Upset Right Now...

[Trip]

I realize this probibly isn't the place but can't sleep and need to kind of vent... One of my cats died today and I feel like I killed her. I brought her to the vet with what I thought was an abcess which they said worse case scenario might need her to stay over night, then the vet got her and it turned out it is kitty breast cancer, and while they could have removed the infected tumor which was actually the size of a golf ball and hairless (she took all the fur off of it in the last two days), for the nominal fee of $500 chances were she would still have died within 6 mths as they could already feel it had spread through to her other mammories. I then got a pithy little lecture that I waited too long to have her fixed (got it done when she was 2 and not when she was a kitten) and this may not have occured had it been done before her first heat. I sat beside her while they euthanized her as it was already bothering her and was just going to keep getting worse. This was a couple hours ago... and I can't seem to calm down so I thought writing this might help... I'm sorry if this isn't the time or place, just needed to say it...

 

[middie]

Trip I know exactly how you feel. I lost my boxer to cancer back in 2000. I still miss him like crazy. With him it literally came out of nowhere. Within a week he was gone. This isn't your fault. Don't let the lecture bring you down because honestly it sounds like she would have gotten it whether she was fixed earlier or not. I hate to say this but it'll be a long hard road for you. I know, I dwelled for months if I did the right thing for Max or not. I'm still not sure to this day. But if you need to talk I'll be here for you and help you any way I can. I'm so very sorry about your loss.

 

[jkath]

Trip, this is definitely the place to bring this up. Keep in mind, we're family here and we're here to help when you need it. The reason you can't sleep is because you dearly loved her. I think that's completely wonderful that you were able to share a wonderful time with such a sweet pet. Cherish her memory. (((hugs))), jkath

 

[kyles]

I am so sorry for your loss. My little kitty means the world to me.

This isn't your fault. Life is full of what ifs and maybes. And I don't think the vet was helpful saying those things to you.

Your kitty gave you lots of love as you gave her, and I'm sure she was very grateful to ahve you as her owner, and to have you with her when she passed on.

Try and remember the warm cuddles and kitty kisses, and realise that this happened and it's tragic, but it's not your fault.

Hugs and love to you.

 

[kadesma]

Trip,
my heart hurts for you. I know how you feel, when I lost my Max a red doxie, I was in misery for months. I felt I'd been to blame, and although I realise now I wasn't I had to come to that by myself. Don't let the vet or anyone else lay guilt on you, you did what you thought best and what's more you are the one who loved the cat not the vet. Ignore the I know it all lecture and remember your furry friend with love in your heart. There are many of us here who are animal lovers as you are so coming here is a wonderful place to share your hurt and let us try in some small way to make you feel better.

hugs to you,
kadesma

 

[thumpershere2]

sorry about your loss of your friend. I would for sure change vets.

 

[texasgirl]

Are you kidding? Just like Jkath said, this IS the place to let it go!! We're here to help, no matter the subject.
Trip, my dog Kasey, died from breast cancer in November. Yes, they say that you can cut the chances of it by getting them spayed young, but, that doesn't always help. Money kept us from doing this and still does. We have 2 more females that need to be fixed, but, are unable to. Your vet should have taken a different route on telling you this instead of using it as an accusation!! They could have said that, for future reference, have your pet spayed early and it can help reduce the possibility of this happening again. I never knew that dogs or cats could get breast cancer. I never thought about anything outside of rabies, distemper and parvo. I have seen them get small tumors in different areas, but, never dreamed that they could get breast cancer, testicular cancer, brain cancer etc....
DO NOT beat yourself up over this!!!! You loved her and she was happy with you! If you hadn't taken her, where would she have been? Maybe she wouldn't even have lived as long without you. You did good in taking her and giving her a home. Be at peace with yourself that you did this and that you cared and loved her for the time you had her!!! You will always learn different things, no matter your age. Use what you learn for the next time. That's all you can do in life.

 

[marmalady]

Hi, Trip; I'm sorry for your loss. What everyone else said about ignoring what your vet said goes for me too! And I'd suggest if you have other animals, to shop for a new vet! Lectures have no place in a crisis; and, in fact, his lecture may have been an uninformed view at the very least.

There is a -lot- of evidence starting to show up re the 'best time' for spaying/neutering pets. What studies are beginning to show is that the 'growth plates' of the animals don't close until sexual maturation of the animal; thus, very early spaying/neutering prevents the closure of the growth plates at the major joints which can cause very serious problems down the road for the animal. There are other factors, too, but I don't want to overwhelm you with all the info.

Just wanted to let you know that there are very well informed alternate opinions on when to spay/neuter, and again to say your ? compassionate vet - had absolutely NO right to lay any kind of trip on you during a crisis with your animal.

 

[cjs]

This is the perfect place for you post - and remember a huge number of us have been where you are right now, maybe less the guilt you are unjustly feeling right now. What a wonderful life your kitty cat had with you - remember that!!!

 

[Andy M.]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost two dogs to cancer and it feels awful.

