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Saphellae 06-25-2008 11:40 AM

I've been feeling pretty depressed the past few days, since I found an apartment in Kingston. I know I said that it was what I wanted, and it is, but Nick won't be joining me for at least a few months. Also, this is my home now, here with Nick. That is what's killing me, leaving the home him and I have built and starting fresh, alone, in a new job, a new city. Sleeping alone every weeknight is going to be awful - God Bless Katie, I can't even imagine how she is feeling right now - I haven't even eaten anything in two days. I don't want to do the things I normally do - not even playing computer games (which I love). I just have no desire for it right now. I haven't even been here to check up on things.

I need a better outlook on what I'm doing. I need a different view. I have to think differently about this or else I am going to fail miserably at my new job, because I'll be so depressed when I start next month, and my heart won't be in it... it will be back here, in Montreal, with Nick. My stomach has been in knots and I may be too blinded by love for my own good - but I can't help it.

I need advice, and a different way to look at the situation. Also, if anyone else is feeling depressed or whathave you, I am willing to listen.

JillBurgh 06-25-2008 11:49 AM

Sounds like you're in a real period of adjustment and your somber mood, while valid, will pass. You will still have all of the familiar people in your life plus the new friends you'll be making. And once you start a new job, that should be a welcome distraction, no?

It's good to talk about it though and not let it get you too in a funk. Maybe you need to bake something ;)

TATTRAT 06-25-2008 11:52 AM

all part of the process, and trust me, things will be fine.

I did the long distance thing for a year, after being with Carrie for 5 already, it makes the times you see one another even more better. And you will be surprised how fast the time goes by, you have a lot to take in being in a new environment, and that helps pass the time.

Keep your chin up, it will all come together for you.

GB 06-25-2008 11:53 AM

I know that a few months seems like a long long time when you are looking forward. Once you look backwards you notice how short of a time it really is.

I can not really offer you advice, but I can offer you support. I know that you will do great once you are in your new place and new job. It will be hard, but you are a smart woman and you will make it work. Before you know it Nick will be with you and those few months alone will be history.

jabbur 06-25-2008 11:54 AM

The thing to do is to look at the fact that this is a temporary situation. Nick will be there sooner than you think and you will start to build a new life together in Kingston. Moving to a new area is always stressful and being alone is hard too. Look at this time as an adventure. Explore the neighborhood. Find the cute little bistro, the great coffee place, the bakery. Visit churches on Sunday. Find the gym (if you like that sort of thing) and start meeting folks. Let them know you are new to the area and they will tell you all the neat things there are to do. You may even make a few friends. The upshot of all this is, don't sit around in your apartment feeling sorry for yourself because Nick is not there. Then when he gets there you can have the joy of sharing all the things you discovered and will discover even more with him. "AND IT CAME TO PASS," it didn't come to stay so remember that!

Saphellae 06-25-2008 12:04 PM

Such kind words from all of you, I appreciate the support so much. I did long distance with Nick from Aug 2007 to January 2008 driving 3 1/2 hours one way every weekend to see him. It was hard during the week, because I wasn't with him, but also because I was tired from driving 850 km every weekend and rushing to get things done during the week - But I don't regret it for a MOMENT.

I know that if I keep myself busy I won't have time to dwell on the fact that he is not with me. Thank you for the suggestions jabbur.. I really appreciate them. I do plan on joining a gym a few blocks away. Another thing that bothers me is that when I left my ex almost two years ago, he was living three doors down from where I am moving into. I just hope he doesn't live there now.

My dad once told me "This too shall pass". I am trying to be positive, but I know how hard the next 3-5 months are going to be and I'm not happy about it... but it has to be done. I need to get back on my own two feet, and Nick needs to look for a job.

Adillo303 06-25-2008 12:09 PM

In times of stress, I find it helpful to focus on what you have, instead of what you do not have. You joined DC about the same time as I did. You blended into the community well. That means that you can do it. You have the apartment that you want, you found a job after a long period of unemployment. You seem to have made do with little and gotten by (When life gave you lemons, you made lemonade).

While you were out of work, Nick came through for you, now it's your turn to come through for him and make a place for you to be together again.To make all of that work, you must succeed in your job. Don't be depressed, fe happy that you are making something good.

Does Nick need a new job, or can he just transfer what he has? If he needs a new job, you can lay some groundwork.

Cheer up! Focus on what is right and straight ahead.


P. S. It helps to hae a safety valve, someone that you can say anything to and thwy will listen and accept and not find fault.

Saphellae 06-25-2008 12:18 PM

I do have a friend like that, but she lives in my hometown and I can only call her. Once I move I will be able to drive the hour some evenings after work to see her and her kids.

Nick is waiting for his teaching license here in Quebec, which should be here next month. Then, he will need to forward it to the Ontario Teachers College in order to be certified in Ontario. That takes 4-8 weeks. I am hoping he will get a position fairly quickly after that happens. So it will be at least 3 months before he comes to join me.

The apartment I got will be cramped when he comes, but we will make do just as we have here. I had to get a smaller, cheaper apartment as I will only be making 33k, and would not be able to get a bigger place without him. But because I went for cheaper (I found a real gem that someone from a family member's work was renting out) I will be able to start saving money - something I have not been able to do since I moved out of my parents house over a year ago. I am making 10k more than what I was when I left my job in January to come to Montreal, and paying less for an apartment with internet included. In addition, this job is with an international financial institution - which means that after I am trained, I will have the credentials to work anywhere I want should I choose to. There are alot of good things about moving, but I am also leaving my love behind and leaving my home. I am making the most of the last few weeks we have to sleep in the same bed together.

Sorry for talking everyones ear off.

Saphellae 06-25-2008 12:30 PM

I'm going to have a shower and make myself pretty.. and do my nails too.

luvs 06-25-2008 12:42 PM

that's a great idea, saphellae! i love the same when i'm blue.

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