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Old 07-13-2019, 04:55 AM   #21
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I am not religious, either. But, one thing I do when something is bothering me when I'm awake at night, which is a little like prayer IMO, is say what's bothering me out loud, as if I am talking to someone who isn't there, so I can hear the thoughts come out my head, and out of my mouth. It sounds weird, but it works for me. Otherwise, the thoughts just bounce around my head. Somehow, if I hear what I'm thinking, I can deal with them better. Give it a try -- maybe it will help you.

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Talk to yourself too! Tell yourself exactly what you are thinking. Say it out loud ,,,.

Linda, believe me, you're not alone.
caseydog has said what I've tried to say, but alot better. It works for me too.

I suggest you don't do your little talk in the middle of the store tho. But on second thought if you did happen to, I'll bet at least 2 other customers would commiserate saying that's how they feel too!
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:45 AM   #22
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Testicular seminoma. The same one Lance Armstrong had. He waited way too long to seek treatment, so his cancer spread. It is a very fast growing form of cancer.

When I was diagnosed, it was a punch in the face. But, over time, it helped me to not sweat the little stuff.

I am not religious, either. But, one thing I do when something is bothering me when I'm awake at night, which is a little like prayer IMO, is say what's bothering me out loud, as if I am talking to someone who isn't there, so I can hear the thoughts come out my head, and out of my mouth. It sounds weird, but it works for me. Otherwise, the thoughts just bounce around my head. Somehow, if I hear what I'm thinking, I can deal with them better. Give it a try -- maybe it will help you.

CD
That's an excellent idea. I talk to myself all the time during the day, but I've never tried it at night when I'm lying in bed worrying myself half to death over everything.

I'm very glad you got through the cancer and/or are handling it well. Cancer is relentless and unforgiving.

Thank you for sharing that with me.
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:58 AM   #23
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Linda, I'm sorry that you have this problem that prevents you from living life fully. I can't relate from an anxiety angle, though, since I subscribe mostly to a "well, there ain't much I can do about it" philosophy when it happens to me. I can whine and moan and cry with the best of them about the situation, but I know there isn't much I can do about it. However, over my lifetime I've tried to avoid running into situations that have medically impacted my blood relatives to avoid having that problem happen to me. Just because your dear Matthew had liver problems doesn't mean you have to worry about dying the same way. Manage a lifestyle that addresses the medical issues in your family lineage, then try to relax knowing that you're being pro-active in staying healthy. GG's suggestion for finding a therapist you feel comfortable with is good, too. Some people just need a little more help than others. I wish you success in finding someone who can help you. (hug)


That is an excellent motto whether one suffers from anxiety, a physical medical condition...or a lack of motivation to just get 'er done. Thanks for sharing her wisdom. I need that virtual kick in my butt.
You're welcome

And I hear what you're saying about complaining of problems and being of the "not much I can do about it" philosophy because that's the way I think most of the time.

You know what's really scaring me right now is the fact that I'll one day be all alone. My son is 19 and starting college in the Fall and while he'll be living at home during the time he's going to school, I know that one day he'll fly the coop and then I'll have no one. Now, 10 years ago that idea sounded perfectly heavenly to me, as when I was younger, I loved living by myself. I loved the privacy and not having to clean up after anyone but me and my place was MY PLACE and nobody else's. Now... that thought scares me. And once my son gets his own place, I'd love to be able to move across town, back to my hometown where I grew up and now work, to be closer to my job instead of having to trek clear across the city to get there, but... I can't afford that. So I'm gonna be stuck this house that once beamed with activity from my son and his cousin and also his dad laughing and playing and Matthew playing that damned guitar of his and all the memories that we've made here since my son was 2 years old closing in on me.

And I know all I'm going to want to do is GET OUT. I can't sit and rot in this house, now that I'll no longer have Matthew to grow old with. I really don't know what I'm going to do.

These are other thoughts that haunt me on a regular basis. Yeah, feel my GAD growing larger and larger....

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Old 07-13-2019, 10:59 AM   #24
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caseydog has said what I've tried to say, but alot better. It works for me too.

I suggest you don't do your little talk in the middle of the store tho. But on second thought if you did happen to, I'll bet at least 2 other customers would commiserate saying that's how they feel too!
Haha, I've seen people walking or even just standing around talking to... no one. And it's a little creepy. So I'll make sure no one else is around first
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Old 07-13-2019, 02:44 PM   #25
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And I know all I'm going to want to do is GET OUT. I can't sit and rot in this house, now that I'll no longer have Matthew to grow old with. I really don't know what I'm going to do.

