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Old 03-27-2022, 05:44 AM   #1
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Guest with specific diet told to bring something they can eat for passover

That guest ( or guests) would be my wife and I.

My sister in law is doing Passover this year ( as she does every year).
Probably having about 15 people +/-
As most of you know, my wife is vegan Im vegetarian leaning towards vegan ( part ethical and part health).

The other night we got ' the call' telling us to bring our own dinner.
Im not sure if there are going to be any sides we can eat or not.
By no means do we ever expect peopled to go out of their way to cater to our dietary needs. For decades we have had to make due with side dishes, which is totally fine. But we've never been invited somewhere and basically told, bring your own dinner, there will be nothing for you to eat. And just as a side note, it's not post luck. No one else was asked to bring anything ( I did my homework, and asked around).

Im not insuled, because unfortunately , she is the sister in law from hell, and it was kind of expected. Little by little over the years, it has been coming more to this.

I love to cook, and I am pretty good at it, so I dont mind making something for my wife and I to eat. Usually , for other occasions, when I have brought things to eat, I would go over board making something real complicated and gourmet'ish just to show off. In those instances, I made enough for everyone, everyone tried it, and it was always the most popular dish. Never any leftovers. People always asking for he recipes.

This year is going to be different. Not sure what im making yet, but its going to be a full dinner, a main dish with a few sides, only enough for two, and totally over the top. Ill keep to Passover rules , which along with vegan rules, ties both hands behind my back, but you can bet that everyone is going to wish that I had passover a my house and did all the cooking.

Did I mention she is a crappy cook? I've never seen anyone burn so many things and over oil at one time in my life.
Did I also mention the when we throw holidays a tour house, I cook things they love and eat , breaking vegan rules ( no meat but a lot of cheese) just to make my guests feel welcome and well fed.

Im dont think Im being unreasonable. I think, as guests, we deserve at least one thing we can select from. Doesnt have too be any crazy, weird vegan stuff ( that often taste like crap and makes me wish I ate meat), but a common dish everyone could enjoy, including ourselves.

Anyway, just needed to vent.

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Old 03-27-2022, 06:04 AM   #2
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Over the past 50 years, I have encountered very few people or relatives who were this petty.
I can't say that when I eliminated them from our lives, I ever regretted doing so.
I never did fall for the, "But it would break mom's heart" comments. Mom should have slapped them.


That will be 2 cents, please.

Plus----" I think, as guests, we deserve at least one thing we can select from"

I see no 'guest treatment" involved here.

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Old 03-27-2022, 06:09 AM   #3
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I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It's not my idea of how to be a good host, that's for sure.
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Old 03-27-2022, 07:45 AM   #4
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I understand the hurt and frustration.

I would encourage you to let it go and enjoy the day with your family.

Prepare a TNT comfort food that all of the guests can enjoy.
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Old 03-27-2022, 08:28 AM   #5
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Larry, a meal, and Passover in particular, is more than just coming for dinner.

It would seem that someone who is more closely related to this SIL should have a sit down and discuss how to make guests feel welcome, how to be more sharing and how to better provide for the comfort of one’s guests.. Hosting is not just about me Me ME. Perhaps that bridge has already been attempted and how did your SIL manage to pass the Knights who say Ni test?

I would go ahead and make a favorite holiday meal that you particularly like and enjoy eating with everyone at the table. Have goof conversations and laugh a lot. Also I would make sure to guard what you bring so someone unknowingly doesn’t think it is a sharable dish. In the spirit of the day, bring a hostess gift. Not sure what is appropriate for Passover, candy, wine, or something home-canned from your garden.

Happy Passover. I liked this on line Yiddish translation Ziessen Pesach meaning Sweet Passover. This is what I wish for you.
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Old 03-27-2022, 09:10 AM   #6
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I'd be embarrassed to do that to a guest and family member. If I invite you to dinner, I expect to provide you with an enjoyable meal.

