Skittle68
Sous Chef
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Today's Funny
- Thread starter PrincessFiona60
- Start date
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When Shreddy was a kitten I had to get a covered litter box. He would look for his poops and get more and more frantic, finally looking like a cartoon dog digging a hole, with cat litter flying out of the box. You just knew he was thinking, "I'm sure I left them here."
Once again this year, I've had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit
Sample the tequila to check quality.
Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 s and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Mristmas
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit
Sample the tequila to check quality.
Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 s and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Mristmas
OP
OP
ROFL! Sounds a lot like my Rum Cake recipe.
Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
The Day After Christmas
'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Everey creature was hurtin' even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa pased out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstiars the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversize mirror
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox.
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shoulting he called them by name.
"Now Dillard's, now WalMart, now Penny's and Sears,
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target's and Mervn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway, chargeaway, chargeway all."
He whooped and he whistled as he fiinished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU BOUGHT . . . . . . .YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"
'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Everey creature was hurtin' even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa pased out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstiars the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversize mirror
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox.
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shoulting he called them by name.
"Now Dillard's, now WalMart, now Penny's and Sears,
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target's and Mervn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway, chargeaway, chargeway all."
He whooped and he whistled as he fiinished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU BOUGHT . . . . . . .YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"
Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
The 12-Step Internet Recovery Program
- I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to before the Internet.
- I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
- I will get dressed before noon.
- I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
- I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
- I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
- I will read a book-if I still remember how.
- I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
- I will not be tempted during TV commericials to check for email.
- I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
- I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
- Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime . . . And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
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Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
When you work in a large office, stuff like this flies around all the time. Some I kept, most I didn't.
Skittle68
Sous Chef
[*]I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to before the Internet.
[*]I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
[*]I will get dressed before noon.
[*]I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
[*]I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
[*]I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
[*]I will read a book-if I still remember how.
[*]I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
[*]I will not be tempted during TV commericials to check for email.
[*]I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
[*]I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
[*]Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime . . . And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
Lol I need to add: [*] I will finish my homework before I even think about checking my Facebook, or DC
Andy M.
Certified Pretend Chef
OP
OP
I expected...
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Dawgluver
Chef Extraordinaire
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 25,033
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