You vet must be really special if he/she can predict with any crtainty what would have happened if something had been done at a different time.

He's an idiot. change vets.

 

[ChefJune]

I'm very sorry for your loss, Trip. I can't imagine life without my little Julia. She makes me laugh when I'm down, and greets me at the door whenever I return home. I'd be devastated if something like that happened to her.

Try to focus on all your happy memories of her, and how much she loved you, also.

Hugs to you!

 

[Trip]

Thanks so much for all your support. I appreciate it. I was apprehensive talking about it here, but DH is upset too, and doesn't need me setting him off, my mother seems to feel I should comfort her as she says salem was her fave of my cats, and my grandmother actually seems to be avoiding me. Rest assured that was not my vet, its just my vet (who I like very much) lives almost a hour away and she was bleeding from the tumor and this is a 24 hour pet clinic while my vet closes at 5pm so wouldn't have been able to get them until today.
I was up until 4am... actually called in sick to work... The Iron Chef set me off when I saw them sewing up a duck last night because it reminded me of the needle... I figured it's probibly best not to try to deal with the public today. I appreciate the other perspective about whether or not to fix cats early, especially as my other female was 2 yrs when I took her in so there was not way I could have gotten to her in time, and when I took Salem in it was because she was a kitten and her eyes were still sealed shut but her mother had been killed and she was walking blindly across a city street because she was a stray, at the time I was only making $7 / hour was on my own and it was all I could do to keep me and my 2 cats in food and liter, fixing at the time wasn't an option. I can't help keep wondering if maybe if I had gotten the surgery... there is always a chance, no matter how minute she might have made it... but $500 and prob not... which I would have had to borrow having just gone back to work last month and playing catch up... then there's the fact that I orig thought it was a fat deposit, so with money being tight, didn't bring her straight to the vet, maybe if we had caught it sooner...
I don't know... ignore the self pity fest... I just can't get over the feeling that I killed her.

 

[texasgirl]

Trip, stop it!! You didn't kill her, the cancer did. You did nothing wrong!
You took her in and gave her a life and a family that loved her. If you hadn't saved her, she would surely been killed by a car or a bigger animal!! She had a great life because of YOU!!!
It know how it feels to have a pet put down and feel as though you should have done more. I had a dog that was bleeding from both ends, vomiting, not able to eat and was very lethargic. I was 20 years old and it was the first time I had been around a sick dog. My MIL told me that it was parvo, as several dogs in the neighborhood had died from it. She was a dog breeder and knew symptoms very well. I didn't have the money to go to a vet and I had called and asked if they could help me and was told by several that I needed at least $200 to have him seen. At the time, my boys were small and dh was making $8 or $9 an hour and I could not afford it. I had to put my sweet snoopy down. Later that day, after having him put down, dh remembered that he had put ant poison out and that maybe he had somehow found it and eaten it. We looked and it looked like he had dug under the fence where it was. Too late!!! I didn't sleep for a week. I had nightmares and cried everyday about that!!! I still think about him and wish that I had had the money and gone to the vet. I don't know if they could have saved him or not. I'll never know,but, all I could think of at the time was how deathly sick he was and he was suffering. That was horrible and I can sympathise with you, but, you have to see it as we do. You loved the kitty, you took care of her and she lived a good life. Sounds to me that she really would have died if you hadn't taken her from the street that day!! It will get easier and when your guilt diminishes, you will see that you did the only thing that you could for her and kept her from suffering any longer. Wishing you peace of mind!!!

 

[Trip]

TY it's nice to know that others who have to put down their pets understand the guilt and it's not just me.

 

[pdswife]

I'm so sorry.

I agree 100% with Andy M. They Vet is an idiot!!!
He should care as much about the animals as their owners.
BOO HISS ON HIM!!!

Hugs for you!

 

[cara]

what a silly vet.... can't understand what makes him say such things.

It's definetely NOT your fault, don't even think in that direction!

 

[JoAnn L.]

We all feel your sorrow. Bless you.

 

[SizzlininIN]

I can't imagine losing my cat Trinket, let alone having to make the decision to end her life. My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you. Treasure the memories.

 

[Bangbang]

I have lost 5 dogs in the last 27 years. I know what you are going through. It sucks. Glad you brought this to the forum. Give your self some time to grieve and then get yourself another kitten. I prefer puppies and parrots. My wife gave me a pup on a fathers day 6 months after one of my dogs died 9 years ago and I cried......thinking about my last dog. I have two nine year old dogs. They are having some health issues now and I know I will end up putting them down in the near future. Ughhh It sucks!

 

[middie]

Trip even if you had the money for the surgery it wouldn't have helped much. The cancer had already spread. Don't take this the wrong way but if you did have the surgery done you'd be out a cat and a couple hundred dollars.
Please don't feel guilty, you did absolutely nothing wrong honey. Just remember the good times you had with her. In time it'll get easier to deal with. You'll never get over it but you can deal with it a little better.