I've lost my mojo ...

[JMediger]

Hi All ... On December 7th, 2013 I lost my husband to an infection he contracted while in the hospital dealing with acute renal failure. It's been a horrible road and not one I would wish on anyone. Grief is not for the faint of heart I am discovering. Being only 41 makes it harder I think too.

Monte and I loved cooking, loved creating together, loved entertaining because of the food we would create, loved just being in the kitchen. Now, I find I can't even go in the kitchen without intense sadness. Thank God for the batches of soup people have brought me to fill my freeze and for Chef Boyardee. Otherwise, I might be surviving on Ritz crackers, yogurt, and grapefruit juice. I managed a batch of vegetable beef soup for my co-workers in hopes of resparking something but it didn't work (the soup was great, rave reviews, hasn't demotivated me)

I know I'm not alone in this grief and sadness and I know I'm not the only one who has faced losing their kitchen mojo. How have others gotten back into the kitchen and rediscovered their love for cooking again? I have been a member here for a long time and while I don't post a lot, I do lurk about reading threads and copying recipes and ideas almost daily. I know you all have some good ideas and hope you are willing to share with me to help me find my kitchen mojo again.

Thank you all!

 

[GotGarlic]

J, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear husband. I have not been through something like that. I can only imagine that it will take time for the effects of such a loss to lessen somewhat. It might help just a little to spend some time here just chatting and seeing what others are up to. Take care.

 

[Katie H]

J, I feel for you and have been down the road you are now traveling. It's not easy and, some days, I felt "why bother." Then somehow I picked myself up and kept on pluggin'.

I know exactly how you feel about the kitchen. Buck and I cooked together for years. You can whip up a lot when you're with someone for 32 years.

I, like you, found I had absolutely no interest in cooking. I didn't even want to go in the kitchen. Initially, I barely ate or ate only enough to keep from starving. I lost about 40 pounds before I finally took the bull by the horns and jumped in and began, slowly, to get interested in cooking.

Don't beat yourself up. Take baby steps and go at your own pace. Everyone gets through what we did in our own way and at our own rate.

PM me if I can be of any help...any help at all.

 

[Dawgluver]

This is so sad, my deepest sympathies on the loss of your beloved husband.

 

[menumaker]

This must be such a hard and difficult time for you. My gut reaction when reading your post was this. Don't even try. Don't even think about it at the moment. This is one time in your life to just be kind to YOU. If there is something that you fancy making for YOU, then cook it. if not, don't. Buy something instead. In time you will discover a way of getting back into the kitchen maybe with a different style. A style that says more about yourself. Maybe you will start to cook food that you never tried before. Maybe food from another culture or breadmaking which brings its own kind of peace and warmth. For the moment you need to heal yourself and that will take time. I cannot and will not say that you will 'get over' this because it doesn't work that way but, you will get used to it and by getting used to it, life will slowly fill with colour again. As each moon comes and goes you will feel a little stronger. It took me 28 moons to adjust to losing someone once. Take heart and keep talking to us. Send me a private message if you wish. I promise you I will be there for as long as you need. x

 

[Kayelle]

J, I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Monte. It is so early in this journey for you, and I remember well the stage I called "feeling like my hair was on fire". There's no loss like the death of your chosen life partner, and I understand all too well. At some point when the pain isn't so intense, I think you'll find solace in the kitchen where you made many happy memories together. It will come. Above all else, be kind to yourself. My blessings are with you.

 

[CWS4322]

I am so sorry for your loss and cannot offer any words that will make your loss any more bearable.

Hugs.

 

[Cheryl J]

I am so very sorry for your loss. May each day become a little less painful for you.

 

[jennyema]

I am also truly sorry for your loss and pain.

I've lost my mojo a few times too... I got it back thru cooking for other people.

When you're ready and it feels right maybe invite a few friends over and cook and eat lunch together?

At any rate, hugs to you!

 

[Rocklobster]

Sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you feel.

Can I suggest finding your mojo through "eating"? Search out ethnic foods and restaurants you have never tried before. Do some research and find some local diners that feature original specialties. You could discover many new experiences that will make you want to recreate these foods. It could lead to shopping experiences, exploring different parts of town and food shops, meeting new people who want to share their recipes, and favorite cuisines and eating spots..I regularly dedicate whole days to trips to ethnic grocery stores, and usually stop along the way to try a new-to-me little place that has a great rating on Urbanspoon or Tripadvisor. I have never had a bad experience because I pick small, reasonably priced ethnic diners and don't expect a whole lot...

Just a thought. Good luck.

 

[Whiskadoodle]

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

J - I am so sorry for your loss, my condolences and hugs.

May I suggest looking for a new cookbook, something you've never had much experience with. No need to cook anything from it, but reading through could give a little inspiration, buying the ingredients...my thoughts are with you!

 

[jennyema]

J - I am so sorry for your loss, my condolences and hugs.

May I suggest looking for a new cookbook, something you've never had much experience with. No need to cook anything from it, but reading through could give a little inspiration, buying the ingredients...my thoughts are with you!

If this interests you, Chowhound.com chooses an interesting cookbook each month and then people cook from it and post and discuss their results. It's quite collegial.

 

[Andy M.]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you feel.

I think you'll be back to enjoying cooking when you're ready. One day you may feel like cooking a dish that was special or fun for the two of you and look at it as a way to connect with his memory.

We're here if you need us.

 

[Rocket_J_Dawg]

My sincerest condolences for your loss J. As some have said, I can't begin to imagine how you feel. I know I would be totally lost without Mrs D. You can have comfort in knowing there are all of us here at DC, who will be there for you.

 

[taxlady]

I'm so sorry to read about your loss. My condolences. As others have said, give it time. You will probably find your interest in cooking when you are ready.

 

[Somebunny]

I am so sorry for your loss J. I really can only imagine the profound sadness. In time, I believe your joy for the kitchen will return. You must give yourself some time, everything in your life is different now, it only makes sense that it will take time to learn how food/cooking fit in to this "different life" I truly believe this will come as you heal. My thoughts are with you dear and I wish you peace.

 

[Dawgluver]

Oh, J, honey. Wish you would have said something sooner. You know we're all here for you. {{{hugs}}}

 

[jennyema]

J

I am posting again to give you another hug

 

[CatPat]

I give you so very, very many hugs. I am so very sorry.

I remember when my grandfather passed, (we called him Bunni, we are Romanian) my Nonna (my grandmother) lost her love of cooking also.

I was young, and Mamma stepped in, very slowly, and encouraged her to cook again. Nonna moved away from her grief and began to cook for her children and her grandchildren. I saw this, your post, and I'm going to call Mamma and let her help you with this. Please be patient with us, for there is a large time difference between the USA and Romania.

Nonna has passed, but I think Mamma can help you. I'm sure she will try.

Now you're stuck with me, and I wish I could help you.

Do you have family such as children and grandchildren? Do you have wonderful recipes you can cook for them? Can you do this? It may help, yes?

I'll call Mamma and maybe she can help. I just feel that you must keep cooking, whether it is for family, neighbors, or church. You loved cooking for your dear husband, yes?

I do know that Nonna fell to a slump after Bunni passed, but she brought herself out of this by being creative, and the cooking continues through my Mamma and me.

I'll call Mamma. She is very good with these things. Now, I'm praying for you and keeping you so very close in my thoughts.

I'm your friend.
With love,
~Cat