These are other thoughts that haunt me on a regular basis. Yeah, feel my GAD growing larger and larger....

Have you thought about getting an apartment or a townhouse when your son moves out?

You seem to be resistant to the idea of talking to a therapist. Have you thought about why that is?

Hugs.
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Old 07-13-2019, 03:31 PM   #26
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Have you thought about getting an apartment or a townhouse when your son moves out?

You seem to be resistant to the idea of talking to a therapist. Have you thought about why that is?

Hugs.
Yes, I've thought about it. I think about it all the time, actually, and have even looked into some options. But the rent for an apartment is higher than the rent I'm paying at this house (unless I want to live in some cheap garbage apartment in a seedy area of town) and I'm already struggling to make ends meet. That and I have 2 dogs (Dachshunds) and 2 cats and although some apartment/townhome communities are pet-friendly, there are limitations on how many pets you can have and two is normally the limit. Plus I'd have to pay extra per month for having them.

I already know why I'm resistant to therapy and that's because I've already been down that road when I was first diagnosed with GAD and it didn't really help much. It's not the fault of the therapist, it's mine. I'm very stubborn and have a wall around me that not many people have been successful at tearing down.

I will, however, talk to my doctor about it the next time I see her (I see her every 3 months) to find out what my options are.
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Old 07-13-2019, 09:31 PM   #27
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Yes, I've thought about it. I think about it all the time, actually, and have even looked into some options. But the rent for an apartment is higher than the rent I'm paying at this house (unless I want to live in some cheap garbage apartment in a seedy area of town) and I'm already struggling to make ends meet. That and I have 2 dogs (Dachshunds) and 2 cats and although some apartment/townhome communities are pet-friendly, there are limitations on how many pets you can have and two is normally the limit. Plus I'd have to pay extra per month for having them.

I already know why I'm resistant to therapy and that's because I've already been down that road when I was first diagnosed with GAD and it didn't really help much. It's not the fault of the therapist, it's mine. I'm very stubborn and have a wall around me that not many people have been successful at tearing down.

I will, however, talk to my doctor about it the next time I see her (I see her every 3 months) to find out what my options are.
Having GAD myself, I found therapy wasn't working for me because there was no "reason" for my anxiety. But, everyone is different, so I wouldn't want to discourage anyone from trying that avenue. Besides, in addition to GAD, you have some genuine issues to sort out. One way or another, you need to put words to your thoughts and get them out of your head.

Living alone is something you get used to over time. I got divorced 15 years ago, and now I have reached a point where the thought of someone moving in and "changing things" is unappealing.

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Old 07-13-2019, 10:42 PM   #28
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...You know what's really scaring me right now is the fact that I'll one day be all alone...
To paraphrase Rodney Dangerfield (of whom I'm not a fan, but this quote is a good one) "Take my husband, please!" Love him, but there are days...

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...I'd love to be able to move across town, back to my hometown where I grew up...And I know all I'm going to want to do is GET OUT. I can't sit and rot in this house...
OK, now I can relate. We had to move from OH to MA in 2000 for his job. Our plan was to move back to OH when he retired. Except he didn't retire at 66 but was laid off at 63. Threw him for a loop that took about three to four years until he was OK with being home. In hindsight, I should have started to get ready to move back home as soon as he was laid off. My body felt better in November of 2011 than it does now. He wasn't in bad shape, either. Now we're slowing down and if I don't hire out jobs, the house isn't getting on the market. My fear is that I'm stuck here until I get shipped home in a little box or urn. There are days I think it wouldn't be so bad to have the entire place blow up in a gas explosion...until I remember that the entire neighborhood is all-electric will oil tanks for heating fuel. Oil tanks leak, not explode. Oh, well, better get busy fixing up.
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Old 07-14-2019, 06:09 AM   #29
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And I know all I'm going to want to do is GET OUT. I can't sit and rot in this house, now that I'll no longer have Matthew to grow old with. I really don't know what I'm going to do.
I can totally relate to these feelings of, perhaps a little despair..

When my first wife died at age 52, I felt a great loss.. We had been married for 33 years.. Only half joking but, I felt that she raised me from a teenage kid to a mature man..

My reaction was, with my children's support, to move back to my home town and within a year get out of the profession we had worked together in for 20+ years..

That, certainly is not for everyone but, it worked for me and doing so allowed me to move on with life..

