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Old 01-18-2015, 05:53 AM   #1
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My current favourite joke-prepare to groan

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A34 (a main road)in Cheshire recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars.

The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck"
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Old 01-18-2015, 10:10 AM   #2
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LOL! Thanks for sharing.
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Old 01-18-2015, 01:37 PM   #3
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Roflmfao!!!
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Old 01-18-2015, 02:10 PM   #4
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funny
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Old 01-18-2015, 02:25 PM   #5
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funny
Good one, MCook!
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Old 01-18-2015, 03:00 PM   #6
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And lucky for Bostonians, if that same problem happens with crows up here, they'll have the answer thanks to your Ornithological Behaviourist. Boston crows drop their "r" too.
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Old 01-18-2015, 07:07 PM   #7
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Good one!!
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Old 01-18-2015, 09:19 PM   #8
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That was a good one
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Old 01-19-2015, 07:57 PM   #9
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Groaner

This is for Mad-
When British Rail was first testing their HS 125 (High Speed 125 mph) trains, they were worried about the locomotives hitting birds, They contacted the FAA in the US to see how they tested airplane windscreens (windshields)
The FAA sent them a compressed air gun that would shoot a dead chicken at the windscreen to test it.
Well the engineers at Britrail loaded the cannon and fired it at the windscreen. Much to their dismay, it went right through the windscreen and left a large dent in the motorman's seat!
They called the FAA to tell them their problem, and the man at the FAA said,"OMG! you are supposed to defrost the chicken first!"
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Old 01-19-2015, 08:26 PM   #10
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:facepalm:
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Old 01-19-2015, 10:44 PM   #11
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LOL!
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Old 01-20-2015, 04:51 PM   #12
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This is for Mad-
When British Rail was first testing their HS 125 (High Speed 125 mph) trains, they were worried about the locomotives hitting birds, They contacted the FAA in the US to see how they tested airplane windscreens (windshields)
The FAA sent them a compressed air gun that would shoot a dead chicken at the windscreen to test it.
Well the engineers at Britrail loaded the cannon and fired it at the windscreen. Much to their dismay, it went right through the windscreen and left a large dent in the motorman's seat!
They called the FAA to tell them their problem, and the man at the FAA said,"OMG! you are supposed to defrost the chicken first!"
I must pass that on to a friend. He worked on the HS125s many years ago.
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Old 01-22-2015, 06:12 PM   #13
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Thank You for that one Mad Cook.

It will be passed along.
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Old 01-22-2015, 07:41 PM   #14
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Talking

This is my current fav joke....

A man visits his doctor and says "Doctor I keep thinking I'm being ganged up upon!"

Doctor replies "Wait......hey lads! He's in here!"
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Old 01-23-2015, 12:45 AM   #15
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A guy goes into the psychiatrist for his first visit, they get to the part where the Dr. asks about any mental problems with family members. The guy says, "I have a brother who thinks he's a chicken." The Dr. says the brother should come in to see if he can help him. The guy says, "Are you nuts? We need the eggs."
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Old 01-23-2015, 08:31 PM   #16
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Old 01-23-2015, 10:58 PM   #17
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... "I have a brother who thinks he's a chicken." The Dr. says the brother should come in to see if he can help him. The guy says, "Are you nuts? We need the eggs."
Is that another chicken joke?
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Old 01-24-2015, 03:32 AM   #18
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Oh Yeah!
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Old 02-04-2015, 12:16 PM   #19
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A woman, born and raised in the northern U.S. is touristing in Loisiana. She stops at a shoe store in New Orleans to check out aligator shoes. She's wanted a pair since she was old enough to spit and watch it freeze in her home town.
A clerk walks up to her and asks, "Can I help you find something?"
"Um, yes. I"m looking for a pair of aligator shoes."
"Wonderful madam. We have a great selection along our west wall. Let me show you."
The clerk walks with the woman to the aforementioned hall and points to the large assortment of available styles. After several moments of looking, the woman spots a pair that she likes and asks; "How much is that pair?"
"Madam, that's a wonderful choice. This pair sells for the bargain price of $300 dollars."
"Three hundred dollars!" the woman yelps. "I can get a good pair of leather pumps back home for 50."
"Madam, I assure you that this is a fair price. After all, men and women have to go into the swamps and hunt dangerous gaters to get the skins for these shoes."
"Tell me what you want. I'm not paying #300 for a pair of aligator shoes. I'll just go buy a gun and get my own gator!" And she storms out of the store.
The clerk yells after her; "You just go ahead. I hope you see a reall big one."

The Several hours later, the clerk is driving home and passes a swamp on his way. He sees that same lady, waist deep in the swamp, with a 15 foot gator heading her way, fast. He slams on the breaks and grabs a pistol from his glove box. He opens the door and begins to sprint toward the woman.

To his surprise, she turns, with a large rifle in her hands, points it at the oncomming brute, and fires. The cleark sees the skin explode right between the gators' eyes. He watches as she ploughs through the water to retrieve the animal. She struggles to pull it on shore. he goes to help. As he nears her, he sees six other gators on the beach, each turned onto their backs. She gets the gator onto the sandy shore and struggles to turn it over. Then she stands and loo0ks down. She shakes her ehad and he hears her complain; "I just don't believe it, 7 gators an not one of them is wearing shoes.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North
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