Need advice from Moms!

[Laury]

Hi all,
I could post this on a more appropriate forum but I feel I have friends here. Here's the deal. I'm flying to Toronto tomorrow to help my niece with her new baby boy. She had a difficult birth, 2 episiotomies and the baby has jaundice. She is exhausted and overwhelmed, as is her husband. I think the jaundice is getting under control gradually. I have been around many babies and feel comfortable with them, but I have never given birth or breastfed.

Any and all advice is welcome. What can I do that would be most helpful? I can cook, of course and plan to do as much as I can, both for now and freezing for after I leave in two weeks. I'd love to find a way for her to get a good 6 hour stretch of sleep as soon as I get there. Can this be done? Because of the jaundice, I think the baby is both breast and bottle feeding. My other niece, who was there for the birth said that Mary (the new mom) is hyper vigilant and frets whenever the baby makes a noise. I'd like to help calm her down on that front as well.

Moms - this dedicated aunt needs your input. Once I get there, I have no idea how much computer time I'll get so anything you can throw at me today would be wonderful. I leave at 7 am Friday morning.

Thanks in advance. I know you'll come through for me! I'll try to report back when I can.

Laury

 

[Alix]

6 hours might be a bit much. 4 is more likely. Just be there for her. Do the housework, cook, and be prepared for some hormonal stuff.

 

[Katie H]

Agree totally with Alix. Four hours of rest/sleep at one stretch is more realistic, especially with a newborn. I breastfed all my children and my first child nursed every two hours, like clockwork, for the first 6 months. What an introduction to motherhood!

As Alix said, just be there for her and try to do as much as you can. Since she is nursing, make sure she has plenty of fluids. That's important. One organization that was an immense help and support to me when I breastfed was the La Leche League. Here's a link to their Canadian site.

Best wishes on your task. You're a loving aunt.

 

[Laury]

Thanks for the link I bookmarked it for later use should I need it. Latest is that baby and mom were re-admitted to the hospital for another jaundice treatment. But it should be the last and they'll be home for good tomorrow. Hubby told me that what they really needed help with was just holding the baby as human contact in the early days (last week)was limited because of the treatment. Well, I'm a champ at cuddling babies so no prob there. Can't wait to get my hands on him!

 

[kitchenelf]

The first time someone took my son for 10 minutes I felt rested You are on the right track with simply taking care of the baby...changing before/after feedings...being there to simply cuddle and hold the baby so she can rest. Lack of sleep does some nasty things to a new mother. I love my friends but the last thing I wanted to do was entertain them after just having had a baby. See if she wants visits kept to a minimum and if she's not up for a visitor give your apologies to them and ask them to come back. We put a "do not ring doorbell" sign up when I was asleep. Of course, everyone thought that was for someone else, not them! I also think sleeping babies should be left alone...find out what she thinks if someone wants to "just take a quick look".

I'm sure you will do the A-#1 thing and that is make her feel like a great Mom. Your a wonderful Aunt for doing this! This may be the longest two weeks of your life, but, it will also be the best!

 

[Chef Munky]

I think you have done the most important thing for her.You "offered".
She's a very lucky lady to have you come stay with her while she's recuperating.That's something she will always remember you fondly for.

My advice,keep her positive,her hormones are now off the chart!
If you can keep her oldest daughter busy,she's adjusting to the addition to.
Age appropriate gift,will make her feel good about everything,she won't feel left out or forgotten.
She can be your assistant the lil boss lady..I'm sure you'll here "My Mom does it like this!"..lol..

You know with all the help they might not let you go home ever!..Are you ready for that?

Good luck,have a good trip.

Munky.

 

[Laury]

Thanks all! And Chef Munky, I think you misunderstood. This is her first child. The other niece I mentioned was Mary's grown sister who was there for the birth and a few days afterward. But I will remember your advice when I go stay after her second child is born!