25+ years later, my first wife enters my mind constantly but, my heart knows that she is pleased that I didn't allow her passing to take me places (in my mind) she would have preferred I not go..

You are young.. You will find a way to fulfill your life again..

Ross
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Old 07-15-2019, 07:40 AM   #30
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Having GAD myself, I found therapy wasn't working for me because there was no "reason" for my anxiety. But, everyone is different, so I wouldn't want to discourage anyone from trying that avenue. Besides, in addition to GAD, you have some genuine issues to sort out. One way or another, you need to put words to your thoughts and get them out of your head.

Living alone is something you get used to over time. I got divorced 15 years ago, and now I have reached a point where the thought of someone moving in and "changing things" is unappealing.

CD
That I can relate to. The last thing I want is another man in my life. Not appealing to me at all.

There was no reason, that I know of, for my anxiety either. It just blindsided me one day. During therapy, we tried to discover reasons for it, but we never found anything.

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To paraphrase Rodney Dangerfield (of whom I'm not a fan, but this quote is a good one) "Take my husband, please!" Love him, but there are days...


OK, now I can relate. We had to move from OH to MA in 2000 for his job. Our plan was to move back to OH when he retired. Except he didn't retire at 66 but was laid off at 63. Threw him for a loop that took about three to four years until he was OK with being home. In hindsight, I should have started to get ready to move back home as soon as he was laid off. My body felt better in November of 2011 than it does now. He wasn't in bad shape, either. Now we're slowing down and if I don't hire out jobs, the house isn't getting on the market. My fear is that I'm stuck here until I get shipped home in a little box or urn. There are days I think it wouldn't be so bad to have the entire place blow up in a gas explosion...until I remember that the entire neighborhood is all-electric will oil tanks for heating fuel. Oil tanks leak, not explode. Oh, well, better get busy fixing up.
Well, to this all I can say to you is be careful what you wish for! Looking back, I used to fantasize about living alone (with the exception of my son) and it looks like I'm getting my wish

I live with that thought as well, like a little devil is sitting on my shoulder saying "You wanted it, you got it." That tortures me.

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I can totally relate to these feelings of, perhaps a little despair..

When my first wife died at age 52, I felt a great loss.. We had been married for 33 years.. Only half joking but, I felt that she raised me from a teenage kid to a mature man..

My reaction was, with my children's support, to move back to my home town and within a year get out of the profession we had worked together in for 20+ years..

That, certainly is not for everyone but, it worked for me and doing so allowed me to move on with life..

25+ years later, my first wife enters my mind constantly but, my heart knows that she is pleased that I didn't allow her passing to take me places (in my mind) she would have preferred I not go..

You are young.. You will find a way to fulfill your life again..

Ross
Thank you for your kind words. And I totally understand where you're coming from. I've got to keep in mind that I'm not alone, that others are going through (or have gone through) the same thing.
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Old 07-22-2019, 09:45 AM   #31
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I just want to live life without constantly thinking that there's no point in doing the things I want to do because I don't have much time left anyway.
I'm not an expert in these matters but I think you need some professional help. I know things medical are expensive in the USA so is there perhaps a self-help group that you could join ?

There's a web-site that might help with your anxiety. It's a British National Health Service web-site but there's no reason why you can't have a look at it and it might have a few good ideas for you. And it's free!

https://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp
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Old 07-22-2019, 04:15 PM   #32
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I'm not an expert in these matters but I think you need some professional help. I know things medical are expensive in the USA so is there perhaps a self-help group that you could join ?

There's a web-site that might help with your anxiety. It's a British National Health Service web-site but there's no reason why you can't have a look at it and it might have a few good ideas for you. And it's free!

https://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp
Thank you, I appreciate that.
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Old 07-22-2019, 04:52 PM   #33
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Wow, this is me to a "T" -

Some people may have a thinking style that lends itself to experiencing anxiety. For example, anxious people have a tendency to expect that the worst possible scenario will always occur. They also feel like they must constantly be on guard in case something bad happens. They believe that by thinking about all the things that could go wrong, they will be better prepared to cope if it happens. However thinking in these ways mean they are on regular alert and find it difficult to relax and 'switch off'.

I think ridiculously horrible thoughts pretty much all the time. Like what happens if my son dies in a plane crash or a car accident? What if this is my last drive home from work because I won't make it home? What if the house catches fire while I'm gone and all of my animals die and I lose everything I have? And, then, like I said above, the thought that I'll be lucky to see another 10-15 years of life.

