Today's Funny

[creative]

I unload the same way at checkout. Bread, chips and produce last so no crushed bread or bruised produce.

The bread I buy is quite solid, i.e. organic stoneground wholemeal so could go in first!

I wonder if others do what I do - I always put the meat/poultry/fish in a smaller plastic bag that has the milk carton in it and tie them up together. That way it stays fairly chilled until I get home, since I walk and take buses.

 

[Addie]

I always make sure I buy something I can just heat up. I'm beat by the time I'm done shopping, and the fridge is packed full of things that need prep work done just to make room in the fridge to maneuver!

When I went shopping last Tuesday, I got one of the electric carts that was defective. I was at the back of the store and was trying to get the cart up front to change carts. I asked one person (worker) to help me. According to him, I didn't know how to use it properly. It would start and just STOP with a jerk. I almost banged my head on the handle console. It took me 20 minutes to get the dang thing up front where a lovely girl transferred all my groceries to a cart she tested and knew would work. But those 20 minutes of fighting that cart left me exhausted. Spike put my groceries away (bless his heart) and I had to lay down after taking some of my heart meds. The Pirate came by later and did the meats for me. He even straightened out the freezer. I fell asleep for four hours. That battle with the defective cart just knocked me for a loop!

 

[Cooking Goddess]

Guilty! If I time my cooking and shopping just right, I have enough leftovers in the refrigerator for both of us on the day I shop. If I'm out of leftovers, one of those rotisserie chickens usually follows me home...

 

[Dawgluver]

Heh:
http://www.hrtwarming.com/woman-mak...e-her-this-but-is-shocked-with-what-followed/

 

[Cooking Goddess]

I used to have a sweatshirt with a bear and a big sundae. It said "life is short, eat dessert first". I "ate dessert first" so often the shirt didn't fit and I sold it in a garage sale.

 

[taxlady]

That was funny and cute Dawg.

 

[Dawgluver]

Thanks, Taxy, I thought it was cute too!

 

[callmaker60]

Help me Lord

Heard this on a recent Joel Osteen program.

Pastor was out bear hunting and had no luck, he threw his gun on the ground, and sat my a stream to relax, all of a sudden he see's a bear running straight toward him, the Pastor stood up, and said Lord I need help rescue me, make this bear a christian bear. All of a sudden the bear stops in his tracks, looks toward the sky, and says thank you Lord for this food I am about to eat.

 

[taxlady]

Shorts and sandals weather in tomorrow's forecast: 6° (43°F).

 

[Cooking Goddess]

Himself said somebody lost a bet.

 

[Andy M.]

Shorts and sandals weather in tomorrow's forecast: 6° (43°F).

Himself said somebody lost a bet.

Maybe not. We see teens in shorts and tees in the dead of winter all the time. SO's son was like that 35 years ago. half a dozen winter coats in the closet and he never wore them.

 

[Dawgluver]

Having worked in schools for over 30 years, I've seen all manner of young "machismos" braving the weather in shorts and t-shirts. Not particularily attractive, they just turn blue and shiver And they all have coats available.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

I see them at the bus stop across the street, wondering whose mother let them out of the house dressed like that. I guess parents were allowed to be "abusive" when I was young and make us dress for the weather.

 

[Andy M.]

I see them at the bus stop across the street, wondering whose mother let them out of the house dressed like that. I guess parents were allowed to be "abusive" when I was young and make us dress for the weather.

Sometimes when I'm picking up my grandson at the school bus stop, I see teens walking home in short sleeves and shorts with a winter jacket under one arm.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

We see guys in shorts when it's snowing a lot. Heck, guy-in-picture is actually wearing a hooded sweatshirt, so he's kinda overdressed for the weather. It's the sandals, SANDALS!, that makes me wonder about this one. Even when I was young and crazy, as opposed to just crazy like now, my toes didn't come out to play until the temperatures hit the 50s.

 

[Addie]

One of the nice thing about old age? You get a good dose of common sense. You dress according to the weather. I have a faux fur coat that looks like the fur of a snow leopard. I get more compliments on that coat. I almost hate to see winter end.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

...I almost hate to see winter end...

Bite your tongue, Addie!

 

[Addie]

Bite your tongue, Addie!

Forgive me. My tongue is now gushing with blood. YUM! Oh dear I need a lot of help. I think I am the only person who loves the smell of fresh blood.

 

[CWS4322]

Warning: Do not read while drinking a beverage:


A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old
gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop, 'I know that on your pension it would probably be difficult for you to ever hope to have a real holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at myexpense. ... I won't take no for an answer.'
He had his secretary to write two flight tickets and arrange a room in a five star hotel. As can be expected, the elderly pair accepted with gratitude, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. 'And how did
you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to
thank you, but one thing puzzled me. Who was that old bugger I had to
share the room with?

 

[Aunt Bea]

We see guys in shorts when it's snowing a lot. Heck, guy-in-picture is actually wearing a hooded sweatshirt, so he's kinda overdressed for the weather. It's the sandals, SANDALS!, that makes me wonder about this one. Even when I was young and crazy, as opposed to just crazy like now, my toes didn't come out to play until the temperatures hit the 50s.

I'll give him a pass on the sandals, I'm impressed that his pants are pulled up around his waist!