordinaire
Here's the one that made me chuckle-especially since last night was the first night of curling for the season and I didn't want to tumble out of bed thus morning...the other two are kitty-cat ones...
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