Winter Classes for Men (2 posts)

[shannon in KS]

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three! nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

​

 

[shannon in KS]

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT

THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS ​

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hour

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

​

 

[TexasTamale]

LOL @ the classes are 4 weeks.....
True Stuff fo sure!

 

[shannon in KS]

roflmao at your roxbury image! Gonna have to go rent it now!

 

[Ken]

Oh, I can see this thread getting nasty real quick!........



Continuing Seminars For Females
(Prepared and presented by males)

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.
4. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game.
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not the First.
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging.
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.
12. Introduction to Parking.
13. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.
14. Water retention: Fact or Fat.
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.
17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.
19. PMS: Your Problem... Not His.
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To.
21. Sex: It's For Married Couples Too.
22. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.
24. Oil and Fuel: Your Car Needs Both.
25. Oil and Fuel: Your Car Needs Both. (In case it was missed the first time)
26. Learning to Go in Public Restrooms.
27. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?" - Why Men Lie.
28. TV Remotes: For Men Only.

 

[TexasTamale]

ROTF!!!!!! Touche' Ken!!!!!

 

[CharlieD]

Alternative classes for women:

Alternative classes for women:



Class 1
For men:”How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. “
For women: An Ice cube tray!


Class 2
For men:”The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? ”

For women: Same class offered for women.


Class 3
For men: “Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.”

For women: You! Try to urinate standing up before telling men how to do that.



Class 4
For men: “Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. “
For women: Doing laundry in timely fashion.


Class 5
For men: “After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? “

For women: How not to make kitchen sink look like a mountain of unwashed dishes.


Class 6
For men: “Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.”

For women: TV remote control is device to change channels on TV and not frantically push the switch button with a speed of light.

Class 7
For men: “Learning How To Find Things”

For women: Learning to put things where they belong.

Class 8
For men: “Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers”

For women: Taking care of flowers that he brought you, i.e. changing and adding water, disposing after they dried out.

Class 9

For men: “Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost”

For women: How to avoid getting lost, by avoiding doing your make up while driving.

Class 10

For men: “Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.”

For women: An alternative class has been cancel due to fact that driver license office from now on will actually have Driving taste for women and simple making sad faces, roll your eyes and/or smile seductively isn’t going to cut it anymore.

Class 11

For men: “Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.”

For women: How to take proper care of your husband, so he would not have need to talk about the ways things were at his mothers house. Lessons on laundry, putting things away, cooking and cleaning are offered for additional fees.

Class 12

For men; “How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.”

For women: How to shop for what you need and only when you actually needed instead of buying unnecessary junk, just because it is on sale.

Class 13

For men: “How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.”

For women: You can join the men’s classes, for those of you who will not understand, additional tutoring will be available.

Class 14

For men: “The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.”

For women: Hammer, crescent wrench, pliers, shovel, lawnmower, snow blower --- What It Is and How It Is Used.

Time and place will be announced at the latter date and on individual bases, so to avoid confusion.

 

[shannon in KS]

laughing soooo hard, I am crying!

 

[CharlieD]

Aditional class for Shannon in KS only:

How not to cry over internet posting.

 

[mudbug]

You got us, Charlie! I dare you to match this one:

Wadded-up charge card receipts on your dresser (or on the floor next to it) do not a financial filing system make.

 

[CharlieD]

Okay, now you got me, I simply did not understand what you are talking about. Sorry, english is still my second lenguage.


Oh yeah;


Anouncement.


Due to snow storm, dear women, please, just park on the street, stop driving back and force on the driway ( so not to pack the snow ) the husbands will showel it as soon as they get home from work.


P.S. Also the class for women on toilet papper has been substituted with Garbage taking out technik.

 

[ronjohn55]

You got us, Charlie! I dare you to match this one:

Wadded-up charge card receipts on your dresser (or on the floor next to it) do not a financial filing system make.

Same class for women! (Although it should be expanded to include the center console in the truck, or any storage areas on the doors!)


John

 

[CharlieD]

I still don't know what wassed-up means, but carefully looking at the post I think yuo meant Is not a financial... instead of Do not... as such...

Woman's voice in the audience: "What is filing?"

 

[ronjohn55]

Charlie,

"Wadded up" means crumpled up into a ball - the particular variety that seem to infect my wife's car are the reciepts from when she uses the charge card at the gas station, and also the ATM reciepts.

John

 

[TexasTamale]

 

[shannon in KS]

tex tamale, FALLING OFF CHAIR, REALLY!

 

[CharlieD]

Thank you for the explanation, ronjojn55

 

[Raven]

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation (STEP 1. An empty ice tray does ** N O T ** get thrown behind the microwave or in the sink)

After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.

Can I sign my wife up for these??


More for women:

Bathroom Management 101 Lecture Schedule -
Week 1 - You should not own more makeup than you have counterspace to store it.
Week 2 - Curling Irons and Hot Rollers and how to unplug them.
Week 3 - How to tell time; what the phrase "I'll be ready in 10 minutes" actually means
Week 4 - Hair Spray, Perfume and Body Wash. Guest Speaker from the Enviromental Protection Agency.


~ Raven ~

 

[buckytom]

lol raven.

scientists have recently discovered 2 new holes in the ozone, above north jersey and long island. preliminary reports are the depletion of ozone is due to massive cloroflourocarbon releases every morning from hairspray...