Larry, you're being cool about it. I'd be inclined to decline the invitation.
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Old 03-27-2022, 10:24 AM   #7
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I tend to agree with Andy...but then you would miss out on seeing family. Hopefully, it is worth tolerating the SIL in order to see and be with the rest of the family. Sigh.
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Old 03-27-2022, 10:41 AM   #8
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This attitude is totally unacceptable. A despicable request from your SIL. She evidently has the social graces of a komodo dragon. How very sad for you, Andy.
However, I understand, having been a vegetarian for most of my life. But when IŽve been invited to lunches/dinners/BBQs, etc., my hosts have at least made an effort to accommodate my tastes. IŽd find it objectionable, to say the least, that IŽm invited to an event but not catered for. I wouldnŽt go, but I fully understand the family link. What a shame .
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Old 03-27-2022, 11:08 AM   #9
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Unfortunately, I'd decline going to a home where this kind of behavior is acceptable. But if I were to go, I'd ask guests about their food. "oh she made your food for you?"...
Unless she told everyone to bring their own food, you are the red headed step child. I refuse to fill that role for anyone.
Even if a person knows little to nothing about vegetarian or vegan food, it should be obvious, some baked potatoes, an undressed vegetable salad, a fruit plate not only would be acceptable, it would be good for everyone. Being inclusive to diversity is a problem in our society.
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Old 03-27-2022, 11:59 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by karadekoolaid View Post
This attitude is totally unacceptable. A despicable request from your SIL. She evidently has the social graces of a komodo dragon. How very sad for you, Andy.
However, I understand, having been a vegetarian for most of my life. But when IŽve been invited to lunches/dinners/BBQs, etc., my hosts have at least made an effort to accommodate my tastes. IŽd find it objectionable, to say the least, that IŽm invited to an event but not catered for. I wouldnŽt go, but I fully understand the family link. What a shame .
CORRECTION:
Larry! Sorry about that!
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Old 03-27-2022, 12:42 PM   #11
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Larry, there are over the top dishes that would be good for vegans, that would make great Passover foods. I'm thinking stuffed squashes, eggplants, root veggies, such as honey glazed carrots, lentils/beans, deserts made with fruits and nuts, etc.

As you were invited, be gracious, even to you SIL. Eat well, enjoy your family. I found out that forgiving others cleanses us of burdensome feelings that can ruin what could be a pleasant get together with family, and friends. You are such a great guy. Let that show through in you actions. Be the example. Others will pick up on that. Though your SIL may be a pain, she is still the wife of your brother. I assume that you and your brother get along well. Maybe bring some kind of game that everyone can play, and enjoy, after the meal.

I am a firm believer in the power of forgiving others, and trying to set a good example. I have seen it change lives for the better.

My own wife was never much liked by my mother, father, or siblings, for reasons that are now obvious to me. However, they all loved me. My stepfather set the example on this one, and counseled my mother, and siblings to give my wife a chance. He told them that I loved her, and so there must be qualities in her to love.

Did I mention that my stepfather has always been one of my heroes? His integrity, honesty, work ethic, and the fact that he championed others against bullies, and ill willed people made him the example that I try to emulate.

Larry, be like my stepfather. You just might be someone's hero.

Seeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North
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Old 03-27-2022, 01:34 PM   #12
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The sad thing is, that this was almost expected. But when you actually ge the call and hear it, it makes it real.

Honestly, anything I cook and bring is going to be 100X better than what she would provide. I just know that I always make the extra effort to make a guest feel welcome aaand comfortable ( and not like a nuisance).

My family ( and parents) will be there, so I will be gong for them.
I wont make a scene, and I will provide myself with something good to eat.
And when the next gathering is at my house, I will be accommodating as always to everyone invited.

But I am a grudge holder, and will never forget.

I can always go all out crazy weird vegan at the next gathering. That would teach them a lesson . only problem is, I'm not crazy about that crap either, so I'd just be punishing myself.

I just like good food, with relatively normal ingredients with some restrictions. In most cases, is food every one either eats or has eaten. But whatever, I jus figured I'd let you guys ge a glimpse of what Ill be dealing with in a few weeks.

And yes Chief, I was thinking about stuffing some veggies. Im in he beginning phases of this, so haven't come up with any specifics yet.

If I really wanted to be obnoxious, I could go completely all out, make enough for everyone ( several dishes ) and watch my food be eaten up ( and enjoyed) more than hers ( which often happens cause her food is no very good). Im actually laughing as Im typing this .
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Old 03-27-2022, 02:31 PM   #13
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IŽd probably go the same route, but the temptation to go 100% vegan, and watch people snaffle up your food, is huge.
You know what the bible says: "SodŽem, for Gomorrah we die"!!
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Old 03-27-2022, 03:33 PM   #14
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larry, there is a special place in hell for people like your SIL. It sounds like she is just a jealous rhymes-with-witchy kind of person, envious that the others at her dinner prefer your food. I'm sure you and your dear DW will be gracious when you get there. I, on the other hand...

I'd walk in with two plates all ready to heat and eat. Like "TV dinners", only homemade and so much better. Then hope that the others at the table question why you did that and watch your SIL squirm. No, wait. It sounds like she doesn't have any shame.

