KAYLINDA
Head Chef
THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:
>
> Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
> [imagine that!]
>
>
>
> Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
>
> [no, really?]
>
>
>
> Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
> [now that's taking things a bit far!]
>
>
> Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
> [not if I wipe thoroughly!]
>
>
>
>
> Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
> [what a guy!]
>
>
>
>
> Miners Refuse to Work after Death
> [no-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
>
>
>
> Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
> [see if that works any better than a fair
> trial!]
>
>
>
>
> War Dims Hope for Peace
> [I can see where it might have that effect!
]
>
>
>
> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last
> Awhile
> [you think?!]
>
>
>
> Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
> [who would have thought!]
>
>
>
> Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect
> Homicide
> [they may be on to something!]
>
>
>
> Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
> [you mean there's something stronger than duct
> tape?!]
>
>
>
>
> Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
> [he probably IS the battery charge!]
>
>
>
>
> New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test
> Group
> [weren't they fat enough?!]
>
>
>
>
> Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
> [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
>
>
>
>
> Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
> [Taste like chicken?]
>
>
>
>
>
> Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
> [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
>
>
>
>
> Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
> [Boy, are they tall!]
>
>
>
>
> And the winner is....
>
>
>
>
>
> Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
>
> Did I read that sign right?
> Now that you've smiled at least once, it's
> your turn to spread the stupidity
>
>
>
>
__________________________________
>
> Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
> [imagine that!]
>
>
>
> Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
>
> [no, really?]
>
>
>
> Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
> [now that's taking things a bit far!]
>
>
> Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
> [not if I wipe thoroughly!]
>
>
>
>
> Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
> [what a guy!]
>
>
>
>
> Miners Refuse to Work after Death
> [no-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
>
>
>
> Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
> [see if that works any better than a fair
> trial!]
>
>
>
>
> War Dims Hope for Peace
> [I can see where it might have that effect!
]
>
>
>
> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last
> Awhile
> [you think?!]
>
>
>
> Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
> [who would have thought!]
>
>
>
> Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect
> Homicide
> [they may be on to something!]
>
>
>
> Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
> [you mean there's something stronger than duct
> tape?!]
>
>
>
>
> Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
> [he probably IS the battery charge!]
>
>
>
>
> New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test
> Group
> [weren't they fat enough?!]
>
>
>
>
> Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
> [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
>
>
>
>
> Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
> [Taste like chicken?]
>
>
>
>
>
> Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
> [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
>
>
>
>
> Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
> [Boy, are they tall!]
>
>
>
>
> And the winner is....
>
>
>
>
>
> Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
>
> Did I read that sign right?
> Now that you've smiled at least once, it's
> your turn to spread the stupidity
>
>
>
>
__________________________________
