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Old 03-05-2011, 06:04 PM   #21
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I was all ready to say good post Luva, when I read Kayelle's post.... actually, they are both pretty good, but maybe it is Kayelle highliting hers that something Skittles said caught my eye... "for the first time in a year"?... so once a year you wish you were single, Skittles? That is what sticks out to me in what you said. It sounds to me like either someone needs to commit more or that someone needs to be more honest with themselves. Trials and tribulations does not mean you should be wishing you were single. IMO that is half the reason you slept over at your friend's.
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:09 PM   #22
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Just because two people are in a committed relationship, it does not mean that they should be attached at the hip!!!
Patti I never inferred they should be attached at the hip......in fact, I don't think that's healthy either. Do you disagree with people who are committed to each other don't leave their loved one at home to go out and party alone, let alone stay out overnight with someone. ????
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:22 PM   #23
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Patti I never inferred they should be attached at the hip......in fact, I don't think that's healthy either. Do you disagree with people who are committed to each other don't leave their loved one at home to go out and party alone, let alone stay out overnight with someone. ????

Yes, I do. What is wrong with doing things separate "every month or so"? Ok, the part about staying with a friend, not so much, but it happend and it will happen to people much more then you think. Had she gone against her better judgment and drove any way and had an accident, he would use that against her too. Another Control Tactic. Someone in this relationship needs to get over something. It is up to them to decide who and what.
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:28 PM   #24
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I disagree with that statement Kayelle. I don't think those two things have to go together. Some people party and some don't. Just as some like to go to the opera and some don't or some like to bunny jump and some don't. You can still have a successful relationship without doing those things with your partner.
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:31 PM   #25
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For starters.....we don't know this couple and diagnosing their relationship isn't something we should aspire to do. Skittle, you are the only one who know what will work with this relationship and what won't work. RED FLAGS and THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE probably works for the person who wrote it....doesn't mean it would work for you. I know it wouldn't work in our relationship. Sure, we hang onto things and often bring up the past....but that's the past. The next couple of days will tell you a lot.

If he brings this up frequently, and several times a day and keeps doing so; then he is thinking about it a lot and little else. That should be a danger sign to you that you need to try do do something immediately. And only you know what that should be. We all have opinions and advice....but only you know what will work.

I'll be the first to admit that guys can be jerks sometimes.....but then we all have our moments. Again, if you don't allow him to beat you over the head with this, he'll stop bringing it up and move on. Good luck.
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:32 PM   #26
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I would have a problem with my wife going partying alone anywhere.
I don't dance but I let my wife go dancing with her girlfriends frequently. I've never had a problem with that over the 25 years we've been married.
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:46 PM   #27
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Rather than judging the OP's actions or relationship. We should offer help as she asked.
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:51 PM   #28
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This has nothing to do with cooking, but I can't go on Facebook, because my boyfriend, who I want to talk about, would see it.
Defriend him..... Seriously you probably spent more on drinks than it would have cost to get a taxi home... Grow up, you don't spend the night on another mans "COUCH" and expect that to be okay with your partner...
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Old 03-05-2011, 08:39 PM   #29
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What a bunch of conservative old fuddy duddies. Didn't someone recently point out that lots of us are baby boomers, old hippies (I wasn't a hippy - I was a freak).

The jealousy would freak me out. My husband goes to parties without me every now and again. He has even stayed over at female friends' homes when the buses had stopped running. Big deal. I would rather that than have a drunken friend drive him home.

" 'Love' is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."
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Old 03-05-2011, 08:54 PM   #30
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We need a poll thread.
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Old 03-05-2011, 09:14 PM   #31
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I'm certainly not an old "fuddy duddie", and I am certain that my happiness is something I create myself, not dependent on someone else to give it to me... Love or not...
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Old 03-05-2011, 09:48 PM   #32
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What a bunch of conservative old fuddy duddies. Didn't someone recently point out that lots of us are baby boomers, old hippies (I wasn't a hippy - I was a freak).

The jealousy would freak me out. My husband goes to parties without me every now and again. He has even stayed over at female friends' homes when the buses had stopped running. Big deal. I would rather that than have a drunken friend drive him home.