Is this your Seder dinner, or the meal the final day of Passover season? I hope it's the first - so you can report back to us on how everything turned out. Good luck.
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Old 03-27-2022, 06:19 PM   #15
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larryI'd walk in with two plates all ready to heat and eat. Like "TV dinners", only homemade and so much better. Then hope that the others at the table question why you did that and watch your SIL squirm. No, wait. It sounds like she doesn't have any shame.

Is this your Seder dinner, or the meal the final day of Passover season? I hope it's the first - so you can report back to us on how everything turned out. Good luck.
Thats what my wife suggest. Just peal back the foil and have a masterpiece ready to eat.

It will be a seder dinner, but over the years, the seder portion gets quicker and quicker.

What funny is, being a basic traditional dinner, I can pretty much predict exactly what the menu is. Its the same thing year after year. I get tradition and I'm not opposed to it, but I also like mixing things up a bit. Even if just adding a few new dishes ( along with the older traditional ones) to keep things from getting boring and predictable.

Ill keep everyone posted on what I decide to do.
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Old 03-27-2022, 07:40 PM   #16
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Good grief, that's petty on the part of your s-i-l.

I was called rude for how I reacted to a supper request. I was having what was, at the time, my annual Winter Solstice supper. One of the guests had a house guest visiting from Manitoba, back home for my friend. I said, sure bring your friend. So, I invited one fewer of my friends to the party. This friend had been to a number of my Solstice suppers, so she knew that I provided all of the food and it was a dinner party with the nice table linens. She phoned a day or so later and asked if I minded if her friend brought cabbage rolls. I said that I did not want her friend to bring cabbage rolls. This wasn't a potluck and the smell of cabbage rolls makes me nauseous. Well, the friend got her knickers in a twist. Bringing cabbage rolls was a Xmas tradition where she was from and that was why the friend wanted to bring them. I said, thank her for the thought, but no. I explained that this was not a Xmas supper and bringing cabbage rolls is absolutely not a tradition of my Solstice suppers. My friend was so insulted that she didn't come to the party.
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Old 03-27-2022, 09:02 PM   #17
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Good grief, that's petty on the part of your s-i-l.

I was called rude for how I reacted to a supper request. I was having what was, at the time, my annual Winter Solstice supper. One of the guests had a house guest visiting from Manitoba, back home for my friend. I said, sure bring your friend. So, I invited one fewer of my friends to the party. This friend had been to a number of my Solstice suppers, so she knew that I provided all of the food and it was a dinner party with the nice table linens. She phoned a day or so later and asked if I minded if her friend brought cabbage rolls. I said that I did not want her friend to bring cabbage rolls. This wasn't a potluck and the smell of cabbage rolls makes me nauseous. Well, the friend got her knickers in a twist. Bringing cabbage rolls was a Xmas tradition where she was from and that was why the friend wanted to bring them. I said, thank her for the thought, but no. I explained that this was not a Xmas supper and bringing cabbage rolls is absolutely not a tradition of my Solstice suppers. My friend was so insulted that she didn't come to the party.
Hope you didnt lose any sleep over it
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Old 03-28-2022, 12:25 AM   #18
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Larry, I'd just remember that you and your wife are better people... not advertising-ly though ... and I'd agree, take two plates for ONLY you and Missus Larry to enjoy, and make them all jealous !!!!!! ... something over the top GORGEOUS vegan .... then you'll get the "oh, where did you get that?" Umm, my kitchen (not here in SIL's kitchen )
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Old 03-28-2022, 11:32 AM   #19
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LOL Larry, you've certainly got enough advice... and I agree with absolutely everyone on both sides of the fence.

I'd be hard put to decide whether just for me and spouse or just make the entire meal and bring it for everyone.

Then after everyone has tasted, suddenly announce that You are doing Passover next year. Don't ask permission, just announce it as a given.

Then say the following year is open if anyone wants to volunteer.

Say it feels unfair for poor SIL to have to do it every year and every one else feels bad that they don't get a chance to.

There is another way, of course, next year (in plenty of time) phone everyone and invite them to you for Passover. Call the SIL last, of course, announcing that all have agreed to come.

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Old 03-28-2022, 07:05 PM   #20
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LOL Larry, you've certainly got enough advice... and I agree with absolutely everyone on both sides of the fence.

I'd be hard put to decide whether just for me and spouse or just make the entire meal and bring it for everyone.

Then after everyone has tasted, suddenly announce that You are doing Passover next year. Don't ask permission, just announce it as a given.

Then say the following year is open if anyone wants to volunteer.

Say it feels unfair for poor SIL to have to do it every year and every one else feels bad that they don't get a chance to.

There is another way, of course, next year (in plenty of time) phone everyone and invite them to you for Passover. Call the SIL last, of course, announcing that all have agreed to come.




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