Feeling blue

[mikki]

Ok, so today I'm feeling very depressed. I can usually hide that I'm a wreck inside, but it's getting to the point that it's driving me crazy. 9 months ago the place I worked closed. We had just bought a new double wide (we had finally got our finances stable enough to purchase) and my daughter was going to college. When I first lost my job, I figured no problem I'm young and can do anything I set my mind to.
Well here it is 9 months later, I still can't find a job. Ive even resorted to applying for the teenager jobs that I said I would never do again. My DH is not very supportive. One time after an interview, I came home and was telling him about it and all he had to say was " I hope you didn't say anything dumb". When I told him what he said bothered me he said he was joking and I needed to get a sence of humor.
I know I should feel blessed because I have my health and my family, But I've never felt as worthless as I feel right now. All our savings is just about gone and I don't know what I'm going to do when it is gone.
I'm trying to stay positive for my 15 YO, I don't want her to worry,but it's getting really hard. When I lost my job I lost most of my freinds, so I don't have anyone to talk to. I just feel like I'm going to explode.
Well I just needed to get some things off my chest. Thanks for listening.

 

[jpmcgrew]

Hang in there somethings gotta give.How big is your town.Alot of places need extra help during the Holidays you might be able to find something temporary until something else comes up.Also what kind of jobs do you usually work there may be other options.I know its hard but try to stay positive it will bring good things eventually.I will send positive vibes your way.

 

[buckytom]

you haven't lost us, mikki.

when times are tough, you gotta dig down deep and find another reserve, another level of "i can do it". i'll bet you'd be surprised at how resillient you are.

and when things do turn around, as they will (all things in life are cycles), you'll have this time to look back on and be proud of how you made it through.

i know that sounds like banal, patent crap, but it's really the way things work. in an absolute entirety, life ain't all that great when it really is good; it's a matter of perception. so the bad times can be perceived as a beginning of good things to come. right?

and don't let the hubby thing bother you. he's going through this with you, and may not have known how much this is bothering you.

 

[Uncle Bob]

But I've never felt as worthless as I feel right now.

Miss Mikki...

Your self worth is not dependent on whether you are employed or not. Whether a butcher, baker, candlestick maker, doctor or lawyer it is not who you are, and has no bearing on your self worth. You are worth far more than any of these. One door has closed...another will open. Have Faith. Anyway, you have a "new" cast iron skillet, and know how to bake cornbread!!

 

[csalt]

That's beautifully put by Uncle Bob Mikki and I do so agree with him. You are you and a very courageous you at that. Try not to let DH's remarks upset you. Sorry guys, nothing personal, but men don't have a huge gift of tact.!
He has said he didn't mean it and I'm sure wouldn't have intentionally hurt you.

Hang in there. It sounds awful but sometimes you have to reach the bottom before you can climb up again.

 

[Renee Attili]

My heart goes out to you.
I am in a similar position at my present workplace. We probably will close around New Years.
I am not so young, but I look at as a chance to explore new possibilities I might not have if my normal trades were hiring.
I am getting my resume' together and submitting to the Big Green Egg Company for a sales rep job.(see avatar). I never would have done that if jobs were abundant here. So I have a chance to do something I would love, enjoy and make money at. Plus, I have a few other options I am considering out of nescessity.
So in a nut shell, think outside your box for jobs. You might just end up where you are meant to be.

 

[mikki]

jp-I live in a small town outside a very small city that is not booming at all, and thats what is most depressing is that I have tried the temp. retail and I think pretty much every employable place around here and even they don't want to hire me.
UB- you are great! your kind words mean a lot!!!! I am glad I got the skillet,now I need more things to do in it.
Csalt-this is not the only comment,he thinks he can say what he wants to anyone, the it's a joke is the excuse he uses to make it someone elses fault and that's a whole different story of my life.
Thanks for the support,it's what I need!!! In my heart I know I can do anything I set my mind to, but sometimes it's hard to believe in yourself when noone else does.

 

[buckytom]

well, after being ignored, renee and i feel pretty unsure about ourselves...

 

[mikki]

Bucky-didn't mean to ignore you and Renee, your encouragement is greatly appreciated. Hubby thing will always bother me because I have told him how much I am bothered and he still makes dicouraging comments instead of encouraging.

 

[buckytom]

lol, i was just teasing. thank god you forgot renee or i would have really felt badly.

 

[Barb L.]

Prayers have been sent, some men -(many) are clueless with womens or emotional issues. I have one ! We are all here for you with support and comfort! We are always here too !!!! Take care, everything will work out, even though it doesn't seem like it now.

 

[jpmcgrew]

Prayers have been sent, some men -(many) are clueless with womens or emotional issues. I have one ! We are all here for you with support and comfort! We are always here too !!!! Take care, everything will work out, even though it doesn't seem like it now.

I got one like that to.DUMB OLE BOYS!

 

[jpmcgrew]

Mikki,Have you ever worked at a restuarant?Those can be some of the easiest jobs to get.There were times I had no money no nothing so thats when I put on my waitress shoes.I would find a good place with plenty of business and apply but usually they didnt need anyone.So this is what I would do I would go back every week to check if any jobs were open they always say we will call you.Being very stubborn in nature I would keep going even offering to wash dishes or bus tables,hostess anything that would get my foot in the door well they got so sick and tired of me I would finally get hired.A waitress job in the right place can get you instant cash and a good amount in tips.There is usuallly alot of turn around in jobs at restaurants.A really popular cafe or diner is also a good option.

