Not original, a friend sent these to me and could not resist sharing them:
Hear you wife left you,
how upset you must be.
But do not fret about it...
She moved in with me.
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I cannot help but wonder...
What the **** was I thinking?
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your choice.
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love
After having met you,
I've changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought religion to my life.
I never believed in **** until I met you.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
that you're not here to ruin it for me.
Congratulations on your promotion,
but before you go,
would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad
(available only in Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia & South Dakota
Happy Birthday - you look great for your age.
When we were together,
you always said you would die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
I'm so misrable without you,
it's almost like you're here.
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday,
so we're having you put to sleep.
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoined your day.
Look at the bright side,
it is really good pay.