" 'Love' is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."
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Amen, you either trust or you don't. If there is no trust...
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:11 PM   #33
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I don't think it even has anything to do with drinking. For me as soon as I started dating my wife, I refused to go out by my self. Still do not and would not. That is not why I got married. In my opinion if you feel a need to go out without your boy friend you do not need to be together. I am happy to simply go out on the deck of our house and talk to my wife, rather than going out by me self. When you find somebody you want to be so much together and he with you, then you have the right person. In this situation you are both wrong. He is wrong by not going out with you, you are wrong by not spending $20 bucks to get home. It is not that much money to risk the relationship. You must have known that he'd be mad if you stay with a guy, even though you did not stay with him, but he was there.
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:12 PM   #34
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Ask him if he's said everything he needs to say about that night. If he hasn't then give him one time to let it out of his system. Otherwise he needs to seriously "adult up" and let it go already. And if he isn't done or won't be done I guess he needs to ask himself if that's what is going to be the relationship breaker? Because that's what he is turning it into.

And really? He can't trust you to sleep on someone's couch? I mean, next thing you know you'll be attacking the produce man at the grocery store! I'd run far and I'd run fast.

Edit: Just have to add that I would go stark raving mad if I ONLY did things with my guy and he with me. Just because you enjoy time apart does not mean that you're not "right" for each other by any stretch of the imagination. So what works and is obvious for some people is completely wrong and unworkable for others. =) I guess that's why the original question is so hard to answer; we all put the "I" and "we" twist on it that probably doesn't apply to their relationship or situation.
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:27 PM   #35
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I did not read all of the posts in this thread but a couple of things come to mind. Didn't you guys recently move to a new town? I can't quite remember. Do you personally have a support system outside of your bf, like family and friends who are nearby? I think your bf has reason to be concerned but I am also concerned that perhaps he may be becoming a little too possessive if he can't let it go after he says that he forgave you. You might want to consider looking into couples counseling. I know you said you were concerned about spending money for a taxi but paying for counseling might save your relationship, or it might show you that perhaps you two are not suited for each other. Either way you might want to look into it before your relationship goes much farther. Hope all turns out well.
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:31 PM   #36
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I would have a problem with my wife going partying alone anywhere.
I don't dance but I let my wife go dancing with her girlfriends frequently. I've never had a problem with that over the 25 years we've been married.

Let your wife? Did you marry her or adopt her?
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:41 PM   #37
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Let your wife? Did you marry her or adopt her?
Good point. I should have worded that phrase a differently.
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:04 PM   #38
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Good point. I should have worded that phrase a differently.
I'm so glad to hear that roadfix. I bet you meant I don't mind if my wife goes dancing
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:05 PM   #39
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Good point. I should have worded that phrase a differently.

That is what I was hoping......
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:06 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by pacanis
I was all ready to say good post Luva, when I read Kayelle's post.... actually, they are both pretty good, but maybe it is Kayelle highliting hers that something Skittles said caught my eye... "for the first time in a year"?... so once a year you wish you were single, Skittles? That is what sticks out to me in what you said. It sounds to me like either someone needs to commit more or that someone needs to be more honest with themselves. Trials and tribulations does not mean you should be wishing you were single. IMO that is half the reason you slept over at your friend's.
We've been together for a year- that's what I meant.


Quote:
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I did not read all of the posts in this thread but a couple of things come to mind. Didn't you guys recently move to a new town? I can't quite remember. Do you personally have a support system outside of your bf, like family and friends who are nearby? I think your bf has reason to be concerned but I am also concerned that perhaps he may be becoming a little too possessive if he can't let it go after he says that he forgave you. You might want to consider looking into couples counseling. I know you said you were concerned about spending money for a taxi but paying for counseling might save your relationship, or it might show you that perhaps you two are not suited for each other. Either way you might want to look into it before your relationship goes much farther. Hope all turns out well.
We were going to move to a new town, but the money from the job offer wasn't quite worth it to move. He would have had to hire a property manager for his rental properties here, and pay for private health insurance, which he has now through his current job.

Other than when I go out (which is rarely) pretty much the only person I hang out with is my sister. If I didn't go out at all I would go crazy. I start feeling cooped up. He is fine with that, otherwise I wouldn't do it. Although personally, I don't think it's too much to ask for him to come out once a month. But he won't, so that's that. Anyway, my issue is that he obviously has trust issues, and difficulty forgiving. To me, that is the only red flag. I tried talking to him but he pretty much just said "trust is easy to lose, but hard to get back." That's true, but not very helpful :/
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