Just wondering...

[DietitianInTraining]

Hey everyone, I was just sittin here thinkin, and decided i'd start a thread asking everyone's opinion about something...

I am 20 years old, (husband's 22) and we've been married for a little over a year. We bought a house a couple months after we got married, and have just started doing some serious remodeling to it. We have big plans for our house, and are loving every new little thing we do to it! My guess is, in about 2 years we'll be finished with it. So the few times we've discussed trying for children, we just agreed it'd be 2-4 years. We've also always said we wanted the first 2-4 years to be time, set aside for us to grow together, and do things together as a couple. We agreed that "We have the rest of our lives to have a baby"......... So why for the past 2-3 months have I been, literally, craving to have a baby!?!

lol, I've mentioned it a few times to my husband, and he just stares at me with this scared look on his face ...lol kinda like that.. Nothing's changed really, we still both agree that we want to wait... lol it's just a little harder for me to say it now!

I was just wondering, if any of you could go back. Would you have waited longer to have start having kids?

 

[bowlingshirt]

Remodel your house first, then have kids. Once you do have kids, you won't have time for anything else.

 

[texasgirl]

Yes, I would have. I would have waited until we were financially stable and more stable in our relationship, which, would be now. LOL And I'm 39.
Don't jump into it. You have plenty of time. Get to know yourselves better and get everything else perfect for you first. It will make having a baby even more wonderful for you.

 

[GrillingFool]

So... are you unhappy in other aspects of life or the relationship?
Perhaps this is a subconscious message from your ID telling you
that things are not well elsewhere.....

Just a thought.

(My sister had both her kids during times in her life where she was unhappy.
Many years later she admitted she had them for all the wrong reasons...
and it showed in how she raised them, poor things.

 

[DietitianInTraining]

That's interesting. I never would've thought of that.

I don't believe that's it, in my case. There aren't any areas in my life that i'd say i'm unhappy about..

I just love kids.. We baby-sit alot for our friends, which I LOVE to do. Everyone says babysitting is the best form of birth-control, lol... I think it had the opposite effect on me!

I'm sure this is probably just a phase that will pass.

 

[JohnL]

Hi BC,
Both of you guys are young and have lots of time.
Don't be in a rush for either the remod or the kids. But, I hope that you and your husband will be happy with whichever comes first. I'm sure you will do just fine.
John.

 

[Barbara L]

You'll know when it is the right time. Don't rush, but also tell your husband to relax and not worry so much about it. I do know that if there are problems (and it doesn't sound like there are) a baby won't fix them. I also know that if you wait until you can afford them, you will never have kids (this is not to say that if finances are critically low, such as both unemployed, that a baby should not be put off for awhile--I'm talking about people who want everything paid off and a healthy financial cushion in the bank). It is my experience (limited though it may be) that men are pretty much terrified of starting a family anyway. So, keep the lines of communication open and the right time will present itself before you know it.

Barbara
P.S. A lot of teachers find teaching to be a pretty good birth control method too! And teachers have the hardest time coming up with names for babies. "Nope, can't name her that. Remember that horrible monster in my class last year? That was her name!" LOL

 

[DietitianInTraining]

Yeah, that is something I hear alot as well. "You'll never really be READY to have children". I understand what you mean though. We are getting pretty close to having all our debt paid off (except our house). If we could just sell DH stupid truck we'd be in MUCH better shape!!

I'm still, realisticly, thinking 2 years or so. I just thought it was odd that my personal view on it has changed so suddenly!

My MIL has been hoping for a grandbaby since we got married! lol She asked if I wanted a cookie the other day, and I said "No thanks, my stomach's kind of upset" and she immediatly said (very seriously) "Oh are you pregnant? Or is it just the flu?" LOL..
She is not pushy by any means, she just doesn't hide the fact that she's waiting..... paciently... lol..

 

[Katie H]

Enjoy your time together. As someone who has NEVER been alone with a husband, once you have children, it won't be the two of you for many, many years.

Let me explain my second sentence. When I married the first time I married a widower with a 4-year-old son. My husband and I had NO "just us" time during our entire 10-year marriage. Vacations were even spent with someone. The only time we were alone was the 3 days we were on our honeymoon, which was a business trip and he spent all day in meetings.

When we divorced, I met Buck. By then I had 3 children and Buck had 2 children. Again, no "just us" time, so enjoy and cherish the time you have with each other. You will learn volumes about each other and build a firm foundation on which to build a strong family.

Have fun creating the house you will begin your family in and relish bringing your first child across the threshold of that loving and safe haven. It will be more than worth the time and effort. Think of it as the anticipation you feel on Christmas morning as you can't wait to open your presents.

Again, as I've said on these boards before, in the words of my wise maternal grandfather, "Take it easy; make it nice."

 

[Uncle Bob]

So why for the past 2-3 months have I been, literally, craving to have a baby!?!