Then when I have these thoughts, I get the physical symptoms of panic and when I get the physical symptoms, I then worry something is wrong with me and I'm developing cancer or heart disease or whatever else. That scares me and here comes the panic and anxiety again. Over and over and over and over.

It's an old cliche, but the article says it, "it's a vicious cycle."

"Vicious" being the operative word here. I've been through this for the last 12 years of my life and it's especially bad now that my husband is gone because I'm terrified I'll lose my son as well. I mean, if one tragic thing can happen to me, why not another?

I'm honestly surprised I'm not in a strait jacket yet. But see, I'm good at hiding things and I don't talk to anyone about this because they would surely think me mad. It took a lot of courage just to post about it here.

Something I read once, or maybe saw it in a movie, still sticks in my head: your thoughts become your worries and your worries become your thoughts.

Worrying is so pointless and such a waste of life and time. I AM aware of that much. But I can't stop it. I don't know how. It's like sticking your hand into a lit fireplace; you know you shouldn't do it, but something much more powerful than you makes you do it anyway. And when I really am on my death bed, I'm gonna be kicking myself in the butt thinking about all the time I lost because of my stupid brain.

Just reading some of that article and now letting my thoughts pour onto my keyboard has made me jittery. I need an ativan.
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Old 07-22-2019, 05:55 PM   #34
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Wow, this is me to a "T" -

Some people may have a thinking style that lends itself to experiencing anxiety. For example, anxious people have a tendency to expect that the worst possible scenario will always occur. They also feel like they must constantly be on guard in case something bad happens. They believe that by thinking about all the things that could go wrong, they will be better prepared to cope if it happens. However thinking in these ways mean they are on regular alert and find it difficult to relax and 'switch off'.

I think ridiculously horrible thoughts pretty much all the time...
Linda, I'm going to suggest again that you reconsider talking to a professional about your anxiety. Remember that it affects your son as well as yourself.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is designed for people like you and me - when I was working, I was under tremendous pressure to deliver on a large, expensive, very visible project but I wasn't given the authority I needed to get it done in a timely and effective manner. This created a lot of stress, which made my medical condition worse. I saw a therapist who used that kind of therapy (I didn't know at the beginning that's what she was doing) and that, along with an antidepressant, worked well. You can read more about it here: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/a...-disorders.htm

Also, before I started therapy, I discovered this guided meditation app that helped calm my mind when I needed it, and I still use it to help me get to sleep. It's very flexible - you can listen to it for five or ten minutes while you take a walk, or for up to 30 minutes. You might find it useful: https://www.meditationoasis.com/simply-being-app

I hope this helps.
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Old 07-23-2019, 08:09 AM   #35
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Linda, I'm going to suggest again that you reconsider talking to a professional about your anxiety. Remember that it affects your son as well as yourself.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is designed for people like you and me - when I was working, I was under tremendous pressure to deliver on a large, expensive, very visible project but I wasn't given the authority I needed to get it done in a timely and effective manner. This created a lot of stress, which made my medical condition worse. I saw a therapist who used that kind of therapy (I didn't know at the beginning that's what she was doing) and that, along with an antidepressant, worked well. You can read more about it here: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/a...-disorders.htm

Also, before I started therapy, I discovered this guided meditation app that helped calm my mind when I needed it, and I still use it to help me get to sleep. It's very flexible - you can listen to it for five or ten minutes while you take a walk, or for up to 30 minutes. You might find it useful: https://www.meditationoasis.com/simply-being-app

I hope this helps.
Thanks, GG, for the information. I appreciate everyone's concern.

I suppose I should try and fix my mind before I lose it altogether. Or what's left of it, that is
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Old 07-23-2019, 01:14 PM   #36
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Linda, I also want to point out that you HAVE taken the first step... and that is to start talking to us.

We know you but we don't KNOW you personally. It is a proven point that many people can open up to strangers who won't/can't be judgmental. They simply don't know them in order to be judgmental.

Plus I think now that you've started to say things out loud you are beginning to see how you are affecting yourself. I believe you are now also understanding that this is not something you can overcome completely by yourself. There is lots you can do for yourself but not everything - go for it girl!

These are all good things/steps, so congrats!! Now you just have to take a deep breath and do the next step.
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Old 07-23-2019, 01:28 PM   #37
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That's great advice, dragnlaw.
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Old 07-23-2019, 03:47 PM   #38
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Yes, it's excellent advice, thank you!

I feel better already
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