Atheism is a non-prophet organization
He who laughs last.....thinks slowest
Depression is merely anger, without enthusiasm
The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese
Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
Whenever things are coming your way, your in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
No one is listening, until you make a mistake
You never really learn to swear, until you learn to drive
Get a new car for your spouse - It will be a great trade
If you think nobody cares - try missing a couple of payments
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you