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Old 03-19-2013, 10:58 AM   #1
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Bathroom policy? Serious.

My kids are in a private school, last year we got new Principal, the guy has no experience, zero. Though everybody says, including my kids, that he is an excellent teacher, I think that is why they promoted him from within.
The issue at hand is bathroom policy; every other day one of my kids comes and complains that the teacher would not allow them to go to the bathroom during the class.
The two younger ones I can deal with, the older one, she is 12, is having really hard time with her teacher. Teacher was hired in the middle of the year after the previous one quit. This one is a story in itself, I cannot stand her. Neither does my kid. Even though I try to tell my daughter to listen and do what teacher says she is having hard time, she thinks the teacher is out to get her. I guess the policy in the school is that class should start and after 15 minutes if everybody settled down the girls can raise the hand and ask to be excused. To me it is stupid, if somebody needs to go, somebody needs to go, no matter if it is one minute into the class. A side note, the class starts at 1:15, they do not have bathroom break before, not enough stoles in the bathroom to accommodate the whole school.
My wife told my daughter she simply should get up and go in case like this. I am kind of not sure about that. Yesterday my daughter asked to go to the bathroom and she was told that she cannot, she made the face of course, but set in her seat. Teacher then makes a comment: “stop the theatrics”. Ok, if she said wait 5-10 minutes, let’s settled down, let’s start working, you know something like this, I would be ok with it, but outright be so rude, that is disgusting in my opinion. I went to talk to the principal today, he of course takes teachers side, moron. I got so mad I told him that next time it happens I will call board of education and claim child abuse. He says “go ahead”. And that I listen to only my child story. Ok, fine I want the meeting with the teacher then. Well, meeting is today at 4:15 after school.

Please give me your suggestions, criticism, options, tell me what I should be saying, and tell me if I am wrong or right. I need to hear everything please.

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Old 03-19-2013, 11:05 AM   #2
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A girl her age may have an emergency bathroom need not related to the usual that could become extremely embarrassing. I'd ask that the teacher ask her if it can wait for a short time, but to let her go if she needs to.
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Old 03-19-2013, 11:12 AM   #3
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Well, that is exactly my point.But I think it is more of the principal than even teacher. I doubt he understands the problem/issue at all.
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Old 03-19-2013, 11:32 AM   #4
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If there are not enough facilities for the students to all get a turn to use the bathroom during lunchtime, then the teachers and administration should make a schedule so some classes have a 15 min break before lunch and others have the same 15 min break after lunch and some have lunch time. Everyone needs to "go" at some point during the day! I know that in the public schools here no one is told they cannot go. The teacher may tell them to wait until a certain point but they are allowed to go. I'd also be asking if there is a problem with kids just hanging out in the bathroom to get out of class. If that is the case, maybe they need monitors to be sure folks are getting in and out of the restroom in reasonable times. There are many solutions that can be attained if all are willing to work together. Let them know your concern is for your child's well being and that you chose this school for a reason. Also point out to your child that she will encounter many difficult folks in her life and she needs to find a way to deal with them without making things worse for herself. Hope you can get things straight.
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Old 03-19-2013, 11:37 AM   #5
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I'm sorry for your trouble, Charlie. It's an embarrassing issue at any age, but for a teen, developing years - OMG!
Embarrassing, but very true story. In my very young years I had very severe nephritis (kidney disease) which caused painful urinary tract infections, which, if you've ever had one, know you can't hold your pee.
You feel as if you want to pee buckets, but only one or two drops come out and YOU CAN'T HOLD IT IN!
When I started school, the school and the teachers knew I had this problem and it was not a problem as there was a bathroom was right inside the kindergarten classroom. I went when I had to with no big disruptions.
1st grade, in an attempt to keep structure and control the teacher had such a rule as you're explaining, and the kids had to ask permission to leave the room. I had an infection, again, couldn't wait, raised my hand, she wouldn't acknowledge me, the when she did, turned me down, and so on and so forth. It was exaserbated by not going and not allowing me to drink as much fluids to flush my kidneys as I was supposed to and of course the problem intensified. I was in extreme pain coming home from school and finally told my mother. Now, ya gotta understand my folks, especially mom. You never questioned or back-talked your elders. NEVER.
But coming home crying in 1st grade, mom knew there was something wrong. When she finally got it out of me, I shyly told her what happened.
She sat me down and told me I will go when I need to, even if it meant standing there and peeing at my desk. Guess what? The very next day, crying at my desk, I peed in the chair. I was humiliated, (but oh, so relieved.) and escorted to the nurse's office, where mom was called and came to school with clean clothes. I returned to class, mom went to the principal's office, where the teacher was also summoned, and everyone heard my mother tell them, in no uncertain terms, they did NOT want to be liable for my medical issue, that I will go when I need to and drink the quantity of fluids the doctor instructed. AND....they owed ME an apology. I got the apology. Period.
End of problem.
But to my dying day I will always remember that humiliation.
Take care of the issue immediately. Good luck, and let us know how you made out.
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Old 03-19-2013, 11:44 AM   #6
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I thought we had come further than this!

When I was a kid you had to sit squirming with one or two fingers in the air until the teacher finally gave you the look and the nod!

