Dear Technical Support,

[Rom]

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from
DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble.
However, there are apparently conflicts between thesetwo products and the only solution was to try and run
Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible
with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut
3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive
versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had
many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to
shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I
tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two
systems detected each other they caused severe damage
to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover
that this product soon had to be upgraded further to
Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my
available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSe
xPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife
1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any
mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife
1.0's memory and could not be deleted.
They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten
about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary,
Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning,
launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge.
These latter products have no Help files, and I have
to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating
regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new
attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be
reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0
attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive,
it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called
MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003,
but there could be problems. A friend of mine has
alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects
Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money
before uninstalling itself.

Help requested please

 

[Rom]

And the flip side...

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall
performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery
applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal
Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs
such as Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the
system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, to no avail. What can I do?

 

[Rom]

Dear Customer....​

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Try entering the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME to
download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install
Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, overuse of the above application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy
Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will
create Snoring Loudly.

CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-
law. This is not a supported application and will crash
Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it
does have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance.
I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support