This has been an entertaining read.
Besides our refrigerator bottom freezer, we just have a small freezer in the guest room. Yep, the guest room. It's a little bigger than the size of an office refrigerator and doesn't look bad as it looks like one. It actually holds quite a lot without things being lost and forgotten for years. Steve defrosted it the other day and since it must be done quickly and without a drain (guest room, remember), he puts a pot of boiling water inside, closes the door, and waits.
When the ice has had time to slightly come loose from the walls he gives it some help with a non metal spatula into a bucket and waters the garden with the ice sheets. Heaven knows we can't waste water in California.