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Old 03-08-2006, 04:07 PM   #1
Senior Cook
Mr_Dove's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Denver
Posts: 209
Jack Bauer is all powerful (24)

This is a joke about Jack Bauer on 24. You won't get it if you won't watch it I think.

Top Thirty Facts

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and
Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd
shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer
spared your life.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland,
Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played
by no man.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then
spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he
gave up the location of the keys.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a
direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is,
in fact, still alive.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are
conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not
feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded
gun and won
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was
addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle
Eastern men.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds
like a fair fight.
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April
2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill
terrorists. Jack Bauer ????ing hates lemonade.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's
because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve
miles away.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait,
that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert
red. His second favorite color is violet, but just
because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-***, Jack Bauer jumps

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just
makes him angry.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says
because if Jack Bauer says something then you better
????ing do it.

When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer
for help.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved
the world 4 times. What the ???? have you done with
your life?

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his
closet for Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.

Jack Bauer loves reality TV. That's why he allows FOX
to follow him around.

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Old 03-08-2006, 11:14 PM   #2
Master Chef
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: NW Chicago Burbs'
Posts: 6,070
Send a message via Yahoo to -DEADLY SUSHI-
This is AWSOME!!!!!!!! Thanks!!!!! Im sending it to a few friends.
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Old 03-08-2006, 11:43 PM   #3
Executive Chef
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Native New Mexican, now live in Bellingham, WA
Posts: 3,859
I sent it out too, thanks for the laugh!
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings." https://aidancallum.blogspot.com/
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Old 03-09-2006, 03:44 PM   #4
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Location: NoVA, beyond the Beltway
Posts: 11,166
Jack Bauer will forward it to all our friends for us.
Kool Aid - Think before you drink.
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