Because ya been bit by the bug!!! There's a lot of factors at play...all of them perfectly normal for most young women your age.. Not to worry...it's a beautiful, beautiful thing!!! I love your plan... It's rock solid and makes perfectly good sense! Execute it!!!

I'll share a couple of "truisms" (for me anyway)

"If you wait until you can afford to have them...you never will have them."
"Small Children are for young people...The later in life you have them the more trying(on you) they can be" (sometimes)...However, at age 20 ya got plenty of time...so get that house ready first...when the time is right..you will know ...

Blue Skies......

Your favorite Uncle...

Bob

 

[VeraBlue]

The way I see it, you'll never have enough money or enough room for kids...so why wait?
Sure, there's something to be said for 'planning'....but the more you put deadlines, limits and boundaries to the things you want to accomplish, the more you'll discover that kind of control will make you nuts. Let things happen. Besides, the younger you are when you have your kids, the younger you'll be when they finally move out!

For the record, I was 23 and 26 when I had my kids...They are 22 and 19 now. One has already gotten a place of their own, and the other is very close. I'm only 45, living comfortably, have a great job and a wonderful guy, and get to relate to my kids as adults now.

I, and my kids' dad wouldn't change a thing.

 

[Barbara L]

...I just thought it was odd that my personal view on it has changed so suddenly!...

It's not odd in the least. That is just the way the majority of women are "hard wired" (hormones, etc.) to ensure that the human race doesn't die off. Another thought (don't mean to scare you here)--is there a possibility you might (no matter what you might have done to prevent it) actually already be pregnant? At first, when I was pregnant with my daughter, they told me I wasn't. Hormones kicked in big time--I was devastated by that news (moreso because of the pregnancy hormones, not just my desire to have a baby). Well, it turned out I was, after all. Probably not the case for you, but it did cross my mind.

Barbara

 

[DietitianInTraining]

Thank you Uncle Bob..

You're alls posts have made me a bit 'teary eyed'..... GOSH what is wrong with me!?

That's interesting Barbara.. I know i'm not pregnant (got somethin goin on at the moment thats confirming that...) But I have been off my 'birth control' (pill) for almost 2 months now. We're just using a different method. I didn't like the side effects that the pill had on me. Could me coming off the pill have anything to do with this?

Vera, if you don't mind me asking, How long were you married when you had your first?

 

[LadyCook61]

Besides, the younger you are when you have your kids, the younger you'll be when they finally move out!

.

and the younger grandma you'll be I was a grandma at 42 but I do enjoy being grandma of 4 .

 

[Barb L.]

This grandma says, take your time, enjoy each other. You are still very young and learning about life , love and committed relationship. Enjoy your home, hubby and your new baby will be in the near future waiting to be born and loved. Wishing for all the best for you !
Barb L.

 

[mikki]

Beginner, I would say that yes coming off birth control could be the cause. They do some weird things to your body sometimes. I was on them for almost 5 years before I couldn't stand the effects they were having on me ( dr said they wouldn't cause them)
Went to different dr and she said definately the cause. When I went off them my cycles were messed up for awhile, dr said it was because the pill put the hormones in me now my body had to do it. Almost like my body was confused

 

[Barbara L]

I agree with mikki. Your hormones are probably a little confused, so to speak, since you stopped the birth control pills. And, as I said earlier, it is pretty normal for women your age.

Barbara

 

[Fisher's Mom]

Beginner, coming off of the pill could be affecting your feelings somewhat but your urges for a child are instinctive and natural. You have a mate you love and a nest that you are busy feathering. It's completely normal and like Uncle Bob says, it's beautiful! That said, just make sure your husband is agreeable and the decision is mutual when you decide to go for it. After all, you want your children to have both of their parents to be totally thrilled with them. So I counsel you to talk openly and regularly with your husband with your husband about how you are feeling and keep communicating about this. In the mean time, maybe it would be fun for both of you to start fixing up a nursery and that sort of thing.

I got married at 15 and my first child was born 15 months later. My husband and I both wanted a houseful of children right away (6 was the number we thought would be perfect). Things didn't go exactly as planned - we have 7 children born over a 29 year period. So I had babies in my teens, twenties, thirties and forties. I can tell you that like VeraBlue, I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[DietitianInTraining]

Wow! 7 kids? I think we'll probably just have 2 or 3.

 

[stinemates]

Kind of same situation here, just a bit backward

I am 22 and my wife is 27, we've been married for almost 2 years, have a 1 year old girl and we're expecting our 2nd in mid June.

Let me tell you, being new to marriage AND having kids is tough! You're wise to wait a few years before having kids instead of getting started right away.

Your husband will always have that scared look, though. And who could blame him? It's a HUGE transition!!! 'Now is never a good time' is what they say. The best part is, though, that by some miracle of nature you have 9 months to prepare for it. And let me tell you, those 9 months are a godsend!