 

[Chef Munky]

My apologies...I missed that part by a long shot! ok I didn't SEE it..my face is swollen.I've an infected root on my top molar.It's been very painful.Yeah I'm having a fun week.

Have a great trip anyways..don't forget your camera

Munky.

 

[Laury]

Well no wonder you misread it. You're out of your mind with pain! No apologies necessary. And although I will take the camera, I have NO idea how to get them out of the camera and into the computer. Maybe if I have a minute, Mary's hubby can help me as he's a whiz. I'll hold the baby while he does it!

 

[CharlieD]

4 out of my 5 kids were jaundice. But to be re-admited to hospital it must be really bad. All we did for our kids kept them under special lamp, and actually right now it is pretty warm and weather permiting, if it is sunny, baby can be put on the window cell or close to it with open curtans and just rest under the sun.

Otherwise house hold help is all she needs. As far as breast feeding, hopefully it goes well, if not there are places where the pump could be rented and that should/could/might help with milk. Ald folks would tell us to give the mother tea with milk. Supposedtly it helps build the milk, I think drinking simply helps too. But hey, I'd go with old folk story before I go with the doctors. They are great when it comes to surgery but there are things that they just refuse to understand and apriciate.

Just keep the new mom rested.


P.S. sorry I am not a mom, I am dad, but I had plenty of expirience.

 

[jabbur]

I know when I had my first (c-section for breech position), My mom came and cleaned the house, cooked the meals and did the laundry. What a gift that was! She also took her turn holding and cuddling and changing diapers. I was breast feeding and so she really couldn't do that for me.

Plan on being the household helper. I'm guessing that the jaundice is taking longer to resolve because the mom is so tired and may not be producing a sufficient amount of milk to flush it out of the system. She may have enough milk to satisfy the hunger but it takes a lot of fluids to flush the jaundice out.

Enjoy your time with the new family!

 

[Wyogal]

When my mom came after my first, she did household stuff so I could devote time to baby. Housework, cooking, cleaning (scrubbing), laundry, errands, etc. Having someone to do visitor intervention is great, too. She was also very respectful of the husband/wife relationship, and also the role my husband played in our kids' lives, very hands-on dad, doing their first baths, late night feedings (bottle fed after first 6 weeks with first, others, bottle), it was his special time. also just having mom there to make tea...

 

[Laury]

Thanks dad! Your voice of experience is more than welcome. I think the problem with the baby is that the jaundice interferes a bit with breastfeeding. And since they can't be sure how much he is getting, they need to monitor for dehydration. I'm hoping the jaundice will be resolved by the time I get there tonight. O I'm off to the shower. Let the day begin! Oh boy, airplane food!

 

[Alix]

They encourage you to breastfeed nearly constantly to deal with the jaundice. They also put them under the bili lights if necessary. They will suggest sunlight likely too. But really, she will not be allowed much rest on that front. (Heehee...front!) Sorry, I'm a bit goofy in the mornings.

To create milk her body needs sleep though. If I recall correctly prolactin is only made in the body during sleep. So...whatever you can do to facilitate naps will help.

Normalize things for her. She is going to feel a bit "nuts" with the hormone crash, if you can reassure her that this is normal, it will help. And just be a calm presence. Since this is her first she is going to be a bit freaked. It takes a couple of weeks to settle into anything resembling a routine.

 

[Laury]

Update

Just wanted to let you all know that things are much better here. The baby is improving in leaps and bounds and the jaundice appears to be resolving itself. Little bits of "normal life" are resuming and both parents are completely in love with the little guy (as am I!). Mary is tired but all her instincts and hormones are doing what they're supposed to do. Steve could not be a better, more involved dad. This little baby is truly blessed with such great parents.
I'm so, so glad I came. It has made a difference in the stress level, I'm keeping them well fed and the laundry is caught up. A third pair of hands was definitely needed! Thanks for all your advice and support.

 

[texasgirl]

thats great Laury!! They won't ever forget what you have done to help either.