 

[Cordel]

I remember feeling like that, Mikki. You didn't say what line of work you are in. Is Ashville somewhere near Buffalo? I hear the whole area is pretty depressed, so it isn't you, it is just the way circumstances are, right now. Your DH must be worrying and suffering himself, and is taking what he feelis is his inadequacy out on you. He probably believes he should be able to take care of you, and obviously he can't on his own, and it is easier to blame you than to accept that for himself.

Things like this often feels so much worse right after you thought things were starting to go really well. Did you really lose friends, or were those only acquaintances? Have you lost them because they are worrying too? Perhaps you could contact them and talk. They may need someone to listen as well as you.

What Uncle Bob said, you are not your job, and you have that great pan to experiment with.

 

[expatgirl]

If you're needing a listening ear, Mikki, then I would suggest that you and your hubby sit down and talk face to face. Tell him that you don't like the way he is responding to you. If he sat you down and told you that he didn't like something that you were doing would you comply? Have that in mind when you tell him. Simply....you're seething with resentment and he may not know it, if not then you need to let him know. Do it in a noncombative way as much as you can. Then y'all need a plan for getting your finances back on track. You two pecking at each other is not going to solve the problem. You need to be working together. Work together on goals.......if by this time something hasn't happened then we do this.......etc...... if you've managed to get a child into college and still be married you have superglue somewhere...open the lines of communication ...your hubby may be as concerned as you......best luck and good wishes coming your way.....keep us posted

 

[auntdot]

i will go with jpmcrew.

There are jobs. You just have to convince people you are the person.

Be proactive - I hate that term - but do it.

Keep going to all the places and be enthusiastic.

As someone who has been in a position to hire, I want a person who wants a job.

Keep knocking on doors and always be entusiastic. Even if they say no.

Leave a card or number. Perhaps that place doesn't need help but someone else they know may.

Be a sweet pain in the bloody ***. You will find a job.

Just make yourself someone whom anyone would want to hire.

Good luck and God bless.

 

[mikki]

Cordel- 90 miles south of Buffalo, it's terrible.
jp- I was a waitress for three years (1st job) I have limited hours, I can not work in the evenings. Most of the good restaurants in area are only open for dinners until summer. I have been going back to places,one manager actually told me that if they are going to hire me they will call and bothering them won't help(thought this was very rude).Emailed company told them about manager, haven't heard anything. I'm finding that most companies do there hiring from different offices or through employment services and don't want to be bothered by people.
My DH is a whole different story, we were having problem before this happened, We have talked numerous times about the way he talks to me,he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. His own sister has told me if he talked to her that way she would punch him in the teeth. I agree he does alot of it because of his own insecurities( but he won't admit it).Thinks everyone else is wrong not him.
As far as lost friends yes I have lost friends. I worked in a warehouse there was only one other female out where I worked. My friends were male, DH is/was jealous of my friendship with all of them.
As far as superglue, I'm the superglue and I'm drying out. Just so tired of EVERYTHING.

 

[Renee Attili]

Sounds like you are feeling the "Blues" all the way into your soul.
When the blues get in that deep, they show, to your husband and to prospective employers.
Be very aware of how you are coming across to others. When you go to ask about jobs
Do you walk in thinking, "This place probably won't hire me." or "Why would they hire me?" or "I would love to work here, but, they probably aren't hiring."?
If you are, you are wearing that mindset when you walk in.
If you would instead try to think and (most important) believe "This place needs me." or
"They would be silly not to put me on their staff." or "The only thing this place is lacking is... Me"
People are attracted to confident, and positive people. Same applies to your spouse.
Think better of yourself, and it will shine through to those around you!

 

[Cordel]

Ah Mikki, it does sound tough. I'll be thinking about you, but don't blame yourself; you are in one of the worst hit areas in the country. The unpleasant manager may be facing letting staff go, or seeing many out-of-work people every day, looking for that job.

In another vein, I know you need paying work, but could you volunteer somewhere (part time) like in a nursing home, a school, a library, that might get you some experience to get a job that takes training?

 

[LEFSElover]

I've just read through these responses and think they are all correct in their supportive words to you.
Mikki, you have friends here. We all do. We all also suffer with stress and angst in our daily lives. It must be what makes us stronger in the long run.
Husbands some times don't know the right words to use to us sensitive women, I know mine sometimes goofs with what he says, trying to be funny, only it isn't taken as funny, it's taken as cutting somehow. But, honestly, I know after being married to him all of my life, he means nothing bad and wouldn't purposely hurt me for the world.
I'm not a good adviser when it comes to getting a job or being employed.
My past life, I was self employed and now, I work for a major Worldwide company and I've been with them for a hundred years, so I'm out of the loop. I know some in here are brilliant with this type of thing, and know they'll help you with their opinions. My only advice is, pick your passion when looking for a job. As much as I love to cook/bake do anything in the kitchen, I'd probably be looking into something like that, but look where you're interests are. Whoever in here that said confidence is a circle around you whether you know it or not, was right. And it goes with what I wrote to you in the PM I sent you.
Best of good fortune to you Mikki and always come in here for support. These are fine and smart individuals and we all learn from each and every one of them.