My youngest daughter always says, "it's not meal until Mom slices her finger."
I am actually doing a lot better since I learned from watching Food TV how to tuck my fingers under when I slice. I still do it, though. The other night when I was seeding avacados, I whacked the pit with my chef's knife and it slipped off the seed and right through the peel, cutting my thumb.
One night, when we had guests, I was chopping lettuce on a cutting board and sliced off a piece of my thumb. Here was this little piece of meat on the cutting board, my thumb spurting like a fountain, and we were all too trashed to drive to the hospital. Fortunately, the gal was a surgical nurse, which helped, but no one could find the heavy-duty bandages that I had stashed someplace. They were all searching every cabinet and drawer, as she repeatedly reminded me to "Hold your hand above your head!" and "Keep the pressure on it!"
She would have sewn it up, but there was nothing to sew...just a missing piece. I ended up with a bandage made of Bounty paper towels (very absorbant) and duct tape.
I burn myself, too. One evening, I absent-mindedly laid my hand on a burner that I'd just turned off to see if it was cool enough to set a plastic bowl on. When I jerked my hand off, I had the shape of the burner branded on my palm. Duh! I immediately put it on ice, while DH cut some aloe. I doctored it with the aloe and kept the ice on it for several hours, and did not have so much as a blister the next morning.
I also picked up my hot curling iron by the wrong end one day.
I make some dandy messes, too...like dropping a whole pan of hot grease on the kitchen floor. Or putting out a grease fire on the electric stove by turning a pan of boiling potatoes over it. My dad about went bellistic over that one.
So, for those of you who think you are clumsy in the kitchen...Don't feel like the Lone Ranger!