It seems to me that by the time you are 12, seventh grade, you should be able to excuse yourself and leave the room without disrupting the class or seeking permission. If it becomes a habit or routine event then I believe the teacher, student and principal should discuss it privately to determine if a problem exists or if the privilege is being abused for some reason.
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Old 03-19-2013, 11:49 AM   #7
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I am wondering if we have profeccioanl teachers here? Just would like to hear the opinion from the other side of the isle.
Thank you for support everybody.
How do I find out if the school disrict has a policy about something like this?
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Old 03-19-2013, 12:53 PM   #8
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Moderators can we please keep this at the top for today? Thank you. just need to hear more opinions.
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Old 03-19-2013, 01:00 PM   #9
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Hi, Charlie. The school should have a student handbook containing its policies on these things. As a private school, it would not be subject to public-school-district policies.

Different schools will have different policies, though, depending on the school population, the kinds of trouble, if any, they have, etc. I would ask the reason for the policy and explain the problem with access to the bathroom during breaks. They really need to address that.
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Old 03-19-2013, 01:01 PM   #10
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Charlie, try using this button in your post #8, which I think gets to the mods quickest.
Oh, and thanks. Keep us posted.
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Old 03-19-2013, 01:13 PM   #11
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See if the school has a facebook page or a chat site. See what other people are saying aside from GotGarlic's good comment.
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Old 03-19-2013, 01:36 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GotGarlic View Post
Hi, Charlie. The school should have a student handbook ...
This school is so small I am surprised there is a school at all. The policy was made on a fly some time in the middle of the school. Problem is that it is very hard to fight people of authority who are your friendsin social life.
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Old 03-19-2013, 01:46 PM   #13
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Not onlyu this school has no face book page, there is no internet in the school, we are still living in the 19 century here. It is very strict religious school and a lot of things are not done the way it is in the real world today.
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Old 03-19-2013, 01:47 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zhizara View Post
A girl her age may have an emergency bathroom need not related to the usual that could become extremely embarrassing. I'd ask that the teacher ask her if it can wait for a short time, but to let her go if she needs to.
That's what I was thinking too.

I think a girl that age should just be allowed to go. How's the teacher going to react when the kid stands up and there's "blood" all over the back of her skirt? She shouldn't have to put up with that kind of nonsense. Sometimes there isn't even time to wait for the teacher to say yes.
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Old 03-19-2013, 01:49 PM   #15
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So you have to ask yourself. Which is more important. Your child's health or your social life. Sometimes you have to promote civil disobedience to obtain civil unity.
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Old 03-19-2013, 02:55 PM   #16
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Personally I would speak to the teacher direct and explain the problem and the anxiety it is causing . You can then tell them that you have told your daughter to go if she needs to, so they know that has come from the parents, children shouldn't be put in this situation by the school it's just daft .
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Old 03-19-2013, 03:03 PM   #17
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Personally I would speak to the teacher direct and explain the problem and the anxiety it is causing . You can then tell them that you have told your daughter to go if she needs to, so they know that has come from the parents, children shouldn't be put in this situation by the school it's just daft .
+1

I agree.
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Old 03-19-2013, 05:01 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by taxlady View Post
+1

I agree.
+2

I work in public schools. As far as I know, there is no bathroom "policy" in the handbook, it's usually up to the individual teacher. Most teachers are very understanding, but a few students are known to abuse bathroom passes, leaving class as an avoidance, to meet up with friends, or to just hang out in the restroom. In middle and high school here, students use planners or restroom passes, they write the time they leave, show it to the teacher, and go, no questions asked. The teacher is able to keep track, and can call the office to have someone check if a student is gone too long and might be sick, or wandering around.

Hope your meeting goes well, Charlie. I agree, best thing to do is talk to the teacher.
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Old 03-19-2013, 05:25 PM   #19
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Charlie, that is absolutely ridiculous. At that age, especially, she could have an unpleasant surprise quite unexpectedly. Hope she isn't wearing white if that were to happen. When I was in high school, we didn't need hall passes. We could leave class to use the restroom whenever. What if she were feeling sick to her stomach, or had an onslaught of diarrhea? I worked with s/one once who suffered from sudden-onset diarrhea whenever she was stressed. And I mean it was sudden. My mother suffers from that problem. Don't stand between her and the bathroom, and often she doesn't make it.

I rather doubt your daughter is sneaking into the bathroom to have a cigarette (or worse). No matter one's age, one should be treated with dignity and respect. Even having to raise one's hand to use the washroom at that age is embarrassing. Girls at that age are so self-conscious. Boys tease them about their developing breasts, pop their bra straps, etc. Having to raise one's hand to use the washroom...awful. I was very shy (and still am) as a child. If I was late to school and the door to the classroom was closed, I walked home. I never used the in-class washroom. OMG, how could I? Everyone would look at me. Even now, when I have to go on a client's site, I never leave my work station to use the washroom. I "hold it" until I get home.
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Old 03-19-2013, 11:15 PM   #20
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Well, went to talk the teacher and principal. Of course they tried to blame my daughter. I tried to be polite which really was not easy seeing the stubbornness of them both. I have suggested an alternative policy, will see what happens. In all honesty I doubt it will help. Talked toy daughter told her to try to avoid the bathroom issue as much as she can.
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